Capable of firing 30-pound cylinders filled with drugs (making it powerful enough to blow minds in more ways than one), this makeshift device was confiscated by police after seeing use on the border between Mexico and Southern California. And so now we're at the philosophical point of the story: Can Trump build a wall so high that no cannon could fire over it? And if so, what does he plan to do about wily Mexicans simply painting a doorway on the wall and then opening it?
Thieves Use A Vacuum Cleaner To Suck Money Out Of A Safe
The vacuum gang -- called gang a l'aspirateur in their native France -- figured out the most cartoonish way to crack a safe this side of dropping a piano on it. Thieves noticed that French supermarket chain Monoprix (which is French for "one prix") had a novel way of delivering cash to their safes: At the end of a shift, employees would count up the cash, stuff it into a pneumatic suction tube (like the ones at a drive-through bank), and whisk it away to safety using the very power of the air itself! Truly, we are living in the future ... as envisioned by Victorian-era writers.
"Excellent! Now where are the hover penny farthings?"
The thieves figured that if the store was going to use cartoon methods to protect their money, they must employ the same to steal it. They drilled a hole in the cash-tube, hooked up an industrial-strength vacuum cleaner, and sucked it all right back out through the in-door. Robert Plant would be so proud. The stupid scheme not only worked, but they even kept it up for over five years and amassed nearly 600,000 Euros. Something to keep in mind the next time your mother says that nobody ever got anywhere watching cartoons.
A Woman Involved In A Love Triangle Gives Her Rival A Broken Parachute
Married mother of two Els Van Doren was caught up in a love triangle with two other members of her skydiving club: Marcel "Mars" Somers (male), and Els "Babs" Clottemans (female). Mars clearly had a thing for any and all Els, but he favored Van Doren. We know this because when the three of them stayed at his house one night, Mars relegated Babs to a mattress in the living room while he and Van Doren banged loudly and lengthily upstairs.
Perhaps it was wise of Mars to choose two lovers with the same first name -- he'd never say the wrong one on accident! But it was less wise to abandon one for the other in the same house. Even less to leave the jilted lover alone with the skydiving gear. In an obvious move in retrospect, Babs got a pair of scissors, cut Van Doren's parachute cords, and headed off to bed.
"I looked for but couldn't find a ridiculously large anvil to put in there too."
Yep, from Looney Tunes to Roger Rabbit, the ol' "wrong parachute" trick is classic cartoon shenanigans. One week later, the trio leapt from a Cessna at 13,000 ft. They joined hands in a star formation, then broke away for their individual descents. Van Doren's descent, obviously, did not go super well. In keeping with cartoon logic, we'll assume she landed in a puff of dust, then said something glib about "falling for" the wrong man.
Please never tell us otherwise.
Nathan is a Christian and says things like "Good news! Your sins are forgiven!" He is also called Treegnome, and has a hilarious website called Supertreegnome.com. Jordan Breeding has a blog, a band, and a scheme involving plastic ties and self-loathing. It's for charity.
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