I work for the Internet which, among other things, means that it’s expected of me to be on the cutting edge of all things technological. So, to fulfill my role as a hip, tech-savvy arbiter of taste, I decided to sign up for the newest social networking piece-of-shit, Twitter, as a way of saying “Look at me, I’m slowly stumbling my way into technological relevancy about two months after your parents.”
Well, Twitter isn’t all sunshine and fellatio (in fact, there’s almost none at all), and can actually be quite dangerous…
Twitter Has a Character Limit
Before getting into why this is dangerous, I just want to say right off the bat that I don’t even understand why they’d want a word limit. What, Twitter is supposed to be about connecting people but not too much? We should use Twitter to break news stories, but not if the information extends beyond a certain number of words? What if this trend continued and the next hot new version of Twitter had even less words? Would all of the breaking news stories read “Politician dead- plne crash, possible fire located in usa” ? It seems like they just arbitrarily cut it off at a certain point for the sole purpose of saying “See? We’re totally different from email and instant messaging. We’re several characters less useful.”
Anyway, retarded and poorly-conceived decisions aside, the word limit is potentially dangerous.
So, Twitter has character cap (140) and they’re pretty strict about it. When I got back from the office last night, what I WANTED to say was this:
“I know it’s weird because it’s been out of theaters for a while, but I’ve got nothing better to do, so I’m sitting around watching that Liv Tyler movie, The Strangers, because I haven’t seen it, and I’m eating popcorn, because I’m hungry.”
However, because of Twitter’s, in my opinion, needlessly strict letter limit, I couldn’t articulate all of my thoughts as eloquently as I’d wanted to, so I was forced to abbreviate. I love my sentences, like a parent loves its children, but I knew some of it needed to be destroyed, like a parent who loves their children but who also maybe has too many and knows that drowning one would save the whole family. Every bit of my original post was important to me; the movie I was watching, the fact that I was hungry, my boredom, etc., and I felt that my Twitsciples would want to know exactly what I was doing, down to the last detail. So, I cut as much of my post as I could while still preserving all of the original points. The result, was this:
Now, I thought that was fairly clear and I figured I would just carry on my merry way. I’d keep Twitter updated with my thoughts on the movie as they came to me, live logging, essentially, my experience while viewing The Strangers. Now, I didn’t consider it at the time, but without realizing that I was watching The Strangers, the readers may misunderstand some of my remarks because, when taken out of context, perhaps they’re a bit strange, especially if you think I’m talking about strangers in general, and not the movie.
(In retrospect, that one’s creepy just on its own merits.)
Long story short, founder of Twitter, Jack Dorsey, wrote me a harshly-worded email about how he “won’t allow his brilliant site, the future of journalism, the next stage in social networking, to be a vessel for the fetishisation of murder.” He went on and on about his sharp legal team and liberally threw around the word “sociopath” a few times and told me that, if it happened again, there would be real consequences. When he asked if he’d made himself totally clear, I told him that I wouldn’t be able to understand him unless he restructured his email to 140 characters.
Then I spent the night in jail.
Everyone Can See It
Who the fuck can tell the difference between instant messages, emails and text messages anymore??
(Also, the newest posts are on top, so you have to start from the bottom and work up, which is also kinda stupid.)
This entry was posted on Friday, March 13th, 2009 at 3:00 am and is filed under Twitter. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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August 12th, 2009 at 5:10 am
Twitter tools…
According to a recent report , Twitter is getting the equivalent of 48 million worth of free PR per month, counting the value of mentions in TV, newspapers and magazines. The same survey says that Twitter gets even more media coverage than Google. Not …
August 4th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
[...] piece of Twitter humor on Cracked.com, based around the character limit and how everyone can see your updates. It’s ideal for [...]
July 8th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
Your tweets are entertaining as fuck. I would DEFINITELY follow you if I actually used Twitter, which I don’t, because it’s completely pointless.
May 30th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
i just finished washing the the twitter egg off my face. It’s not the perfect human voice and can cause bad behavior from even generally speaking nice people like me. For the sloppy details of yolk in my hair see http://www.oddpodz.com/blog/948.html
K
May 29th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
If you are tired of facebook or twitter but want a way to connect with artists and musicians then you should check out http://www.putiton.com
If you are tired of facebook or twitter but still want to connect with your friends then pick up the phone…
May 26th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Ha!
