Pilot Suicide Crashes Are Now A Bigger Problem Than Hijackings
Sebastien Mortier/Wiki Commons
What You're Scared Of:
Terrorists hijacking your plane.
What You Should Be Scared Of:
Your pilot hijacking your plane.
The phrase "pilot suicide" sounds sad but not particularly alarming, until you realize it means they're suiciding you (and everyone else in the plane) at the same time. And it's happening more and more often. The first officer of Germanwings Flight 9525 was upset over a doctor's diagnosis, the first officer of EgyptAir 990 was upset over sexual assault allegations, and the captain of SilkAir Flight 185 was apparently upset over stock market losses. All three waited until their co-pilots had to use the John before simply flying their planes into the fucking ground.
John Mottern/AFP/Getty Images
Pictured: America's deadliest bathroom break.
And those weren't even the smart ones. We're not talking about the ten pilots who have hijacked their own planes for asylum -- we're talking about the evil assholes who tried to construct intricate plans to crash their planes in ways that couldn't be solved, guaranteeing a hefty life insurance payout. How many got away with this is unclear (and we'll ignore the implications this has for MH370), but the ones who failed are essentially cheesy action movie villains. Take, for example, FedEx flight engineer and martial arts expert Auburn Calloway, who tried to ambush his co-pilots with melee weapons, resulting in an insane anti-gravity fight straight out of Inception.
Federal Aviation Administration
Or the worst Castaway reboot imaginable.
But hey, at least that was a cargo plane, and ultimately, no one was killed. The same can't be said for the time the pilot of Japan Airlines Flight 350 tried to crash his plane in 1982 and make it look like an accident. His co-pilot and flight engineer him fought for control, but the plane went down in Tokyo Bay, killing 24 of the 174 people onboard. Unfortunately, the pilot was one of the survivors. He disguised himself as a passenger and escaped, but was quickly apprehended and carted off to a mental hospital.