Anti-immigrant slogans like "We grew here, you flew here," and the somewhat more direct "f**k off we're full" begin to make the rounds. Understand, it's the minority of people, and Australia does not hold the patent on racism. But when you combine this with a cocktail of youth, alcohol and barbecue, you inevitably wind up with our notorious annual riots. Parts of the country just explode in a shower of beer, singlets and thongs. And by thongs, I mean flip-flops, not sexy undergarments. That would be a whole different kind of riot.
"She's got a nice ass, but I don't know that I'd riot over it."
Last year, the day before Australia Day, someone who is familiar with my amazing comedy prowess asked me if I could do something funny for the holiday. Too tired to actually do anything intelligent or original, I yelled into my microphone for two minutes with a broadened accent. After half an hour surfing Google Images, my comedy duty was half-assedly complete. This video was the result:
GLOSSARY FOR OUR NON-AUSTRALIAN READERS:
Poof/poofter: A homosexual or effeminate male.
VB: Victoria Bitter, a widely derided Australian beer. Compare with Milwaukee's Best.
Or don't, ideally. Bleach goes down more smoothly.