*This is a real place in Ireland and clearly not as much fun as you'd think.
The DVD warns you that they're using a magic super-secret encryption which will totally destroy your computer if you try to copy it, a combination of childish optimism and absolute failure which extends to everything on the disc.
To call this a playground recreation of violence would insult the thousands of children who genuinely hurt themselves. Modern action movies couldn't hope to approach this level of sucking without a nude Jackie Chan fighting a homosexual black hole.
The tagline promises "A classic good versus evil action flick, mixed with kicks, guns, motorcycles and a hot babe!"--a sentence that's just as awesome as it is a complete and shameless lie.
"Good" - The Hero
Our hero, recycling an overstressed posing pouch as a T-shirt
According to the credits, Jimmy Bennett stars, writes, cinematographs, produces, directs, "Fight-Action Choreographs," casts, second unit directs and comes dangerously close to scribbling "by Jimmy Bennett, age 23" in crayon all over the film. From the first kick, it's clear his only hopes of getting into action movies were filming his own, or pretending to be an amputee orphan and applying to Make-A-Wish. Unfortunately for dignity, he chose the former.