Nordic Countries Have A Shitload Of Guns And Rednecks
Rama / Wiki Commons
The Nordic nations are renowned for being socialist utopias with more left lean than a NASCAR track. If Bernie Sanders were Scandinavian, he'd run as a moderate. Meanwhile, back in the USA, like a procrastinating Jesus, the South has long vowed to rise again. Guess what? The Old South is alive and well in the place you'd least expect: Northern Europe. The embodiment of the gun-crazy, Confederate-flag-swinging redneck stereotype isn't from Houston; he's from Helsinki.
Let's hit the gun thing first. Switzerland may not be Nordic, but they have the third or fourth highest rate of gun ownership per 100 citizens in the world, depending on whom you ask. In Switzerland, gun control isn't about restrictions and background checks -- it's about learning to control your government-issued weapon. Kids as young as 11 are encouraged to pick up the ol' rifle and compete in shooting festivals like it's no big thing. So why doesn't Switzerland have an American-sized gun problem? Experts think it's because the weapons are issued for sport and national defense, not personal defense. Swiss gun owners don't fantasize about gunning down bad guys with a gun at a school -- they fantasize about gunning down an entire army of invaders at the border. Keep dreaming, Switzerland. Everyone is afraid of you.
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Pictured: Switzerland, not Texas.
Finland is also gun-crazy, but not because they're scared of invaders. They're just scared of carbs. Up until the 20th Century, Finns were still relying on hunting as their major source of sustenance. But you can't simply walk into a sporting goods store and buy a hunting rifle -- all of those hunters have to pass written quizzes about animals and gun legislation, a shooting range test, and a background check. Then they have to specify which types of game they'll be hunting and how many they're planning to shoot during the season before anyone gives them a license. Norway is in the same boat, gun-wise.
Military of Finland