But Actually ...
Shockingly, stuffing your face full of chocolate -- even of the darkest variety -- won't lead to Rain Man memory or post-Photoshop quality skin ... unless you're willing to accept the tradeoff of causing your ass to swell at a rate directly proportional to any perceived benefits.
"Eh, fuck Becky."
You see, the flavanols present in chocolate are indeed, to put it in scientific terms, "the shit." In one study, older volunteers who drank a concentrated flavanol beverage for three months before taking a memory test performed as well as those half their age. Subsequent scans revealed increased blood flow to certain areas of the brain, including a region implicated in the development of CRS disease in the elderly. But here's the catch: Most commercial chocolates are shitty sources of flavanol, because the processes that make chocolate delicious also spell genocide for the beneficial compounds therein. So to get a good flavanol buzz going, you'd need to snarf down at least seven chocolate bars every single day -- which, admittedly, is not that big of a stretch from the average American diet.
We call that "brunch" around here.