5 Cheap Tricks TV Shows Use To Keep You Watching

5

Cliffhanger Cop-Outs

Major Offenders: 24, Alias, Nip/Tuck, Star Trek: TNG, many others.

This is when a show teases us with a cliffhanger, followed by an episode that returns everything to normal within minutes.

So, in 24 Jack Bauer winds up in a Chinese prison at the season finale. How will he possibly get out of this one? Oh, wait, he just walks off a plane in the next season opener, back in the good ol' USA and with a kick-ass beard for his trouble.

In one season finale of Star Trek: TNG, Commander Riker has to make the terrible decision to destroy the bad guys' ship with a captured Captain Picard still on board, ending the season with his pivotal decision to "Fire." We wait for the next season and, wouldn't you know, the weapon has no affect. Nevermind!

We can thank the 80s drama Dallas for starting this. They cashed in with the biggest cliffhanger of all time, when villain J.R. Ewing got shot in a March 1980 episode. After a long summer break (when "Who Shot J.R." became an international catchphrase) it was revealed that J.R. was alive, his would-be assassin was let go without any criminal charges, and the whole thing was barely spoken of again.

Dallas, determined to top this retarded publicity stunt, years later opened a season by declaring everything that happened in the season before it was a dream.

"Surprise!"

Why it Works:

Production schedules force most shows off the air for months, up to a year in some cases. The problem has always been that fans can wander off during the down time, so cliffhangers keep people talking through the dry months (in the case of "Who shot J.R.," the next episode got a then-record 83 million people to watch).

And, once the show comes back, who cares that we bailed out of the cliffhanger with an unsatisfying resolution? You should just be glad the show is back at all, you ungrateful fuckers!

Why it Shouldn't:

It's in these cop-outs that a cliffhanger is revealed to be purely a marketing gimmick, having no actual impact on the storyline. These cop-outs let the writers off too easy, since they get to put the character through some kind of life-changing trauma, then just have them get over it (Jack Bauer recovers from his lengthy Chinese imprisonment just a few hours into the new "day.")

Where's the crippling depression that leads to alcoholism, or the post traumatic stress and years of counseling? They turn our surviving heroes into heartless bastards who don't care about anyone or anything for longer than a 2-hour season premiere.

4

Couples That Constantly Break Up and Reunite

Major Offenders: The Office, Friends, Sex and the City, Scrubs, countless Soap Operas.

After months or years of increasing sexual tension, two leads finally admit that they love each other and want to be together. This usually occurs with a passionate kiss and a high pitched "Whoooo" from the studio audience. We at home get to believe that we, too, will one day find true love with the one hot girl in our circle of friends.

3

Keeping the Villains Around on Reality Shows

Major Offenders: The Apprentice, Hell's Kitchen, Rock of Love, any reality show with a "boss."

Reality shows are always accused of being rigged. Who knows if American Idol is intentionally losing some votes along the way, right? Or if the judges' comments are meant to sway vote totals rather than give feedback?

2

Characters Returning from the Dead

Major Offenders: Battlestar Galactica, X-Files, Star Trek: Voyager, Nip/Tuck, Six Feet Under.

Science fiction shows are especially bad about creating a world where no one is ever permanently dead. Cloning, alien abduction and interference by a higher life form are just a few of the ways that shows can bring a deceased character back to life. And then there's the human-looking Cylons on Battlestar Galactica, an entire species that can be shoved out an airlock on a daily basis only to come back once again with perfect hair and slinky dresses.

Why it Works:

Note that this technique often overlaps with the Cliffhanger Cop-Out. Six Feet Under ended Season Two with main character Nate boarding a bus to the afterlife, only to get a poorly-explained resurrection in the Season Three premier. In Nip/Tuck, Dr. Christian Troy is apparently slain by a serial killer in a season finale, gets a funeral the next season, only to have the funeral turn out to be a dream and the serial killer attack having left only a minor cut on his face (you had to be there).

Just as with the Cliffhanger Cop-Outs, this lets the writers have it both ways. They get their dramatic death scene one week, without having to deprive the show of a favorite (that is, ratings-boosting) character. Besides, did we really think Buffy would stay dead all of those times she got killed? Her name is the title of the show.

Why it Shouldn't:

You can see the problem on shows that abuse it, particularly sci-fi or fantasy shows where audiences have gotten used to the idea that anyone can come back (we imagine that very few people actually believed that Kara Thrace died when her ship exploded in a wormhole on Battlestar Galactica).

1

Misleading Editing on the "Next Week On..." Teaser

Major Offenders: Almost every single drama or reality show on television.

These come up mostly on shows that hit a dramatic dry spell during the season, when it's up to the promotional "teaser" clips at the end of the episode to promise big things anyway. For instance, look at the last two seasons of The Sopranos.

Once upon a time when Tony Soprano said "We've got to deal with this guy" it meant "The guy" was soon going to be thrown into the ocean with a dozen new holes in his body. What we got in those last two seasons, however, were previews for next week showing Tony saying something like, "We have to deal with Paulie", along with a scene of some dude on a dark street getting shot in the head.

Then the new episode arrived and, no, nothing happens to Paulie. Tony's "dealing" with him winds up being a harsh word while they're eating at a buffet. The dude who got shot turns out to be some nobody we had never seen before.

This is happening more and more with other shows, as the guys in charge of editing the preview for the next week carefully construct an outright lie about what the episode will be about. They'll dub in dialog where it doesn't belong, they'll use misleading edits to make it appear a main character is in danger. Lost took it to a whole new, silly level when the announcer just started lying to our face ("Next week, the entire secret of the island will be revealed!")