Believe it or not, science just might have found an answer. After carefully monitoring nearly 7,500 shits from 70 dogs across 37 diverse breeds, researchers found that the dogs consistently laid waste along the north-south axis of the Earth's magnetic field.
And while you'd like to write that off as coincidence, or that maybe they're going by the position of the sun or some shit, scientists are pretty sure that the dogs were following a kind of built-in magnetic sensor. When they disrupted the magnetic field in the room, the pups' poop centers went haywire, dropping turds in the kind of random patterns that up to now most of you assumed were the norm for canine shits.
Do not test this at home with your dog and a microwave.
If this sounds like some kind of dog turd-based pseudoscience, it's not -- this ability to sense magnetic fields exists in a lot of species. For instance, we've mentioned before how cows have been caught feeding in the same direction on satellite imagery and foxes hunt best while using the magnetic field to triangulate their attacks. It's just that in both of those cases, the magnetic instinct seems to be put toward something useful: a unified herding behavior or an advanced targeting system. But what possible need does a dog have for spinning around and around just to find the perfect angle to play a deuce ... unless it's to flaunt its magnetic mastery in our faces.