Don't fuck with crows, man.
Now we should clarify -- that's not part of the deleted scene. They only deleted Screweyes' origin story, because it was "too disturbing. We submit that it's way more disturbing to leave kids with the message that crows could eat them at any time, for no reason whatsoever.
Starchaser: The Legend Of Orin -- A Star Wars Rip-Off With Android Anal Rape
The trailer for Starchaser: The Legend Of Orin promises a "journey to the edge of imagination and beyond." It features the story of a peasant boy who discovers a sword made of light, is told that his destiny is to overthrow an evil space overlord, and bands together with a rogue smuggler to escape the planet and a band of slavers. Turns out "the edge of imagination" stops right outside the office of George Lucas' lawyer.
"No, it's not a rip-off. Didn't you see the horses?"
But, hey, copyright infringement or not, it's just harmless '80s sci-fi that kids will love and adults will barely tolerate, right? And at least there are no Ewoks.
During the course of their wildly original adventure, Imitation Luke Skywalker and Bargain-Bin Han Solo wind up carrying off a Female C-3PO, but she proves too feisty for them to handle. A woman who opposes being held against her will? This audacity must be corrected! So, they decide to rewire her personality circuits ... and watch the expression that forms on Han Duo's face when he finds out where those circuits are located:
If GIFs could make a sound, it would be this.
Yes, changing this robot lady's personality requires literally busting into her ass. We've seen homemade pornos with subtler plots. Sensing the man's depraved intentions, the fembot immediately cries out for help, but he just slaps some tape over her mouth. Our hero then goes to town on that shiny metal ass, ignoring the synthetic woman's struggles and muffled cries.
It's amazing this moves so smoothly when the animators were using only one hand.
When Hand Solo is done with his pervy handywork, the fembot suddenly becomes a fawning slave to his desires. Remember that, kids: If a woman is resisting your advances, just tie her down and violate her as-
OK, so we're being told by the Child Welfare Bureau that we're not actually allowed to finish that sentence. The last word was "ascot," by the way. We were uh ... advocating that you steal her fancy scarf.
Alex writes a variety of horrifyingly compelling stories, one of which you can read here. He would like to give special thanks to Erratica for introducing him to the wonderfully messed-up world of Unico In The Island Of Magic and for all the traumatic flashbacks it has given him.
For more evidence that the people who create our kids' shows are out to destroy America, check out 7 Horrifying Moments from Classic Kids Movies and 4 Children's Books That Will Unintentionally Scar Your Kids.
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