You would think that they world have OK’d it at the beginning instead of allowing it to go so long without saying a thing and then bringing it back up when it was too late. I don’t understand it at all. Quit Smoking
May 4th, 2009 at 12:09 am
[...] Twitter can be generally dangerous claims Cracked.com as you might not be able to say what you really want due to the 140 character limit for your Tweets. [...]
April 20th, 2009 at 5:20 am
These are my 20 reasons why Twitter will fail.
http://www.flexewebs.com/semantix/levels/visionary/20-reasons-why-twitter-will-fail/
The points made in this article add value to the article I have written.
April 19th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
I agree, there are people that want to use it only as headlines which is totally ridiculous. You can not express yourself when you are limited. It is so easy to be misunderstood.
Also, that is the main problem in today’s communication, everything is short and sweet, so nobody knows the detail and because of that the shit is hitting the fan more often than ever. The economic crisis for some people is due to not understanding the new mechanisms used in banking and in the way the shares are handled by Wall Street. Bullshit, the true reason is because people just want to see the headlines, making them more ignorant than they already are. So 140 characters adds more shit to this trend. They should make it unlimited. But do not invite Fidel Castro to Twitter, he’d use up all the disk space.
April 17th, 2009 at 10:29 am
chihuahua-faced-bitch lol. priceless.
Twitter is B.S. maybe im paranoid…but for a “free country” americans (i.e. creator of twitter) sure want to limit what you say both in depth/content and in length . And after a while wouldnt society just learn to deal with it like we do everything else. and at some point in the future well all be speaking “text” language…stating letters instead of words. Thereby cutting our thought process in half. It really looks like the internet is becoming a tool to ‘dumb us all down a notch’.
April 17th, 2009 at 7:17 am
Because Seattle doesn’t do ‘odd’ we do ‘quirky’, which is odd with an emo haircut and a latte and all the individuality sucked out of it.
April 13th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
You are odd and that is awesome.
Why don’t you exist in Seattle?
-Emily
March 26th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
the insult “chihuahua-faced-bitch” does not get used quite often enough in this society…
and if i had a penis, i also would have gotten a boner during that movie
but then again, i am fairly creepy myself(:
March 21st, 2009 at 12:46 am
I’m not one to pimp myself on comments boards, but allow me to solve all your problems.
http://orneryworld.blogspot.com/2009/03/twitter-for-power-users-three-steps-to.html
March 20th, 2009 at 10:05 am
[...] silly weekend stuff Another daft one: Why Twitter can be dangerous. [...]
March 19th, 2009 at 9:52 am
I know it’s reading a bit too deeply into it, but the limit on characters and how you had to change that post to fit (which incidentally altered the meaning of the words) reminded me of Orwell’s 1984 and how they have Newspeak and Oldspeak, and the Newspeak is just a total destruction of language, where the goal is to tear it apart and eventually only have the most basic words left - and so in turn the people lose the ability to express themselves, and the government just gets to have a free for all and mind rape everyone
so, I have now found 1 more reason to be against Twitter because 1984 scares the pants off me, and telling me I can’t use complete sentences and need to fit everything into 140 characters is down right totalitarian, damnitt. I think now I’m going to talk myself into believing Twitter is some sort of government based project aimed at making us all unintelligent drones…. (ok, well maybe I won’t go that far, but still!)
March 18th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Today, during physics, we were talking about capacitors. Taking a page from the great Dan O’ Brien’s book, I yelled, “capacitor? I BARELY KNOW HER!!!”
No one laughed… thanks, DOB.
March 18th, 2009 at 2:22 am
Goddammint Gladstone, now you got me following Fiendish’s blog.
March 17th, 2009 at 9:25 am
Haha, here’s another reason why Twitter is dangerous:
http://valleywag.gawker.com/5168039/dude-turns-to-twitter-as-guy-breaks-in-his-house
March 16th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Actually, DOB is married to me. So back off!
March 16th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Gladstone, because I love you, I will let you know that I turned eighteen recently. Very recently, granted, but eighteen nonetheless.
Speaking of which…
Wait, you’re totally married. DOB’s still good though, right?
March 16th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Beware of photos, DOB.
Fiendish is underage. (Don’t ask me how I know that.)
March 16th, 2009 at 10:57 am
I joined Facebook for Gladstone, now I have to join Twitter for you?
March 16th, 2009 at 8:03 am
this article made me laugh.
