The occasional big-cat rebellion aside, humans have the run of the animal kingdom. We own this world, and those damn beasts are lucky we leave them even a sliver of Amazonian jungle to creep around in. But sometimes, critters get sick of us telling them where to go, and they strike back by invading whatever human territory they can, be it our homes, our video game consoles, or even our mouths. Speaking of ...
Your Dog's Mouth Might Be Infested With Bugs
Dogs are man's best friend, but they're that type of friend who sits around in their underwear all day eating week-old chili with a moldy spoon. They're disgusting, is what we're saying, even more disgusting than you might want to believe. Because while you might think that the worst thing you can find in your dog's mouth is the lingering smell of a thousand licked assholes, it turns out that the winner is an actual bug colony.
Hoisington Veterinary Hospital/Facebook
A little hair of the bugs on the dog that bit you.
Bugs can and will set up shop en masse right inside your beloved pet's treat-hole. But these are no cute little ladybugs, they're actually a tough species of Asian lady beetles that can cause ulcers on the dog's mouth and tongue so severe they can be mistaken for freaking chemical burns. To be fair, the dogs bring it on themselves: The apparent cause is attempted canine nommage of the bugs, because there's no floor on the weird shit dogs will try to eat. Once they're inside that slobbery death trap, the beetles simply accept their fate and try to live the best life they possibly can inside your cute pet's trash-slide.
Thankfully, it's an uncommon and relatively easy-to-fix problem. If you notice your dog foaming at the mouth and refusing to eat, stop reading this comedy article and take them to the vet, Jesus Christ. But it wouldn't hurt to take a look down the ol' kibble tube first. If you happen to notice an entomological horror show, you can pluck those fuckers right off, provided your dog knows he's hosting a low-budget Pixar movie in his mouth and lets you. A spoon or tongue depressor can be used on more stubborn friends, but make fun of him for going down on a literal bush for a few days to teach him some humility.
Your PlayStation Is Filled With Cockroaches
If your ambition in life is to become a video game console repair person, we have a million questions, but you should also know the job will require you to develop a supernatural bug-detection sense. That's because you'll be spending a lot of time dealing with cockroaches that have turned PlayStations into their very own tenement buildings.