Cracked Round-Up: Pre-Christmas Shopping Edition


The holiday shopping season is almost upon us! And that means its time to get your shopping done for those last few birthdays, celebrations and graduations before Christmas hits in full force. As always, we'd recommend horse tranquilizers and liquor for every gift on your list. Nothing brightens a special day like the gift of slipping into the K-Hole and choking on your own vomit.

Trying to get laid this year in college? Gladstone's article on the four kinds of people can steer you clear of some painful lessons. Luke McKinney collected the most insulting ways video games try to make you pay (after you've already paid). Soren Bowie shed a bit of lucidity on the teen crazes that terrify parents, while Christina discussed the types of people plotting the downfall of your diet. Chris Bucholz made an impassioned plea for the end of a tired and overly Sandler-ized bit as Robert Brockway used Skyrim to fuel his self-discovery. Luke McKinney came back to look at the dumb ways we study for exams and Dan O'Brien closed us off with the worst "official" websites that were ever greenlit.

Cracked Round-Up: Pre-Christmas Shopping Edition
6 Happy Endings That Accidentally Screwed The Movie's Hero
Screenwriters don't tend to think past the final credits.

Notable Comment: "Cracked comments section: trying to prove that you can never be too serious about a humor since 1953."

Actually mrawesomo, our first comments section was introduced in 1968. It worked on a mail-in basis and lasted until that whole unfortunate coke smuggling incident.

Cracked Round-Up: Pre-Christmas Shopping Edition
5 Old Timey Prejudices That Still Show Up in Every Movie
We're not quite sure which "ism" this is, but it has to be one of them.

Notable Comment: "If white Americans can't identify with fellow human beings of different races, how is that NOT a racial issue?"

Because we don't call it that, zdrav. That's why.

Cracked Round-Up: Pre-Christmas Shopping Edition
6 Badass Kids Who Ran Away From Home With a Vengeance
Kind of makes you a pussy from spending all that time with Saturday morning cartoons.

Notable Comment: "I like how stealing cars got the "Dont try this"-disclaimer, but hiding in a submarine didn't."

Blablaname, Cracked gives its tacit approval to any and all attempts at submarine-jacking.

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5 Scientific Advances That Should Have Changed Everything
Sometimes revolutionary genius isn't enough.

Notable Comment: "The ancient Sumerians invented sliced bread but the technology was lost when the fertile crescent stopped being fertile. Just think, if we hadn't lost sliced bread, we would have had so many more technologies that were the greatest things since!"

That's so sad, PinkiePie. Sandwich technology could be centuries ahead of where it is now.

Cracked Round-Up: Pre-Christmas Shopping Edition
5 True Stories That Prove You Shouldn't Piss Off The IT Guy
Nerds have a lot of power in this world. You have to either treat them super well, or break their fingers before they can cross you.

Notable Comment: "An old employer of mind decided to fire the entire creative team overnight, with no warning or reason, just before Christmas, and refuse to pay us for any of December. The web designer had thought ahead and included a kill switch in the code (since the boss was a bit of a turd), and promptly knocked out the site. The employer ranted. She shrugged. He threatened legal action. She said he should go ahead. He paid. She put it back up. The rest of us had a slightly harder time getting our fee out of him, and I often wished that writers could do something like that."

We do have one form of revenge open to us, sophiec: pooping under desks.

Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston & Katy Stoll
the startup
The Startup: A Less Productive Alternative to Unemployment
The economic crisis, revealed.

Spell Check: English Not In Dictionary: potentialize Change To: I'm a pretentious dou Suggested words:
If Error Messages Had a Sense of Humor
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Hilarious Pranks Played on Famous Characters, Famous Photographs Before the CIA Edited Them and History's Great Achievements If The Internet Existed.
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