The Worst Offender:

Leprechaun. We're not suggesting that the Leprechaun films are anything but stupid, but shit, when it comes to overkilling a lousy gimmick, Leprechaun leaves everyone else in the dust.

The fifth film, Leprechaun in the Hood is about gangsta rappers rising in the ranks of the music industry while being pursued by a marauding fairy of the Irish peasant tradition. It's perhaps the most bizarre instance of genre-bending in modern cinema. A Tyler Perry movie about Madea battling minotaurs would've made more sense.

Leprechaun Five = Lep in the hood

Leprechaun in the Hood was such a great idea that it got its own sequel, Leprechaun: Back 2 Da Hood. Presumably the correctly spelled title of the original just wasn't black enough.

If studios don't want (or can't afford) an all-out space opera, the least they can do is find a way to incorporate cyberspace into the film. In 2002's Halloween Resurrection, Michael Myers picked off teenagers through the course of a Big Brother-style webcast. A single Internet viewer eventually guides the teens to safety--oddly, the film never explains why he's the only person on the Internet watching the webcast.

The Worst Offender:

Hellraiser. It's the only series with a space episode and an Internet episode, thus proving that a movie studio will try to feed you the same shit sandwich twice.

It only took four movies before they decided to fire Pinhead into space in Hellraiser Bloodline, directed by Alan Smithee. By the way, "Alan Smithee" is a moniker that Hollywood directors use when they're so ashamed by a film that they don't want their name on it.

A few films later, and we got the straight-to-DVD Hellraiser: Hellworld, the dreaded online installment in which teens used their superior websurfing abilities to evade the denizens of Hell. And in a result that surprised absolutely nobody, it spelled the end of the franchise.

In 1994, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre followed suit in its fourth installment, The Next Generation, in which Leatherface and his redneck clan were revealed to be mind-controlled puppets of mysterious men-in-black who were aliens or some Illuminati-esque group. How does a group of chainsaw-wielding cannibals terrorizing hillbilly Texas advance the conquest of mankind? Better question: Why was Leatherface a transvestite in that film?

Thanks to the Bucket Bros. for the screencap.

The inexplicable superpowers gimmick never, ever catches on, as the next installment retcons it exactly 100 percent of the time. The sequel inevitably steamrolls the previous celluloid abortion out of existence, and the studio prays that you don't notice.

The Worst Offender:

Friday the 13th. Most of the time the supernatural card is used as a quick patch-up, whereas the F13 franchise picked up that ball of stupid and ran with it until they hit the sea and waded to Madagascar.

We can forgive the fact that Jason Voorhees was once raised from the grave by a lightning bolt. This was born out of laziness, not complete off-the-wall madness. But when the franchise hit nine movies, some intrepid writers decided it was time to offer at least a perfunctory explanation for his immortality.

So, in 1993's Friday the 13th Part IX: Jason Goes to Hell, it was revealed that Jason was an immortal demon-worm who can leap between bodies, an ability it took him nine films to discover.

Of course, this followed Jason Goes To Manhattan For 10 Minutes And Doesn't Really Do Much Of Anything When He Gets There, so no one cared.

Hollywood has a huge number of unfilmed screenplays lying in the slush pile and no way to market them. Make no mistake, studios want to film your shitty movie... if they have a better than good chance of tripling their investment.

This is why, quite often, you'll see seemingly random stand-alone horror scripts crowbarred in as sequels to an established franchise, the film makers just doing a quick rewrite to cram in the existing characters instead of whoever the original writer had in there.

Hellraiser was particularly bad at this. If you saw the last, uh, half-dozen Hellraiser flicks, you would've noticed that they threw out continuity and began offering up any quasi-supernatural police thriller as a sequel. As long as that weird puzzle box pops up and Pinhead drops by for 15 minutes to yammer something evil, then it's a Hellraiser movie, goddammit.

Up until 30 seconds ago, you were watching a romantic comedy starring Greg Kinnear.

One of the most notorious examples of this bait-and-switch was Friday the 13th, which continued well past the fourth film, 1984's misnomered The Final Chapter. Jason Voorhees was killed by a machete through the brain, and seeing that he was just a terrifically durable human being at this point, it'd be impossible to bring him back.

Money, however, speaks louder than story, and soon the studio barfed out a fifth movie about some yutz who simply dressed up as Jason. Fans were understandably apoplectic.

Also, the Internet Gods would never forgive us if we didn't give the obligatory nod to the infamous Troll 2, which was so unrelated to the original Troll that the film's characters never say the word "troll" once.

The Worst Offender:

Halloween. While most franchises will try to somehow tenuously connect their cheat-sequels to the established mythology with familiar themes and namedropping, the producers of Halloween made the baffling decision to make a sequel that wasn't even the same kind of movie.

1982's Halloween 3 wasn't about the ne'er-do-well escapades of Michael Myers, but rather booby-trapped Halloween masks that are magically powered by Stonehenge. Also, there are robots.

Did we mention the masks turn children's heads into spiders and snakes?

There was a little method to this madness. Halloween creator John Carpenter never wanted the franchise to continue past the second movie, and the studio wanted to create an anthology horror series like Creepshow. But when Halloween 3 bombed hard, the studio told Carpenter to take a walk--there would only be another sequel if it was absolutely identical to the first two Halloween films. Nowadays, this is known as "The Saw Method."

But the fact that a lot of people think that Killer Axe Man 17 is getting kind of stupid doesn't actually change if the film's writers point out that they know it's stupid. This acknowledgment just makes everything stupider. Nevertheless, it happens almost every time; somebody pens a sequel that replaces horror with cute, self-referential jokes.

Freddy Krueger was fairly notorious for the subtle escalation of his clowning as the Nightmare on Elm Street series went on, so much so that people forget that the original film was pretty freaking scary. But the problem was never so explicit as in 1991's A Nightmare on Elm Street 6: Freddy's Dead, which attempted to be a straight-up laugh riot and featured bizarre cameo appearances by Johnny Depp, Roseanne and Tom Arnold. It's impossible to take the primal fear of the original Nightmare seriously when Freddy kills a kid by sucking him into a video game.

The sixth Friday the 13th took a similar route, alternating badly between rampant violence and awkward slapstick. The title sequence emulates Jason doing the gun-barrel walk-on bit from James Bond. The next thing you know, Jason's killing people whose faces make bloody smiley imprints on hard surfaces.

The Worst Offender:

Child's Play. It's true that a story about a serial-killing doll is hard to pass off as a genuinely spine-chilling tale. But, there's a fine line here between a "so over the top that it's kind of awesome" B-horror movie, and something like 1998's Bride of Chucky and 2004's Seed of Chucky, which are so ridiculously self-aware that they're bashing you over the head with the kind of "LAUGH, DAMMIT!!!" desperation you usually only see in really bad comedies.

We don't have anything against dick jokes per se--they put bread on the table here at Cracked--but Bride of Chucky took the dick joke to horrifying new levels. The writers make constant references to Chucky's "wood" ("I thought you were made of plastic!") and as for the doll-fucking scenes, we'll let you research those on your own time.

Yes, that is a baster full of puppet semen.