WARNING: This next entry contains disturbing images.
Teratoma tumors are tumors that often contain hair, teeth and bones, and sometimes even eyes, hands or torsos. You may have heard that they're just a bullshit urban legend, but we assure you they are very real, and they look like the aliens from John Carpenter's The Thing.
Yes, those are freaking teeth.
A baby in Colorado Springs, Colo., was born with a microscopic tumor in his brain, causing doctors to take him into surgery even though he was only three days old. There, they removed the growth and found that it contained one fully formed foot, another partial foot and the beginnings of a hand and a thigh, leading us to wonder if a Smurf-sized twin would've burst through his skull like the Kool-Aid man had the tumor been left unattended.
Another infant, born in Korea, had two separate growths, one containing an eye, a trachea, various internal organs and even a goddamn brain. The other had bones, vertebrae, and intestines, and both were covered in a membrane that clearly contained an umbilical cord. Again, it's difficult to get the twin-bursting image out of our minds when a baby is born with 90 percent of another human being attached to it in two separate lumps.
They don't show up just in babies, either. A 25-year-old Japanese woman had to have one removed from her ovary that contained a lump holding a head, one fully formed eye and numerous internal organs.
We know. The word "Japanese" had us expecting a sentient tentacle tumor too.
Why, nature? You just took every beautiful, complex part of life, then stuffed it into a tiny meat sack and put it in our bodies. It's like finding a cosplayer with giant boobs, then crumpling her up into a bloody heap and shoving her in an ice cream cake.
They've even been known to show up on men. Specifically, the testes. So for all our male readers out there, it turns out that on the spectrum of "worst things to find attached to your junk," not even the lady who inhaled a condom tops the list in the category of "things with teeth."
Yeah, suddenly that big fancy doctor salary doesn't seem so impressive.
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