According to this article, as of November 1987, Hayes had received more than 77,000 letters and earned more than $26,000. Snopes follows that up by confirming that the enterprising young handout enthusiast did indeed earn enough for that college education and graduated with a degree in food science.

Good choice. A degree like that is going to give Mike a major leg up when it comes time to fight for the last available fast food job in town with the rest of the college graduate pool.

"With my degree paid for, I was able to afford the machete that got me my first job."

Shockingly, the plan worked. Michelle Obama called an aide over to get the Marine's information and, as far as we know, is still planning to attend the event in November. But even if she backs out, how many among us can claim to have hit on the first lady without being tasered and dragged out of the room in handcuffs?

Jewel Samad / Getty
Not all of his guards look like 12-year-olds.

Usually we do not. But there's something about the naivete of youth that makes anything seem possible, even a herculean task such as getting a long-standing product-naming error corrected. So when 3-year-old Lily Robinson noticed that a product called "tiger bread" at her local supermarket seemed to have been named by a complete dumbass, she didn't hesitate to act.

By Lily's estimation, the product that these buffoons were selling as tiger bread should have been named after the savannah's tall drink of goofy, the giraffe. And she was objectively right. The bread's cracked, crusty skin made it look like it was spotted. And so she sat down with a pen and paper (and probably one of those fake tea sets like in the movies) and hammered out a sternly worded letter for the people at Sainsbury's, the local grocer in question, and asked the 3-year-old equivalent of "Have you jerkoffs ever even seen a tiger?"

Scalytail
"Seriously, get some fact checkers, you grocery-shilling ignoramuses."

It's the kind of wiseacre comment you imagine retailers getting by the hundreds, if grocers' mail is anything like our comment section, but present it in the hastily scrawled penmanship of a 3-year-old and people pay attention. Why? Because kids not only are adorable, but also are too young to know that they should demand payment for their work. Rename something based on the recommendation of an adult and you might as well give them a cut of your company's revenue, because they're going to expect a windfall.

Not little Lily, though. All she got in return was a letter from the company, saying her idea was brilliant, and a Sainsbury's gift card. As for the bread, it retained its tiger-based moniker for a few more weeks, but once Lily's letter went viral on social media outlets, the company relented to public pressure (great use of your free time, England) and changed the name to giraffe bread. And all it took was a little girl to sit them down and tell them that nobody was fooled by the badass self-appointed nickname they'd given their bread.

J Sainsbury plc
From the hands of babes ... come rampant typos.

Remember the days when all the kids viewed Jay Leno as the epitome of cool? Right, neither do we, but apparently there was a time when that must have been the case. Or at least it was if Jay Leno is to be believed.

Getty
Would this man lie to you?

According to the story Leno eventually tells in this video (after ten-and-a-half action-packed minutes of him talking about cars), a young boy sent him a letter requesting help with a dire problem. See, this insincere lad had been telling his classmates that Jay Leno was his uncle, and sometimes Uncle Jay would give him a ride in his Lamborghini! Or at least he'd promise to give him a ride five years later, only to have the kid forcibly removed once he got in the car. We're unclear which version of the story the kid was feeding his friends. And it doesn't matter, because of course nobody believed the little fibber. After word of his deception hit the playground, little "Unnamed Jay Leno Fan No. 1" was a walking punchline. Hey, just like his fake dad!

Fast forward to Jay Leno reading a note from this kid asking if he'd help him live a lie and give him a lift to school. Because Jay Leno is a nice guy, and not overly concerned about sending kids the worst possible message about the consequences of their actions, he agreed to help out. A few days after receiving the letter, he showed up to give his young fan a ride to school and, upon dropping him off, even yelled some uncle-worthy words (whatever that means) in the kid's direction to sell the ruse to onlookers.

Donato Sardella / Getty Images
"You ain't inheriting shiiiiit!"

And now, an indeterminate number of years later, all of those friends know that the kid was a liar all over again. Thanks a ton, Jay Leno.

Shane Bennett really liked Samsung products. So much so that he owned a Samsung LCD TV, a Samsung Galaxy S and a Samsung laptop. And, as everyone knows, once you've purchased three of anything from the same company, those people owe you something. Loyalty is meant to be rewarded; that's the whole point.

So, looking to cash in on his continued patronage, Bennett took to Samsung's Facebook page and posted a simple proposition. They send him a free Galaxy III S smartphone, and, not wanting to come off as some kind of freeloader, he would offer up a crude drawing of a dragon in return. Entire nations have changed hands on similar deals.

Shane Bennett via Mashable
This is the 21st century's Louisiana Purchase.

Because marketing people sure are wacky, someone from Samsung replied and explained that they couldn't just give away phones to everyone who asked, but, as a gesture of friendship, offered Bennett a drawing of a kangaroo instead. This adorable and completely improvised exchange made the front page of Reddit. That's a pretty big deal these days, especially from a marketing standpoint. Naturally, the company was going to have to come up with some other way to thank Shane Bennett.

Shane Bennett via Mashable
Although it was a wicked awesome drawing.

What they came up with ... was actually kind of sweet. They used his drawing of a dragon to design a one-of-a-kind Samsung Galaxy S III and shipped it off to the eager fanboy at no cost. And now here we are telling you about it. Marketing magic, ladies and gentlemen.

Shane Bennett via Mashable
Rawr indeed.