6 Hilariously Bad Ideas Actors Had For Iconic Roles
Hollywood screenwriters rarely help set up the lighting during movies, for the same reason directors don't usually prepare sandwiches for the catering table outside of film school joints. And yet it's entirely acceptable for famous actors to offer input on the plots of big-budget productions. After all, they'll be the ones doing those things and saying those lines in front of millions and millions of people, so they'd never suggest something too stupid, right?
You can probably guess the answer to that question. We'll let you decide whether any of the following actor suggestions are so dumb that they cross over into being brilliant ...
Adam West Wants To Return To The Batman Movies As Batman's Dad (Who Is Also Batman)
If you ignore the times he promoted the war in Vietnam or made drunken appearances at car shows, Adam West was a damn great Batman. He fought crime, thoughtfully cared for his young ward, and even kicked the Joker's ass in a surfing competition, which is apparently the only way to truly get the better of his bloodthirsty madness.
However, in case you hadn't noticed, they've made a few Batman movies since the days when the Dark Knight could slip a pair of swim trunks over his costume like it was no big deal -- and West has wanted to be a part of almost all of them. This goes all the way back to 1989, when West kept insisting that he should play Batman, which would be a little like casting Mr. Rogers as the Punisher. (That is, awesome. Until you get to the wanton killing. Then it's just traumatizing.)
When Christian Bale took over as a Batman more likely to break a guy's neck than bust out a can of Shark Repellent, West again chimed in that he should be in the movie, but as Batman's father. Comic book connoisseurs might notice one tiny problem with this idea: Dr. Thomas Wayne took that fatal alley shortcut way before he got to be West's age. In West's proposed version, though, he'd still be alive ... and he'd be Batman, too.
West suggested that "The older Batman comes out of the woodwork, when times get really tough ... maybe [gives Bruce] a few tips here and there ..." Frighteningly, there are comic book precedents for Batman's old man putting on a pointy-eared cowl, whether in the past or in alternate timelines. Something tells us West's remarks are less about respecting continuity and more about having trouble letting go of his most (only) famous character, though.
Even recently, West suggested he could be in Batman V. Superman, again as Bruce Wayne's zombie father / spare Batman. He would come back "one dark and stormy lightning-riven night through a library window. Bruce Wayne is there thinking, 'I'll never solve this. This is the most difficult thing in my life.' In comes old dad, like a bat, almost." Which, come to think of it, still wouldn't be the dumbest thing in that movie.
William Shatner Wanted To Resurrect Captain Kirk As A Cyborg (And A Ghost)
There's almost no end to the dumb places William Shatner's Captain Kirk will show up, such as this British energy company commercial, in which he switches bodies with a female officer and (of course) gropes himself.
But while these were thankfully outside of the Star Trek canon, Kirk's dumbest appearance ever could have realistically made it into a movie, and it was masterminded by the actor himself.
It's no secret that Shatner wasn't exactly thrilled with the fact that Kirk was killed off at the end of Star Trek: Generations ... so he set out to, in his mind, rectify things. Rumor has it that he pitched an idea to Paramount for a sequel to Generations wherein Kirk is un-killed, but it was turned down. How do we know this rumor wasn't made up by some bored nerd waiting for his grainy internet porn to load? Because a few years later, Shatner released a novel that acts as a "coda" to the movie, in which that exact damn thing happens.
Star Trek: The Return finds Kirk's body being stolen -- disappointingly, not by 20-somethings who throw a pair of sunglasses on him to have a sweet party on the Enterprise, but by the Romulans, who then use Borg technology to bring him back to life. This all leads to Shatner writing himself another big death scene. After having the Borg implants removed on Deep Space Nine, Kirk and Picard awkwardly argue over who gets to sacrifice their life to save the galaxy:
What does Kirk do? He knocks out Picard and sacrifices his own life once more.
That's right, he gets to be the big hero and smack the guy who took his job square in the jaw, making this the Trek equivalent of your stories in which you save the office from terrorists and punch Dave with the corner office right in his stupid face. Even then, the book still can't let Kirk go, ending with an epilogue in which he is sent on a mission in the afterlife by Spock's dead dad because ... uh ... because ... well, Shatner.
Jude Law And Robert Downey Jr. Thought Sherlock Holmes Should Time Travel (On Drugs)
Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes movies are a fun mix of the intelligent mysteries everyone loves about the original stories and scenes of Holmes brawling with sweaty meatheads in filthy clubs that no one in their right mind ever asked for.
But leaving aside the occasional moment of muscle-rippling slow-motion fisticuffs, the movies at least stay somewhat close to the tone of the source material. That much definitely can't be said about Jude Law's idea for the upcoming third movie, which sounds more like something one of Sherlock's opium den buddies would mutter to himself in the corner.
Law, who plays Dr. Watson, decided that the next Sherlock Holmes should be about time travel. When asked about it in an interview, Law was surprised that the information had leaked, but admitted that he did suggest the idea to Ritchie and Robert Downey Jr., who "kind of went ... what?" Downey eventually came around, suggesting that the time machine should be edible: "You eat it and you go, 'Oh my God, I'm in 2024!'" Yeah, that's a drug, Robert. Or any food in a few years.
