Be sure not to rip your appendectomy scar from laughing so hard, please. Or at least do the chair the courtesy of standing before you pee-laugh all over it. I was let into the Cracked writer's club, and once in, it didn't take too many posts for me to mention LOOK AT ME, A GIRL! and, I kid you not, pitch an entire article about euphemisms for getting your period. The only way I could have had a rougher start would have been suggesting we change our named to "Zacked" and make the whole site about the Top X Ways We've All Been Zack Attacked.
You know, when used in combination with this picture, that phrase takes on a whole new, disturbing meaning.
Still, Cracked wanted me. By the time my first article was published on December 18, 2007, I was obsessed with the site. In between homeschooling my kids and working on a diabetes vaccine, I pitched article after article, with only a handful making it through our editorial process. I wrote at night and on the weekends, while my kids played on the beach and during their piano lessons and when they tried to talk to me. I asked for advice and stalked my favorite Cracked writers and scrutinized every single editorial change made to my articles. Before you knew it, I had internalized the Cracked voice and, after having several articles published, I was approached about editing other people's articles as well.
I didn't have time to shave my hands -- back off.