Chances are you're already scared of scorpions, and if you're not, it's probably because you don't know enough about them. Scorpions are like spiders in little sets of armor -- they are even equipped with a special paralyzing weapon attached to their tails. Despite qualifying as an insect, we think they have more in common with a Japanese mecha. Of the 1,500 species known to man, only 25 are deadly to humans, which is 25 too many if you ask us. The rest may not kill you, but not for lack of trying (and it still hurts like hell).
We don't care how brave you are. One of these at eye level ends in a urine-soaked sleeping bag.
Scorpions are opportunistic feeders who will tear apart and eat just about anything they can plunge their venomous barbs into. Also, if you're into camping, we feel the need to tell you that most of them come out at night, in order to avoid their numerous predators.
Their Stupid Defect:
Of course, if you do come across a scorpion at night, there's a big chance you'll be able to spot it right away, because this is what they look like:
Like the ceiling of a 10-year-old boy.
Even though scorpions are nocturnal, they produce a special fluorescent chemical that causes them to light up if the stars or the moon are out. Imagine trying to sneak up on your dinner while looking like a damned neon sign. The glow in the dark action not only makes them a dead giveaway to their prey, but also to their predators and, perhaps most annoyingly, to assholes who come out to the desert so they can take artsy blacklight of them.
Life's Little Mysteries
Which just makes us think of CSI and that episode when someone came all over a scorpion.
Scientists think that this may actually be a way to avoid predators, since it lets them know when the night is too bright to go hunting ... by making them look even brighter. In that case, why not just give them better sight and let them tell if it's too bright by looking?
Here's another explanation: Mother Nature is an asshole.
An asshole with style.
You can read all about Monte's attempts to screw over nature here. Read more from Kimmy at kimmydee-pitchabitch.blogspot.com.
For more of her own creations that Mother Nature frowned upon, check out 8 Terrifying Skeletons of Adorable Animals and 6 Formerly Kickass Creatures Ruined by Evolution.
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