So, John is traveling around to spread the gospel as far as he can and has amassed a decent following. The group he is traveling with comes to an abandoned inn, and they decide to rest for the night. Too bad there's only one bed, which obviously goes to John. Double too bad that the bed is full of bed bugs. How do the apostles know? Because John talks to them. Not the friends, the bugs:
I say unto you, O bugs, behave yourselves, one and all, and leave your abode for this night and remain quiet in one place, and keep your distance from the servants of God.
"Behave yourselves," he says, like he's talking to a pre-K room of humans or characters in an Austin Powers movie. The next morning, when the group wakes up, they see a brigade of bed bugs standing patiently outside the door of the inn, waiting:
"Since ye have well behaved yourselves in hearkening to my rebuke, come unto your place."
"But wipe your damn feet, I just mopped!"
John invites the bed bugs back into the house, and they immediately crawl back into the bed and disappear into the crevices. Win-win for everyone.