March 16th, 2009 at 1:41 am
this article was ultimately dumb and a waste of my time. Someone should feel guilty
March 15th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
[...] Why Twitter can be Dangerous [...]
March 15th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
Hey, about that comments in the wrong order thing? Yeah, that’s incredibly annoying. Whoever’s in charge of the comments on Cracked articles, please fix that.
March 15th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
DAMMIT: TWITTER USERS ARE CALLED “TWITS” NOT “TWEETERS”.
TWITS
TWITS
TWITS
That is what they are called for obvious reasons. Get it right.
March 15th, 2009 at 11:12 am
I believe your mistake was less in using Twitter and more in watching that Liv Tyler Movie, The Strangers.
March 15th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Dude, that was awesome.
March 15th, 2009 at 10:11 am
12 pack, thanks =)
March 15th, 2009 at 3:17 am
“I also hope to have a dime again later, but I am sleepy.”
I cannot adequately express my love for DOB in less than 140 characters, so: to what address should I send the barely-clothed pictures?
March 15th, 2009 at 12:10 am
I like the comment on your twitter page about Braveheart. You do realize that Wallace was drawn and quartered, and castrated.
and then he died.
Yes, I know, in the movie his last word was “Freedom!”
In reality it was probably more like, “Oh God this hurts aaaauugghhh!”
and then he died.
March 14th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Lolled till my lower lip got swollen and bleedy! XD
March 14th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
I laughed hard. Is there a word that means ‘harder than hard’? I laughed bricks.
March 14th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
I found a great site “”"”" Seekamillionaire . c om………… “”"”"” It ’s where you have the opportunity dreaming about dating a millionaire and make it true!
I thought everyone needed to meet some miracle after all the terrible stuff in the news and the economy
March 14th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
to zuh?: you r so fuckin right man. i actually hate that from facebook. i dont care if u r “masturbating for the 3rd time” or “just woke up”
March 14th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
**Couldn’t**
March 14th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Excellent post, I coulnd’t stop laughing for about an hour after I read it.
March 14th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
I’m sorry DOB, I didn’t mean that sellout business. Mainly because it didn’t really make sense. Please don’t seek retribution.
March 14th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Fantastic. Loved the article after finally getting around to reading it. But tell me, DOB, what on earth are you doing with Spider-Man background on your twitter page, but transposing (is that a word? I think it is…) “DOB” onto the DC logo? Hm? Sellout.
March 14th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I hate facebook and Twitter and all that other new fangledee young punk ass kid internet shit.
I use the internets like God intended, to steal movies and music and to look at p0rn, by cracky.
Also, DOB said this;
“(Also, the newest posts are on top, so you have to start from the bottom and work up, which is also kinda stupid.)”
Yeah that is fucking stupid, kind of like Cracked.com comments section is now.
Why would Cracked.com change their comments section to something stupid like that?
ARE YOU LISTENING JOB ? HUH? WHY ?
March 14th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
lmao
nice one =)
ur back !!
March 14th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
I agree that 140 characters is to short unless all you want to say is perhaps “went to pee.” I’ve tried to use Twitter as a way of letting people know their’s something new of updated on my site. I carefully craft the message to fit 140 characters and then Twitter further truncates it by using those tiny URLs. I’ve a well structured site and my actual URLs are part of the message.
March 14th, 2009 at 10:41 am
On my way to bathroom. Big honking dump. UHHHHH AAAARGGG.
Wiping butt. Will update flush status in a few.
March 14th, 2009 at 9:46 am
Huh jack???
HUH????????????
March 14th, 2009 at 8:28 am
Wait, isn’t Jack your bro? You were boning your niece? That’s sick. (Send pics)
March 14th, 2009 at 8:07 am
Where are the these tweets? I can not find any of them
March 14th, 2009 at 4:25 am
I’ll only Twitter if they have advertising bots.
PS Who the hell is SWAIN?
March 14th, 2009 at 4:09 am
The character limit on twitter is so you have to send more messages which results in inflated hit count, which is how twitter justifies its add rates.
This is all supposition at 5AM, as I actually could not care less what some twit is texting. Except for you DOB, even if you are not quite as funny as SWAIN
March 14th, 2009 at 4:07 am
Many people are discussing it at single dating club s e e k a m i l l i o n a i r e . c o m , ,,,,,
where the successful and affluent singles and hot girls and models to hook up for Hot Love, Flirt and Sexy Dating!★★★★★ ★★★★★ ★★★★★,,,
March 14th, 2009 at 3:46 am
It would be funnier if you learned what @reply means.
