As KISS once pointed out, firearms are like genitals -- they're deserving of respect, but disastrous when nonchalantly flaunted in public. It's basic common sense to be on alert when handling a gun, which is why -- for the sake of evolution -- we can only hope the following people use their genitals way less casually than they use their firearms.
#4. State Representative Who Fired Gun in Capitol Building: "It Happens"
While most annoying office employees are satisfied with tuna sandwiches and/or "discreet" on-the-clock phone sex, Kentucky State Representative Leslie Combs took it to the next level when she accidentally fired off a shot right in front of a colleague while unloading her gun in the state's Capitol annex office.
"Oh, what a crazy accident ... Say, are you still voting against that bill I proposed?"
Needless to say, a bullet ricocheting into a bookcase in a place that creates laws made a few waves. Police have now looked into the incident, which Combs has since shrugged off, saying that, as a gun owner, "It happens." Apparently, if you don't make a grown politician poop at least a little in their pants, then you're clearly not owning your gun hard enough.
#3. People Keep Firing Guns in Businesses Before Politely Paying and Leaving
It's hard to think of the proper etiquette when a bullet accidentally explodes from your trousers in a crowded business. Still, we're almost certain that if there's a rulebook concerning this issue, it doesn't advise you to quietly pay for your shit and go. That lesson didn't come right away for a Georgia man who, while out dining, paid his bill and left -- but only after leaving a newly discharged bullet as a tip. It turns out that while going for his wallet, he also shot off an unholstered .45 in his pants, a fact he apparently didn't realize he should stick around to explain until he was halfway home. But hey, at least he turned around eventually, right?
Aneese/iStock/Getty Images, Karen Mower/iStock/Getty Images
"I realized I forgot to give a round to the valet and didn't want to be rude."
Police had to go find another man who similarly shot off a pants-hidden .45 while shopping at a Walmart before politely waiting in line, paying for his items, and leaving, like there wasn't a smoking hole in the canned bean aisle. We're not sure what's weirder: firing off a shot while contemplating chili, or the fact that no one in the store seemed to notice enough to stop the flow of commerce.
#2. A Security Guard Didn't Even Realize He Shot a Woman Until Hearing About It on the News
If there's one absolute about guns, it's that people tend to realize when one has been discharged, especially when they are the ones discharging them. Similarly, those on the discharging end of said gun also tend to speak up. This years-long system of checks and balances has gone fairly unchallenged, at least until this happened:
It's the idiot's version of the Zapruder film.
We'll save you the trouble of staring at your screen: Nothing in those pictures is visually significant -- that is, unless you count the fact that a gun is going off.
It's the security footage from a Philadelphia subway camera capturing the moment when a guard, while rifling through his bag, accidentally sent a bullet flying at the nearby woman, grazing her cheek. Apparently neutral to the whole situation, neither party reacts past a flinch before the guard just ... sort of bounces, only later turning himself in when his friend told him he was on the news. As for the woman, she apparently holds no ill will and claims she's just happy to be alive (and, we're guessing, no longer sitting in a Philadelphia subway station, which is apparently as painful as a bullet).
#1. New York's Director of Homeland Security Used His Handgun as a Freaking Laser Pointer
America has gotten the unsavory reputation as the trigger-happy gun nut of the developed world, which is a pretty hard point to argue when New York Director of Homeland Security Jerome Hauer, upon making a presentation to a foreign delegation, decided to display American ingenuity by using his gun's laser sight as a motherfucking pointer.
He's a man who's gone through his entire speaking career with a blatant misunderstanding of the term "bullet points."
Yes. You are picturing that correctly. According to numerous eyewitnesses, the seemingly sane (up until that point) official not only took out a gun during a presentation, but also swung it in a way as to make three Swedish delegation members flinch as a laser sight tracked across one of their heads while he busied himself with finding a map of New York. U-S-A! U-S-A!