Lee Mercer Jr. - 2008 Candidate for the Democratic Nomination
Why is America the greatest country in the world? Because a Lee Mercer Jr. can legally run for president.
After reading through his website, the thing that surprised us the most was that someone actually got Lee Mercer Jr. to take a long enough break from being absolutely out-of-his-gourd insane to stop and pose for that picture at the top. Not wanting to dilute Mercer's message, we shall now present him in his own words (misspelling his, emphasis ours).
From his biography:
"Since my high school graduation in 1969, I developed myself to my own academic interest to be a Collegiate Professional."
"On August 22, 1992, The State of Texas installed an intelligence hotwire in me at the United States Army Military Intelligence Academy Camp Bullis San Antonio, Texas."
"As a part of my continuing eduaction, I am making my presidential campaign part of my ROTC Intelligence Academics to record the learnings, doings, and examples of the United States Government as a government consultant, community developer, and financial planner appointed by the United States Federal Congress to record my biography in the United States Government Presidential Election for 2008 from Electronic Surveillance to develop records on the United States Government Presidential Campaign because I am on an academic intelligence hotwire that can not be unhooked by anyone."
"I have a doctor degree Phd. as a doctor of laws, medicine ( not practitioner of medicine, i.e. physicians, surgeons), theology, management, engineering and other subjects that are guaranteed by the United States Army in ROTC to be presented to me in a court of Law only."
On Why He's Running For President:
"1. The United States Federal Congress has encouraged me to want to become President of the United States so that I can do what the President of the United States of America is supposed to do and complete the federal and military government biography and autobiography in development in Eye Spy Community-Military Intelligence (All Three) Business and Commerce Intelligence Education across the board National and International.
3. To prove that you need to pay the American Citizens before I die.
9. To prove that every person in the United States and world is hooked up on an Eye Spy Community-Military Intelligence (All Three) Electronic surveillance hot-wires approved by the United States Congress for the U.S. Government Electronic Surveillance of every citizen in America for government intelligence circumstances will equal to the United States Government's Technocracy.
10. To prove the United States of America has two Governments and they are Government #1 and Government #2 and I own Government # 1..."
"My platform for President of the United States Of America is Criminal Law. It is developed from my Method of Education. I was ordered to create and or invent by the United States Army that is now intact regulating the United States Government protecting it through Military Intelligence Computerization Management a new Disipline I invented and the Administration of Criminal Law Laws across the board."
It is not Cracked.com's policy to endorse a presidential candidate. That said, it's clearly time to change that policy.
When not busy fiddling with his Eye Spy electronic hotwire, Adam runs ScenicAnemia.com.
Glad that none of them will become president? Then check out the guys that did get elected and still did insane shit in 6 Great US Presidents and Their Crimes Against Humanity. Or find out how some of those same presidents were total badasses in The 5 Most Badass Presidents of All-Time.