Anti-immigrant slogans like "We grew here, you flew here," and the somewhat more direct "Fuck off we're full" begin to make the rounds. Understand, it's the minority of people, and Australia does not hold the patent on racism. But when you combine this with a cocktail of youth, alcohol and barbecue, you inevitably wind up with our notorious annual riots. Parts of the country just explode in a shower of beer, singlets and thongs. And by thongs, I mean flip-flops, not sexy undergarments. That would be a whole different kind of riot.
"She's got a nice ass, but I don't know that I'd riot over it."
Last year, the day before Australia Day, someone who is familiar with my amazing comedy prowess asked me if I could do something funny for the holiday. Too tired to actually do anything intelligent or original, I yelled into my microphone for two minutes with a broadened accent. After half an hour surfing Google Images, my comedy duty was half-assedly complete. This video was the result:
GLOSSARY FOR OUR NON-AUSTRALIAN READERS:
Poof/poofter: A homosexual or effeminate male.
VB: Victoria Bitter, a widely derided Australian beer. Compare with Milwaukee's Best.
Or don't, ideally. Bleach goes down more smoothly.