However, in case you hadn't noticed, they've made a few Batman movies since the days when the Dark Knight could slip a pair of swim trunks over his costume like it was no big deal -- and West has wanted to be a part of almost all of them. This goes all the way back to 1989, when West kept insisting that he should play Batman, which would be a little like casting Mr. Rogers as the Punisher. (That is, awesome. Until you get to the wanton killing. Then it's just traumatizing.)

When Christian Bale took over as a Batman more likely to break a guy's neck than bust out a can of Shark Repellent, West again chimed in that he should be in the movie, but as Batman's father. Comic book connoisseurs might notice one tiny problem with this idea: Dr. Thomas Wayne took that fatal alley shortcut way before he got to be West's age. In West's proposed version, though, he'd still be alive ... and he'd be Batman, too.

Warner Bros.

Gage SkidmoreAlso, in this version, Bruce would be adopted.

West suggested that "The older Batman comes out of the woodwork, when times get really tough ... maybe [gives Bruce] a few tips here and there ..." Frighteningly, there are comic book precedents for Batman's old man putting on a pointy-eared cowl, whether in the past or in alternate timelines. Something tells us West's remarks are less about respecting continuity and more about having trouble letting go of his most (only) famous character, though.

Even recently, West suggested he could be in Batman V. Superman, again as Bruce Wayne's zombie father / spare Batman. He would come back "one dark and stormy lightning-riven night through a library window. Bruce Wayne is there thinking, 'I'll never solve this. This is the most difficult thing in my life.' In comes old dad, like a bat, almost." Which, come to think of it, still wouldn't be the dumbest thing in that movie.

But while these were thankfully outside of the Star Trek canon, Kirk's dumbest appearance ever could have realistically made it into a movie, and it was masterminded by the actor himself.

It's no secret that Shatner wasn't exactly thrilled with the fact that Kirk was killed off at the end of Star Trek: Generations ... so he set out to, in his mind, rectify things. Rumor has it that he pitched an idea to Paramount for a sequel to Generations wherein Kirk is un-killed, but it was turned down. How do we know this rumor wasn't made up by some bored nerd waiting for his grainy internet porn to load? Because a few years later, Shatner released a novel that acts as a "coda" to the movie, in which that exact damn thing happens.

Pocket Books"... as long as their agents are insistent enough."

Star Trek: The Return finds Kirk's body being stolen -- disappointingly, not by 20-somethings who throw a pair of sunglasses on him to have a sweet party on the Enterprise, but by the Romulans, who then use Borg technology to bring him back to life. This all leads to Shatner writing himself another big death scene. After having the Borg implants removed on Deep Space Nine, Kirk and Picard awkwardly argue over who gets to sacrifice their life to save the galaxy:

Pocket Books

What does Kirk do? He knocks out Picard and sacrifices his own life once more.

Pocket BooksThen a dozen naked green women embraced Kirk. "You're so sexy, and your hair is so real," they exclaimed.

That's right, he gets to be the big hero and smack the guy who took his job square in the jaw, making this the Trek equivalent of your stories in which you save the office from terrorists and punch Dave with the corner office right in his stupid face. Even then, the book still can't let Kirk go, ending with an epilogue in which he is sent on a mission in the afterlife by Spock's dead dad because ... uh ... because ... well, Shatner.

But leaving aside the occasional moment of muscle-rippling slow-motion fisticuffs, the movies at least stay somewhat close to the tone of the source material. That much definitely can't be said about Jude Law's idea for the upcoming third movie, which sounds more like something one of Sherlock's opium den buddies would mutter to himself in the corner.

Law, who plays Dr. Watson, decided that the next Sherlock Holmes should be about time travel. When asked about it in an interview, Law was surprised that the information had leaked, but admitted that he did suggest the idea to Ritchie and Robert Downey Jr., who "kind of went ... what?" Downey eventually came around, suggesting that the time machine should be edible: "You eat it and you go, 'Oh my God, I'm in 2024!'" Yeah, that's a drug, Robert. Or any food in a few years.

Marvel Studios"And Sherlock should have some kind of metal suit! And he's friends with a green giant!"

Not surprisingly, the guy in charge of the movie remained unimpressed with the idea of taking a classic literary work and adding a magic drug that propels you forward in time. He stated that while Law is a smart guy, Sherlock Holmes 3: Holy Shit It's 2024 was "not the zenith of his ideas."

There's never been a sequel to Heat, probably because (spoilers for a movie old enough to purchase alcohol) DeNiro dies in the end, and also because that's a terrible idea. That hasn't stopped at least one person from suggesting that Michael Mann return to what would certainly become known as the Heat-verse, and that person is Kilmer.

Kilmer's idea for Heat 2 hinges on the fact that the original featured a not-yet-famous Natalie Portman as police Detective Al Pacino's stepdaughter -- and said idea clearly hinges on the fact that it would involve a lot scenes of him making out with Portman.

Warner Bros.

Warner Bros.Someone liked the original script for Leon: The Professional a little too much.

The pitch borrows from another intense DeNiro classic, Meet The Parents. It involves a retired Pacino being visited by his stepdaughter and meeting her fiance, who's (twist) Kilmer's character, who would be acting out of revenge, looking to "torture" Pacino -- though it's hard to imagine topping the torture of your daughter dating some Val Kilmer-esque guy who's 20 years older. It's less Heat and more Why Him? It's also rather disturbing to suggest you eventually date a character we only knew at the time as a child. That's ... well, downright presidential, I guess.

After killing vampires, matching wits with demons, and grappling with the abject horror of high school adolescents, isn't ghost hunting a bit of a comedown? Investigating a rattling teacup or a bloody sink seems somewhat insignificant after you've prevented multiple apocalypses.

Head also added that the idea came from personal experience, because his own house is haunted by "a little girl and her nanny" -- presumably because some overprotective parent killed a nanny to look after their ghost child. While he claims they're "benevolent," the girl was reportedly "unhappy" over some of the renovations they made. These are the kind of stories the world will never get to see unless someone puts The X-Giles on the air.

While George Lucas shot down the idea like a common womp rat, he did appear to later take Hamill's suggestion that Luke should have braided Samurai-like hair for Anakin's character in the prequels. So, in a way, Hamill did contribute to great, unspeakable evil.

Most interestingly, all of this came out during Dinner For Five, a TV series from the early 2000s in which celebrities proved to the world they were human by ingesting food onscreen. Now take a look at the nerd sitting across from Hamill:

IFC

IFCThe one on the left, not the one in the sports jersey who would never be allowed in any non-televised fancy restaurant.

Yup, future Episode VII director J.J. Abrams was at the table, soaking up Hamill's stories of how awesome an Evil Luke would be. Just before The Force Awakens came out, this footage was exhumed by the pop culture necromancer known as YouTube, prompting everyone to think that this dinner inspired Abrams to make Luke evil in the new movie. For all we know, the dinner was an influence, and Episode VIII will begin with Luke force-choking Rey while getting an extra order of bread sticks.

For more weird directions movies could've gone, check out 7 Insanely Bad Ideas That Almost Ruined Classic Characters and 5 Insane Early Drafts Of Famous Movie Characters.

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