It started a few years ago when researchers at the Cleveland Clinic found that men who used cellphones a lot (more than four hours a day) consistently had lower sperm quality. OK, that could be something other than the phones themselves -- maybe low-sperm guys just like phones, where more virile dudes like to conduct all of their meetings face to face because there is a better chance of spontaneous sex.
A lot of you are clearly compensating for something.
So, they tested it. They gathered sperm from a few dozen men and, while keeping it all at the same temperature/conditions, put half of it in front of a cellphone and left the other half alone. On average, the doctors found an 85 percent increase in the amount of free radicals in the phone semen (if you don't remember what free radicals are from chemistry class, just know that sperm don't like them).
We know what you're thinking: "I don't put my phone up to my crotch except for when I'm having phone sex! Because I don't know how phone sex works!" But the problem is headsets -- when you are using a headset or earpiece, you tend to leave the phone in your pocket, or in your lap. If you're a dude, that's next to your nuts.
If you're a girl, adding one phone to each bra cup oddly won't do any harm at all.
Again, that's just one study, and they admit the conditions in the lab didn't perfectly imitate those you find inside a human ball sack. Further study is needed, so they're probably looking for irradiated scrotum subjects if you know anyone who wants to volunteer. Maybe you'll turn into some kind of testicle-themed superhero!