March 13th, 2009 at 11:02 pm
ugh, social networking. It was so much easier when I could just borderline sexually harass the nurses and techs on my floor and they couldn’t look me up on the web and see what a reprehensible human being I really am.
March 13th, 2009 at 10:59 pm
I have to admit I’m still not exactly sure what the hell twitter is, but from my understanding it seems like an expanded version of myspace’s/facebook’s update your status feature with text messaging capability. If that’s the case then I have to say I hate it with a passion. There’s something seriously wrong with you (crippling self-absorption) if you think all your friends care that your making yourself a sandwich…
March 13th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
Don’t get me wrong, he is a cheater. So are the fricken Squeelers. You see anybody ragging on their heroics? The other day,
I saw a blog about his gossip on site named ….Seekamillionaire com…. ‘ for people seeking wealthy .
March 13th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
This comment section needs a character limit, I can’t read this noise
March 13th, 2009 at 8:47 pm
Its always great when an article makes me laugh so loud that my co- workers give me funny looks
March 13th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
In my opinion Twitter is pretty much the same thing as facebook except it has nothing but the status updates.
March 13th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
LOL, love the Strangers bit.
March 13th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
I think the people freaking out in the comments on BOTH sides are retarded. Every article it seems has some wank who gets offended, then more wankers get offended by the first wanks offensive comment. Everyone who does that is a tool. It is a comedy site. First of all no one cares about your comment or mine. Secondly your probably a douche if a comment on a comedy site article, or the article itself makes you mad. That being said, Twitter is retarded. Do I do it? Yeah. Everything DOB said is pretty much true, and what isn’t is funny so who cares. It was a great article, DOB is the man. Keep ‘em coming.
March 13th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Fucking awesome, as usual.
March 13th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
DOB. Facebook is now real-time. You’re good.
March 13th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
Wait, I think we have a new Nicholas Cage movie here. It’s set in a dystopian future where people have lost the faculty of speech due to the runaway popularity of Twitter. All humans can do is communicate in 140 character bursts. Our hero Nick must return to the 2009 to warn the unthinking denizens of the Internet, which he does with a flashlight while wearing a bear suit. Also, there’s lots of running.
I spend too much time on Cracked.
March 13th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
“(Also, the newest posts are on top, so you have to start from the bottom and work up, which is also kinda stupid.)”
I see what you did there.
March 13th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Aeolian that was the most retarded attempt at a joke Ive ever seen, even on cracked.
March 13th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
I find Pepe entertaining. I also like the internet belief that people who annoy you are gay. But what if you ARE gay? Does that mean…does that mean you can only sleep with people who pissed you off on the internet? Is Internetgay like a new sexual orientation, of a group of interbreeding trolls? Sleeping together and getting WebAIDS and adopting babies to raise as people who other people on the internet will dislike? This fascinates me.
Oh, and words can be a lot more precious than your children, take it from me.
March 13th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Sarah - I want your twitter id so I can follow YOU! This is a pretty fucking funny article.
March 13th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
I am enjoying a cocktail in the dark zone contemplating the destruction of Twitter. I’ll let you all know what I decide, though if you use Twitter, it may just be too late.
March 13th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
[...] Why Twitter Can be Dangerous (tags: digg funny humor twitter) [...]
March 13th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
None of you realize the importance of Twitter in today’s family. Now, rather than needing to send two separate text messages, one to each parent, my 14-year-old daughter can send just one tweet, and both her daddy and I receive her message simultaneously on our cell phones. Time is precious, and “more ice cream this time w sprinkles” lets us know she is taking a much-needed quick study break, so Bill and I can race each other to the kitchen to fulfill her desire without unnecessary delay. Thanks to Twitter, our family has realized a peaceful harmony in our coexistence with our teenager, rather than the hellish existence our less tech-savvy neighbors endure.
March 13th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
LOL…. Maybe its because all the tweeters take so seriously the “WHAT ARE YOU DOING” wording on the page… lol Maybe that’s why Facebook recently changed to “WHATS ON YOUR MIND”… taken out of context that’s some funny shit… people need to lighten up and not take life so seriously.. Really…
March 13th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Twitter is retarded. I got strong-armed into having an account and I was bitter about it UNTIL TODAY. Now I’m following DOB and I have to say I’m like half in love with him. Awesome post, awesome twitter, but fuck you, I’m not marching.
