5

William Shatner Wanted To Resurrect Captain Kirk As A Cyborg (And A Ghost)

There's almost no end to the dumb places William Shatner's Captain Kirk will show up, such as this British energy company commercial, in which he switches bodies with a female officer and (of course) gropes himself.

National Power/Power Gen

National Power/Power GenHe loses his "Captain's Log" in the process, though.

But while these were thankfully outside of the Star Trek canon, Kirk's dumbest appearance ever could have realistically made it into a movie, and it was masterminded by the actor himself.

It's no secret that Shatner wasn't exactly thrilled with the fact that Kirk was killed off at the end of Star Trek: Generations ... so he set out to, in his mind, rectify things. Rumor has it that he pitched an idea to Paramount for a sequel to Generations wherein Kirk is un-killed, but it was turned down. How do we know this rumor wasn't made up by some bored nerd waiting for his grainy internet porn to load? Because a few years later, Shatner released a novel that acts as a "coda" to the movie, in which that exact damn thing happens.

Pocket Books"... as long as their agents are insistent enough."

4

Jude Law And Robert Downey Jr. Thought Sherlock Holmes Should Time Travel (On Drugs)

Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes movies are a fun mix of the intelligent mysteries everyone loves about the original stories and scenes of Holmes brawling with sweaty meatheads in filthy clubs that no one in their right mind ever asked for.

Warner Bros.

Warner Bros.Ritchie saw the "Conan" part of the author's name and thought it was a series about barbarians.

But leaving aside the occasional moment of muscle-rippling slow-motion fisticuffs, the movies at least stay somewhat close to the tone of the source material. That much definitely can't be said about Jude Law's idea for the upcoming third movie, which sounds more like something one of Sherlock's opium den buddies would mutter to himself in the corner.

3

Val Kilmer Has An Idea For A Heat Sequel That's Mainly About Him Dating Natalie Portman

Val Kilmer's played a lot of iconic roles, from Jim Morrison to Batman to Batman villain Mr. Freeze's nephew, Iceman. One of his greatest roles was a supporting one, though. He played the right-hand man to aging thief Robert DeNiro in Michael Mann's Heat, an epic cinematic adaptation of a schoolyard "cops and robbers" game.

Warner Bros.In which Jason finally realizes that guns are a thing.

There's never been a sequel to Heat, probably because (spoilers for a movie old enough to purchase alcohol) DeNiro dies in the end, and also because that's a terrible idea. That hasn't stopped at least one person from suggesting that Michael Mann return to what would certainly become known as the Heat-verse, and that person is Kilmer.

Kilmer's idea for Heat 2 hinges on the fact that the original featured a not-yet-famous Natalie Portman as police Detective Al Pacino's stepdaughter -- and said idea clearly hinges on the fact that it would involve a lot scenes of him making out with Portman.

Warner Bros.

Warner Bros.Someone liked the original script for Leon: The Professional a little too much.

2

Giles From Buffy The Vampire Slayer Wants A Spinoff About Ghost Hunting

You probably know that there was a Buffy spin-off about Angel, the vampire who had a soul, which also seemingly allowed him to gain weight and age. However, the cast was full of other characters who could easily support their own shows, from Oz the pacifist werewolf, to Willow the conflicted queer witch, to Xander, who has an eyepatch. And then, of course, there was Giles the librarian, who was really good at looking things up in books (a thing people did before Google).

20th TelevisionHe was also amazing at cleaning his glasses.

To be fair, Giles did more than spend his time shushing people and preventing derelicts from looking up internet porn -- he was a member of the secret order of the Watchers, and as such, he helped save the world from the forces of evil multiple times. Hoping to capitalize on the character's untapped potential, Giles' actor, Anthony Stewart Head, pitched the idea of a Giles spinoff directly to Joss Whedon. His idea? Giles becomes a ghost hunter. You know, like these jackasses:

Bci/EclipseGhost Busters fans were incensed in 1984 when they announced the all-human remake.

1

Mark Hamill Thought Luke Skywalker Should Turn Evil

In the original Star Wars trilogy, the journey of Luke Skywalker is pretty cut and dried. He goes from a whiny farm boy to an impetuous student to a triumphant hero who will be remembered in the history books ... which will hopefully omit all the times he got a little too cozy with his sister.

LucasfilmThe Space Bible raises even more awkward questions than the earthly one.

However, Mark Hamill had a different idea for his signature character. He thought that Luke should be persuaded to the Dark Side by his father, much in the same way that your dad convinced you that Phil Collins was a damn badass until reality broke his spell. After turning to evil, Luke would try to kill Han, or maybe even Leia, or "somebody that we care about." (Lobot, nooooooo!) And then, when he had them in his "crosshairs," Darth Luke would dramatically come back to the Light Side, opting not to straight-up murder his only friends who aren't made of aluminum and sass.

Lucasfilm He knows better than to antagonize someone who can electrocute you in the dick.

While George Lucas shot down the idea like a common womp rat, he did appear to later take Hamill's suggestion that Luke should have braided Samurai-like hair for Anakin's character in the prequels. So, in a way, Hamill did contribute to great, unspeakable evil.

Most interestingly, all of this came out during Dinner For Five, a TV series from the early 2000s in which celebrities proved to the world they were human by ingesting food onscreen. Now take a look at the nerd sitting across from Hamill:

IFC

IFCThe one on the left, not the one in the sports jersey who would never be allowed in any non-televised fancy restaurant.

Yup, future Episode VII director J.J. Abrams was at the table, soaking up Hamill's stories of how awesome an Evil Luke would be. Just before The Force Awakens came out, this footage was exhumed by the pop culture necromancer known as YouTube, prompting everyone to think that this dinner inspired Abrams to make Luke evil in the new movie. For all we know, the dinner was an influence, and Episode VIII will begin with Luke force-choking Rey while getting an extra order of bread sticks.

For more weird directions movies could've gone, check out 7 Insanely Bad Ideas That Almost Ruined Classic Characters and 5 Insane Early Drafts Of Famous Movie Characters.

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