Frog #1: Vam...
Frog #2: Pie...
Frog #3: Errr...
Frog #1: Vam-
Frog #2: Pie-
Frog #3: Errr...
An aluminum can pops up from beneath the water with the words "Vampire Beer" on it. The figure holding it emerges and it is Chris Tucker with fangs.
Chris Tucker With Fangs: Drink Vampire Beer, boyyeeeee!!!
The screen goes to black as a faux-movie trailer voice narrates title cards as they appear.
"THIS SUMMER... "
We see Kal Penn as a werewolf fighting with Carmen Electra as Busty the Vampire Slayer.
"COMES A FILM... "
We see Kal Penn's werewolf and Busty the Vampire Slayer fighting again. Busty farts. The Kal Penn werewolf makes a grossed-out, goofy face as in "eeewwww, no she di-in't!"
"SO HAIR-RAISING... "
Anna Faris as The Chick From Twilight: You feel cold...
Topher Grace-looking m**********r as The Dude From Twilight: Like an ice cold Pepsi?
Anna Faris as The Chick From Twilight: Absolutely like an ice cold Pepsi...
"SO BLOOD-SUCKING... "
We see Leslie Neilson in Heath Ledger's Joker makeup.
Leslie Nielson as Heath Ledger's Joker For Some Reason: This city deserves a better class of vampire... And I'm gonna give it to 'em... Now let's suck some blood from that FACE!
"IT ABSOLUTELY DOESN'T... "
Topher Grace-looking m**********r as The Dude From Twilight: I'm a vampire.
Some Random Character: Waaaaaall-eeeeee...
We see a bunch of fast clips from the "movie." Most of them are just scenes from Watchmen for some reason. There are a lot more farts and there's one part that "parodies" the Mac commercials where a character is all "Hi, I'm a vampire," and the other character is all "And I'm a werewolf."
"CARMEN ELECTRA... "
"KAL PENN... "
"JENNIFER COOLIDGE... "
"A BUNCH OF FUNNY MINOR CELEBRITIES WHO SADLY MAKE YOU WANT TO SHOOT THOSE FUNNY MINOR CELEBRITIES IN THE FACE FOR NEEDING PAYCHECKS SO BADLY THAT THEY GIVE AN INCREDIBLY PISS-POOR PERFORMANCE IN AN INCREDIBLY PISS-POOR EXCUSE FOR A COMEDY FILM... "
"AND HALF THE CAST OF ANY SEASON OF MADtv... "
"VAMPIRE MOVIE... "
"COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR... BOO!"
The screen fades to black and then the voice suddenly comes back.
"ALSO STARRING BILLY DEE WAYANS AS VAMPIRE LE GAT."
Want to be Internet famous? Cracked can help! Just go here and sign up. No experience necessary.
For more funny from Cody, check out Deconstructing YouTube: One Man's Attempt To Go Viral and A Helpful Tutorial on The Most Difficult Video Game Ever.
Or, visit the Cracked.com Top Picks to help fund his Vampire Movie.
And don't forget to follow us on Twitter to get previews of upcoming articles and trick your friends into thinking you're psychic.