This round-up was written at 5:45 PM, Thursday, March 4, 2010. We couldn't have murdered that guy or that girl or that bus load of people. This is proof.

Fortey's first column! Ian Fortey kicked our week off with his first ever column for Next was Bucholz with an article on the next monster franchise to be ruined. Brockway followed up with an R-Rated version of Quantum Leap. Seanbaby popped in with a Busey-fied Science textbook, while Dan O'Brien closed us off with some nerdy video game gibberish. Dweeb.

6 Sci-Fi Technologies You'll Soon Have On Your Cell Phone

The future is tiny and causes severe eye-strain.

Notable Comment:

"Ive had the same phone for 4 years. It sends and recieves texts and calls, and doesnt break when you throw it at things. Yet people still insist on "improving" the design. "

Can you browse for pornography on your four-year-old phone, ZZSputnik? No? We thought not.

17 More Images You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped

Your eyes are filthy liars.

Notable Comment:

"On #1, this is a pet peeve of mine, but as a career soldier and Afghanistan vet I have to say something. These soldiers were not ambushed, they were attacked. An ambush is an attack from a fixed position on a moving or temporarily halted enemy force (i.e., a convoy or patrol) ...and pink underwear is just super-comfy and makes you feel pretty. "

Joe504, thank you for your service. Your frilly, lacy service.

6 Terrible Ideas That Science Says Will Save The Planet

Scientists watch too damn many cartoons, just like the rest of us!

Notable Comment:

"On dropping ice: f**king idiots, not understanding basic physics. The energy spent on making ice cubes would heat the Earth even more, thus melting more ice and creating a need for MOAR ice cubes. Dips**ts"

That's why you use space ice MissVigilant. Dumbass.

6 Historic Acts of Revenge That Put Kill Bill to Shame

Killing a bunch of ninjas seems pretty lame by comparison.

Notable Comment:


ilija7777, we here at Cracked appreciate your feedback. Thanks for responding, and please continue to enjoy the fine content at!

5 Economic Collapses More Ridiculous Than This One

See everyone who lost a job due to the recession? Things have been worse in the past! We bet that helps lighten the sting.

Notable Comment:

"That's not technically genocide. Genocide is the planned extermination of a different ethnic or religious group."

Actually, HundeDesKrieg, the technical definition of genocide is your ugly face.

Cody Johnston
What You'll See On Chatroulette: A Song (About Dicks)
Dicks. Dicks. Dicks. Dicks.

If Restaurants Were Honest
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Subliminal Messages Hidden in Everyday Life

Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.


If only they had a bull shaped grill to cook it on
by carrieoakey

Editor's pick:

And you think it's bad when you park under a pigeon.
by Julius_Goat


"Doe, a deer, a female deer. Ray, a tranny in some pumps..."
by RodneyHardman

Editor's pick:

Cheap hookers and deer as far as the eye could see, but when Larry woke up it had all been a hunter's dream....
by Ron_Nasty


The "I No Longer Care Bear"
by LegitimateJoe

Editor's pick:

He was a bi-polar bear.
by Julius_Goat


He was an out-standing driver.
by GaseousClay

Editor's pick:

"Do you know why I pulled you over? Because I'd like your autograph."
by Fkelleghan


Can you hare me now?
by benrichardsrm

Editor's pick:

Watership Down's Syndrome
by Mothra24


Police discovered this morning the corpse of a large yellow bird. Efforts are being made to identify the apparent suicide victim, but as yet, there have been no leads...
by Kamikaze Phoenix

Editor's pick:

Careful, fellas, that's a load bearing nest.
by KDMurphy


Tim Burton's nursery.
by Jokester

Editor's pick:

Tim Burton's Tim Burton presents Tim Burton.
by Julius_Goat

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