As anyone who has read Anne Rice can attest, the world of the vampire is a melodramatic, fancy boy orgy of ennui, lazy sex and disinterest all accented by ridiculous clothing and long winded soliloquies. Who among us wouldn't want that to be real?
In fact, a good number of misguided souls want that for themselves and, on a day to day basis, live out their lives as vampires. While we may not be legally able to dole out psychological diagnoses in online comedy articles, we can take a shot in the dark and guess that these people may have never been hugged as children, or possibly hugged too often. We don't know what exactly, but something has to ring your bell pretty hard to make you think you're a vampire.
"I crave human blood and my parents' respect!"
It's arguable whether or not some of the people who claim to be vampires actually suffer from Renfield's syndrome, a mental disorder of dubious veracity characterized by the desire to drink blood. The fact that very few cases have ever been recognized that aren't associated with some other disorder (like being a complete nutter) makes it a hard label to stick to someone.
Sanguinarius.org, your vampire forum to end all vampire forums is designed specifically for real vampires only. None of you losers who only pretend to be vampires; you have to be a real blood drinker, or at least a psychic vampire. No really, it says that right on the site.
And just look at this logo. Vampires aren't the only things around here that suck, are we right?
Some of the folks on the site claim to be "energy vampires" and say they can feed off of crowds. Not because they're evil of course but because they, like any vampire, have a deficiency. And so, rather than getting a vitamin B shot, they choose to act like high school art students well into their 40s. After all, needles are actually scary.
Some people want to eschew the pomp and pageantry of fancy monsters like vampires and just go for something basic and primal, like the wolf man. After all, werewolves get to run around naked and eat live prey, something you simply can't do as just a random Wal-Mart cashier without getting written up and demoted to working in the pet section.
In Allentown, Pennsylvania, a 19 year-old man who apparently really dug Underworld had convinced himself and the 16 year old girl who had sex with him that he was a werewolf (and also part vampire). For proof, he demonstrated his canine teeth to police officers who then pointed out that canine teeth don't necessarily make him a creature of the night, and even if everyone else on the planet didn't have teeth like his, he still wouldn't be a werewolf, because they are fictional. He did show all the common signs of being an asshole, though, so there's that.