Roses are the symbol of romance, seduction and bartering for sexual favors. It turns out they also are a source of Sporothrix Schenckii, a fungus that can kill you. If it enters through small cuts and abrasions, like the ones conveniently provided by the rose's thorns, it causes bumps and lesions at the point of entry, and along all the lymph nodes it crosses paths with. Left untreated, the lesions become larger and look similar to a boil, and eventually become chronic, weeping ulcers. The only thing sexier than a bouquet of roses is one handed over by a guy who has sores leaking all over the place.
If leaking thorn holes aren't your thing, the spores can be inhaled, which leads to symptoms like coughing, holes in the lungs and potentially tuberculosis because if a rose has to take you down, it's manly to go out spitting up blood and lung chunk.
Left untreated the infection can spread to joints and bones as well as the central nervous system and the brain. If this happens you can add weight loss, anorexia and bony lesions to the list of symptoms. Next time your girl asks for roses, show her this article.
Miner's Anemia (Ankylostomiasis)
You probably already suspected that coal mining sucked as a job. A miner's job is short on sunlight and long on breathing in dust and crawling through cramped, wet spaces with thousands of tons of earth and rock waiting to cave in on you at any minute. But here's another nice little fringe benefit: Miner's Anemia.
It's caused by massive infestations of hookworms, infestations so large they actually end up consuming most of your red blood cells. It leaves your body depleted and anemic while the parasites gorge like tourists at a 99 cent colon buffet in Vegas.
So why has this happened to miners? Well, mines are big, dark and damp, and toilets hard to come by. Since diarrhea is another symptom, workers would often have to stop and drop one in the massive networks of tunnels where their unfortunate coworkers were likely to stumble through it shortly thereafter.
Poor lighting and worn-out shoes provided the hookworm larvae a chance to transfer to a new host, burrowing into the skin of the miner's feet and tunneling through to the miner's intestinal tract where they'd latch on and feast until they got shat out for the next miner to pick up, completing the shit-worm circle of life.
And just in case you were aspiring to go into a different profession than those listed, be sure to check out 6 Dream Jobs That Would Actually Suck and 5 Jobs You Wanted as a Kid (And Why They Suck).
And check out our Top Picks for the work-specific illness the employees at Cracked like to call "Boobitis."