In other words, Mikey grabbed the worst possible thing he could have grabbed from that room full of treasure. In all likelihood, the "gems" aren't going to be enough to save the neighborhood. Unfortunately for the Goonies, we don't really trade colored beads for slaves anymore, so the only thing those things are good for is getting flashed at Mardi Gras. So maybe that's what Mikey's dad was so excited about.
Taken -- Half of Europe Wants to Kill Liam Neeson
The "Happy" Ending:
Taken, if you haven't seen it, is basically Liam Neeson killing people for 90 minutes, with three minutes of him and his daughter tacked to the beginning and the end to give the movie the semblance of a plot. The bulk of the film seems made up of scenes they had to cut out of 24 because they made Jack Bauer look too crazy.
When his daughter is kidnapped by a huge sex slavery operation, former CIA Agent Bryan Mills (Neeson) goes on a bloody rampage across Europe until he finds her and brings her back to America to be with her mother and her pony. The end.
There's a pony in this movie, and Liam Neeson didn't shoot it? What kind of world are we living in?
But After the Movie's Over ...
Obviously, the mere existence of a sequel proves that the ending isn't as happy as it seems, but Taken 2 only deals with the least dangerous of the loose ends left by the first movie.
It turns out that going on bloody rampages across continents isn't a good way to make friends. The second movie deals with the revenge of the low-level European kidnappers Mills shot his way through in the first one -- but these are only the henchmen of the real bad guys, and the ones who had the least resources to track him down in America. The only reason they're able to kidnap him in Taken 2 is that he takes his family on a vacation to their home turf.
Actually, this sounds exactly like this man's idea of a vacation.
The ones that Mills should really worry about are the wealthy international criminals who actually pay for (and enjoy the fruits of) the sex slave ring. Mills shot some of their men, took his daughter and left their operation relatively undisturbed. These men invest a considerable amount of money kidnapping and enslaving teenagers just for shits and giggles -- they could easily pull together a few million or so for a "make Bryan Mills' life a living hell" project.
But let's say that, despite all their money, they don't know Mills' name and can't track him down. Luckily for them, there's someone who does: Mills' ex-CIA buddy, Jean-Claude. At one point, Mills finds out that Jean-Claude has ties to the sex slave operation ... so he shoots Jean-Claude's wife in the arm in front of him to get information, then leaves him alive.
"I gotta go now, but we should all get dinner sometime."
This guy knows who Mills is and where he lives, is well-connected and just watched Mills shoot his innocent wife. Why wouldn't he go after Mills, or at the very least send a few hit men to do the same to his wife? Anyway, sorry if we just spoiled the plot of Taken parts 3 through 5.
Alex Race can be added on Facebook, or emailed at firstname.lastname@example.org.
For more movies with regrettable endings, check out The 6 Most Depressing Happy Endings in Movie History and 6 Movies That Didn't Realize They Let The Villain Win.
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