We are sure you remember Vira from the movie and the impressive performance by Delta Burke that gained her an Oscar ... in some parallel universe only Kirby's mind can access.
Since the movie didn't have many characters whose name you can even remember except for HAL and astronaut Dave, and one of them dies and the other takes a trip into a tie-dyed T-shirt and comes out transformed into a cosmic fetus, that makes continuing their stories kind of difficult. Kirby of course decided to continue the story of the third most memorable character from the movie, the black monoliths. All the issues after the movie story is finished are about the black monoliths visiting Earth in different time periods and helping people defeat bullies like very rectangular Mr. Miyagis.
So like in the novel, this is about the monoliths helping out mankind's development, but since having the monoliths help Aristotle invent physics would be boring to draw, Kirby has the monoliths help some random ancient tribe invent wheels and beat the crap out of their neighbors.
"If do right, no can defense."
Every issue then transports us back to the far-off future of the year 2001 where the reincarnations (maybe?) of the characters from the past get contacted once more by the monoliths and get transformed into space babies. So we guess in Kirby's version astronaut Dave is the reincarnation of the monkey from the beginning of the movie?
This should be a "before and after" ad for antipsychotic medication.
By issue No. 8, Kirby was tired of this shit, so he introduced a new character called Machine Man, the Living Robot! He is an android that receives sentience from the monoliths because ... who knows? They were in the neighborhood looking for more space babies for their collection, they had a few drinks, and giving sentience to random machines is something to do, you know? Fuck you! Don't judge the monoliths, you have been drunk, too!
Hotline to Hades. Horny demons are waiting for your call. Must be 18 or older.
And this is the last time you will ever see the monoliths in the 2001 comic, because after this it's all about Machine Man escaping the lab where he was created and being hunted by the military. What, you want more space babies? Well, then get yourself a giant slingshot and go raid a maternity ward, 'cause Kirby is busy now drawing robots fighting the military-industrial complex. Oh, and then Machine Man got into a fight with the Hulk.
We admire the ambition, but maybe you should start with Hawkeye and then work your way up?
What? You didn't know that 2001 takes place in the Marvel universe? Well, now it does! Somebody really needs to write a comedy about Wolverine, Spider-Man and Thor raising a space baby.
Maxwell Yezpitelok also makes terrible comics, so really he's in no position to judge. Special thanks to Uschi von Buccher for being rad.
For more God awful comics, check out The 7 Crappiest "Superheroes" in Comic Book History and The 8 Most Awkward Sexual Moments in Comic Book History.
If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out 3 Telltale Signs Your Online Girlfriend Is a Scam.