"The catapults and related projects described in this book have been designed with your safety foremost in mind. However, as you try them out, there is still a possibility that something unexpected may occur ... [A] few of the projects result in powerful siege engines with projectiles that can move pretty fast."
What the author really should say here is: "...there is a possibility that the expected may occur. That is to say, as you advance down your street pulling your Macedonian catapult behind you, you will likely be shot or captured by the police before you can load it with your first boulder or infected cow. So, why don't you just stick to reading a book about catapults instead of buying a book that teaches you how to build them."
Really, the best case scenario is that this thing malfunctions and only injures you. That's quite an accomplishment for a do-it-yourself guide.
Sure, there are guides out there for things like D.I.Y. hot air balloons, which have a high potential for hilarity but in the hands of a competent builder, could still turn out perfectly harmless and even cool. But here, if everything goes perfectly, it still ends with a huge f*****g projectile whistling through the air. You can load this thing with food and fire it toward an orphanage and you're still probably going to wind up shot by a police sniper.
Under the Gun: Gun Disarming Tactics for the Street
We've all been there: You and your loved ones are walking at an oblique angle towards a brick wall when a man in a ski mask and roller skating wrist guards points a gun in your face. He's cocking it to the side like they do in rap videos, so you know he means business. What do you do?
Well, if you prefer gun-disarmings to be relatively nonsense free, you've already purchased and learned the lessons from Under The Gun, an instructional DVD so good that its title works just as well for a Steven Seagal movie.
Why It Will End Badly:
The DVD description repeatedly and emphatically points out that in a confrontation with an armed man, "compliance can get you killed!" Yes, it's far more dangerous to give the mugger the five bucks in your wallet, rather than do the sensible thing and try to lunge at him and wrestle the gun out of his hands.
The product description uses more exclamation points than most of the emails in your spam filter to let you know that "You can defeat the gunman!" while promising to give you "the attitude necessary to defeat a gunman who is about to blow you away!"
"Don't worry!! Your attitude will save you!!!"
Of course, copping a 'tude and refusing to hand over the cash is only half the battle. You'll also need to learn "the twelve possible assault positions of a gun." Twelve? Wait, is this f*****g Gunkata?
We'll let you know when our copy arrives.
For more things that won't end well, check out 7 Items You Won't Believe Are Actually Legal and 7 Hacks That Turn Everyday Objects into Deadly Weapons.
And for things that will end well (read: Boobs) check out our Top Picks.