But what about surviving the earthquake that triggered the tsunami? If you grew up near a fault line you'll remember having drills in elementary school where you would get under your desk, sort of always knowing that its flimsy plywood wouldn't do much good when the whole place collapsed around you. Fortunately, these days it is different. The 2010 Haitian earthquake inspired designers Arthur Brutter and Ido Bruno to come up with a table that was light enough for two children to lift but can withstand one ton of debris falling on it. It looks a little claustrophobic, but it's nothing compared to Chinese inventor Wang Wenxi's idea for an earthquake-proof bed. This metal tomb opens up and sucks you down once the ground starts shaking, which unfortunately looks a lot like Johnny Depp being pulled into his bed in A Nightmare On Elm Street.
This is also an excellent way to get one-night stands to leave.
It also assumes that we all sleep exactly in the center of our beds, and won't flail around as we plummet, getting our limbs stuck in the sliding metal.
And if you're one of those people who lives in the middle of the country, safe from tsunamis and most earthquakes, you still have tornadoes to worry about. That's where the Tuuli Armor Tornado Shield comes in. If you don't have the money for a tornado shelter or are out driving when one suddenly appears, you simply unroll this 12-pound bag and hop inside. It can fit two adults and one child, which, if you have the average two-child family, means someone is going to find out the hard way they aren't the favorite. And if you're wondering how encasing yourself in a bag is supposed to save you from being tossed around by the tornado, the short answer is that it doesn't. Nor does it promise to protect you from broken bones caused by heavy debris. All it is meant to do is keep you from getting hit by small objects, which helps a little, but will be small comfort when you find yourself in Oz with a broken back.
Think Nana and Pop-Pop's loving 60-year monogamous relationship is quaint and old-fashioned? First off, sorry for that disturbing image, but we've got some news for you: the monogamous sexual relationship is actually brand new relative to how long humans have been around. Secondly, it's about to get worse from here: monkey sex.
On this month's live podcast, Jack O'Brien and the Cracked staff welcome Dr. Christopher Ryan, podcaster and author of 'Sex at Dawn', onto the show for a lively Valentine's Day discussion about love, sex, why our genitals are where they are, and why we're more like chimps and bonobos than you think.
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