You don't have to be a writer to write for Cracked. You just have to have something to say. If that thing you have to say isn't a typical "Cracked list article," then that's even better.
We want you. If you know a lot of fascinating things, if you enjoy researching stuff, or if you just have a way with words, click here and learn how we can turn that into cold, hard, nasty cash. No experience necessary.
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Pants either. Working from home is awesome.
Of course, it's not that we don't want writers or aspiring writers -- our bylines are full of those, too. Maybe you write fan fiction or have your own blog or Tumblr or ... whatever (what was that new one? Ello? Are people using that?). Maybe you've written a book once or twice or four times for NaNoWriMo. Maybe you're reaching that point where you're starting to wonder if you'll ever have an audience or ever actually get paid for your work. Well, consider my example:
I started pitching here six years ago, with zero writing credits to my name and no professional experience whatsoever. I was a college drop-out working a minimum-wage job when I made the fateful decision to join the Cracked writer's workshop, which is just a private message board where people like you submit article ideas and the editors work with you to get them published on the site.
Today I work for Cracked full-time. Last month, I signed my first book deal, with Plume Publishing. And I'm far from the only Cracked writer who started out pitching articles and eventually used my work here as a springboard to a stack of cash and my very own ISBN number: David Wong, Kathy Benjamin, Robert Brockway, Asher Cantrell, Dan O'freaking Brien, Jacopo Della Quercia, C. Coville, Wayne Gladstone, and Winston Rowntree have all signed book deals over the last few years. Some of them multiple times.
*deep breath* St. Martin's Griffin, Adams Media, Tor Books, Adams Media, Three Rivers Press, St. Martin's Griffin, Adams Media, Thomas Dunne Books, Three Rivers Press
You. This could be you.
We didn't get where we are because we were kissed by the Angel of Talent as children or because we hiked to the highest peak in Cuba to drink a vial of Hemingway's blood. Like you, we all wanted to be writers, or at least to write things. And, like many of you, for a long time we had zero luck in making that dream pay off. Then we clicked this link and found a forum full of friendly and often hilarious professionals who helped us learn how to pitch and write articles.
See, the writer's lobe of your brain (it's nestled between the coffee and depression lobes) is a muscle. And the more you work it by thinking up ideas, then researching and pitching them, the stronger it'll get. If you follow the feedback of our helpful workshop moderators and editors, you won't just become a better Cracked writer -- you'll become a better writer in general. A better person. A better lover.
So click this link and start working out what might prove to be the most lucrative muscle in your whole damn body. Don't be discouraged if your first pitch doesn't work out -- mine didn't. In fact, for every article I've written for this site there's at least one or two more I pitched that never worked out. I pitched three books before one got accepted -- and that's the beauty of writing! Your failures are worth at least as much as your successes. As long as you're writing, you're improving. Hell, some people come into the workshop and just ... hang out. Give suggestions on other pitches, encourage each other, watch the editors do their thing. I bet you'll learn more in a week of hanging around the workshop than you did in any one semester of a creative writing class.
As for the pay, there's no mysterious algorithm or bait-and-switch. Starting pay is $100 per feature article ($50 for the shorter Quick Fix articles). It jumps to $200 with your fifth accepted feature. If your feature or QF winds up among the most popular that month, we throw you an extra $100 (or $50 for a Quick Fix) as a bonus. If you're an artsy type or just like making funny Photoshops, you can make money that way, too. If you have a fascinating true story to tell about your life but don't know how to write it, send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org and we'll pair you up with a writer.
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And still pair you up with cash.
If you have something to say that our audience will find interesting, we'll find a fucking way to make it work. We're just as eager to get your voice in front of an audience as you are -- this is how we put food on the table. If we put up a bunch of annoying barriers between creators and the audience -- or the creators and their paycheck -- we die. No one wants you to succeed more than we do.
And don't be afraid to get weird: Evan Symon had the crazy idea to track down a bunch of awful recipes that were popular in our grandparents' time, make them, and eat them. It's been read 1.7 million times. Alli Reed had the bright idea to create the world's worst OKCupid profile and write about the results. It's been read 4.5 million times. We wouldn't have come up with either of those ideas on our own -- we're looking for people who can take us in new directions.
So click this link, sign up, and start pitching. If you have technical problems (some people have issues verifying their account, or the blue button doesn't appear on the sign-up page) email email@example.com.
Money -- and maybe the start of a new career -- could be just one click away. What do you have to lose?
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Besides needing to wear these.
For more amazing content readers LIKE YOU have published, check out The 5 Craziest Ways Famous Actors Got into Character and 15 Images You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped.
For as much as people love them, the 'Star Wars' movies have gotten rather awkward from time to time.
Bawitdaba, pass the green beans.
It's hard out there for millionaire purveyors of garbage pizza.