Stephen Colbert Accuses His Bosses at Paramount of Paying ‘Big Fat Bribe’

A not-quite-there-yet mustache wasn’t the only new development during Stephen Colbert’s summer vacation from The Late Show. He returned to the job this week to learn that his bosses at Paramount Global paid Donald Trump $16 million to settle a dispute over a controversial 60 Minutes interview. 

Colbert didn’t hide his dismay behind a lot of punchlines. “As someone who has always been a proud employee of this network, I am offended,” he stated. “And I don’t know if anything will ever repair my trust in this company.”

Okay, there were punchlines, too. For instance: “I don’t know if anything will ever repair my trust in this company, but just taking a stab at it, I’d say $16 million would help.”

Colbert claims that his employers could have defended themselves against a lawsuit filed against 60 Minutes for allegedly editing an interview with Kamala Harris in a deceptive manner. “Paramount knows they could have easily fought it because in their own words, the lawsuit was completely without merit,” he said. “And keep in mind, Paramount produced Transformers: Rise of the Beast. They know ‘completely without merits.’”

At least Paramount didn’t apologize, Colbert said, like ABC and Twitter did when settling similar disputes. “Instead, the corporation released a statement where they said, ‘You may take our money, but you will never take our dignity. You may, however, purchase our dignity for the low, low price of $16 million. We need the cash.”

The Late Show host informed his audience that this manner of complicated financial settlement with a sitting government official has a technical name in legal circles: “It's a big fat bribe.”

What’s in it for Paramount? It’s trying to get the government to approve a massive sale of the company — a deal that’s mysteriously been on hold while a settlement was being negotiated. With a sale valued at $8 billion, the owners at Paramount apparently believe a $16 million kickback is worth getting roasted on its own network.

Colbert isn’t the only one doing the roasting. Another Paramount employee, Jon Stewart, also bashed the deal on The Daily Show, describing it as “shameful.” Former 60 Minutes correspondent Steve Kroft agreed that the settlement was “devastating.”

Both comics are playing with fire. Colbert alluded to rumors that once Skydance takes the reins, it might try to appease the President by putting pressure on the left-leaning comedy of Stewart and “frequent Trump critic Stephen Colbert.”  

The latter comedian doesn’t seem too worried. “How are they going to put pressure on Stephen Colbert,” he said, pointing to the new salt-and-pepper cookie pusher atop his lip, “if they can’t find him?”