Not surprisingly, the guy in charge of the movie remained unimpressed with the idea of taking a classic literary work and adding a magic drug that propels you forward in time. He stated that while Law is a smart guy, Sherlock Holmes 3: Holy Shit It's 2024 was "not the zenith of his ideas."
Val Kilmer Has An Idea For A Heat Sequel That's Mainly About Him Dating Natalie Portman
Val Kilmer's played a lot of iconic roles, from Jim Morrison to Batman to Batman villain Mr. Freeze's nephew, Iceman. One of his greatest roles was a supporting one, though. He played the right-hand man to aging thief Robert DeNiro in Michael Mann's Heat, an epic cinematic adaptation of a schoolyard "cops and robbers" game.
There's never been a sequel to Heat, probably because (spoilers for a movie old enough to purchase alcohol) DeNiro dies in the end, and also because that's a terrible idea. That hasn't stopped at least one person from suggesting that Michael Mann return to what would certainly become known as the Heat-verse, and that person is Kilmer.
Kilmer's idea for Heat 2 hinges on the fact that the original featured a not-yet-famous Natalie Portman as police Detective Al Pacino's stepdaughter -- and said idea clearly hinges on the fact that it would involve a lot scenes of him making out with Portman.
The pitch borrows from another intense DeNiro classic, Meet The Parents. It involves a retired Pacino being visited by his stepdaughter and meeting her fiance, who's (twist) Kilmer's character, who would be acting out of revenge, looking to "torture" Pacino -- though it's hard to imagine topping the torture of your daughter dating some Val Kilmer-esque guy who's 20 years older. It's less Heat and more Why Him? It's also rather disturbing to suggest you eventually date a character we only knew at the time as a child. That's ... well, downright presidential, I guess.
Giles From Buffy The Vampire Slayer Wants A Spinoff About Ghost Hunting
You probably know that there was a Buffy spin-off about Angel, the vampire who had a soul, which also seemingly allowed him to gain weight and age. However, the cast was full of other characters who could easily support their own shows, from Oz the pacifist werewolf, to Willow the conflicted queer witch, to Xander, who has an eyepatch. And then, of course, there was Giles the librarian, who was really good at looking things up in books (a thing people did before Google).
To be fair, Giles did more than spend his time shushing people and preventing derelicts from looking up internet porn -- he was a member of the secret order of the Watchers, and as such, he helped save the world from the forces of evil multiple times. Hoping to capitalize on the character's untapped potential, Giles' actor, Anthony Stewart Head, pitched the idea of a Giles spinoff directly to Joss Whedon. His idea? Giles becomes a ghost hunter. You know, like these jackasses:
After killing vampires, matching wits with demons, and grappling with the abject horror of high school adolescents, isn't ghost hunting a bit of a comedown? Investigating a rattling teacup or a bloody sink seems somewhat insignificant after you've prevented multiple apocalypses.
Head also added that the idea came from personal experience, because his own house is haunted by "a little girl and her nanny" -- presumably because some overprotective parent killed a nanny to look after their ghost child. While he claims they're "benevolent," the girl was reportedly "unhappy" over some of the renovations they made. These are the kind of stories the world will never get to see unless someone puts The X-Giles on the air.
Mark Hamill Thought Luke Skywalker Should Turn Evil
In the original Star Wars trilogy, the journey of Luke Skywalker is pretty cut and dried. He goes from a whiny farm boy to an impetuous student to a triumphant hero who will be remembered in the history books ... which will hopefully omit all the times he got a little too cozy with his sister.
However, Mark Hamill had a different idea for his signature character. He thought that Luke should be persuaded to the Dark Side by his father, much in the same way that your dad convinced you that Phil Collins was a damn badass until reality broke his spell. After turning to evil, Luke would try to kill Han, or maybe even Leia, or "somebody that we care about." (Lobot, nooooooo!) And then, when he had them in his "crosshairs," Darth Luke would dramatically come back to the Light Side, opting not to straight-up murder his only friends who aren't made of aluminum and sass.
While George Lucas shot down the idea like a common womp rat, he did appear to later take Hamill's suggestion that Luke should have braided Samurai-like hair for Anakin's character in the prequels. So, in a way, Hamill did contribute to great, unspeakable evil.
Most interestingly, all of this came out during Dinner For Five, a TV series from the early 2000s in which celebrities proved to the world they were human by ingesting food onscreen. Now take a look at the nerd sitting across from Hamill:
Yup, future Episode VII director J.J. Abrams was at the table, soaking up Hamill's stories of how awesome an Evil Luke would be. Just before The Force Awakens came out, this footage was exhumed by the pop culture necromancer known as YouTube, prompting everyone to think that this dinner inspired Abrams to make Luke evil in the new movie. For all we know, the dinner was an influence, and Episode VIII will begin with Luke force-choking Rey while getting an extra order of bread sticks.
For more weird directions movies could've gone, check out 7 Insanely Bad Ideas That Almost Ruined Classic Characters and 5 Insane Early Drafts Of Famous Movie Characters.
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