March 13th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
wow. really people? you do realize you are on cracked.com, right?
March 13th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Wow, the people defending twitter in the comment section sure are retarded.
March 13th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
I tell you man, it’s not just Twitter, I was having a private phone call, and I was discussing certain aspects of boss and secretary relationships. And just because they were sitting 2 desks away, I now have no job. Crap technology, these phones.
March 13th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Great article, but even better are the poor Twitter users in the comment section. I’m forced to assume that their stuff was written purely to be entertaining and was in no way serious because…holy cow…what a lack of a sense of humor they have if that isn’t true.
March 13th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Wow…I thought u would make my friday more interesting than this Daniel….you have shamed the Tanaka clan….we will require you to commit ritual suicide….immediately….but do us a favor and twitter while you are doing it….so we may enjoy your blood being spilt on the keyboard….good day….o’brien-san
March 13th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Twitter sucks.
March 13th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Fucking hilarious. Nice stuff, the “Desperately looking for work.” is the best part.
March 13th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
I’m assuming all these negative posts come from the same person. They look similar to me, somehow. Anyway, it just goes to confirm what I thought about Tweeter.
March 13th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Im just flabbergasted over these people getting all butt hurt and defending the honour of twitter. All the while confirming everything thats wrong with it. Becrying productive people’s lack of time to read while wasting the time posting every few minutes. It reminds me of the RNC.
March 13th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
never been on twitter but that is funny as hell i love how all the people are freaking out too…its called satire if u cant take it then get off of a comedy site dumbshits
March 13th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
I sorta wish I proofread that better.
March 13th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
This article sucks a lot. The 140 character limit is because standard SMS limits messages to 160 chars, so they left room for a username, because it’s meant to be a mobile platform. So some research before calling it retarded and poorly-conceived.
What’s dangerous about not being able to alert your boyfriends that you’re hungry AND watching Liv Tyler? Why can’t you just write TWO tweets? Any breaking news story CAN be expressed in 140 characters; these are, unlike you, profesisonal writers we’re talking about.
Everyone can see it? That’s the point…make your post private if you want. Way to go into no detail whatsoever.
A person with your limited perceptions doesn’t belong on teh interwebz.
March 13th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
So Dan, you’re twelve and you write on the internet.
“Politician dead- plne crash, possible fire located in usa” Just because Twitter’s character limit is 140 doesn’t mean you have to be vague.
and you posted every fucking 5 seconds. what were you thinking? “Oh shit i stayed up late last night blogging and didnt write that article on Twitter! now i have to create an account because I’m behind in time and rate it in the next few hours!”
do you even know what twitter is for?
its really to keep a group of contacts informed without having to read a story. like if your followers are friends of yours you can tweet “Fire on Elm st!” or if your contacts are college friends you can tweet “No class tonight lets party!”
So I’m sorry you feel the need to sit naked in the dark with nothing but the light of a candle and your monitor while you type with one hand your complete sentences.
Not everything is a blog these days, productive people dont have time to read your endless babble of your battling emotions.
March 13th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
funny article/post.
March 13th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
@Pepe lol there is no hell both you and your kids will rot in the ground
March 13th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
“poo facial bitch!”
Noodlepie54 rocks.
March 13th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Hey guys I’m dead
March 13th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
So, I read some comments. Dude, you totally pissed off the tweeters. They’re gonna get all hopped out of their minds on their tweets and come after you man. Look out.
(and “Who’s editor-in-chief now?” still has me giggling. Good stuff!)
March 13th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Oooh.. nice Pepe… too bad that was complete nonsense.. except that informing them of minute to minute updates is, in it’s own rights, informing others of your life story. Bet you didn’t think about that did you?
Also, you insulting DOB just kinda, oh what’s the phrase, oh right, doesn’t work. Where’s your proof he’s gay? man, you are just factually off today.
March 13th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
So you love Valentine’s Day and hate Twitter. Weird…
March 13th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Daniel, as a fellow sentence-lover (I am fairly fond of proper capitalization and punctuation too…I know, totally last century) I feel your pain.
Not a twitterer…or is it “tweeter” (which sounds like an abuser of some chemical) but in general I have noticed that the Web, which is based around words and what not is utterly and completely killing the sentence. Hell, it seems like it already did and is moving onto words.
Since most of these comment forumns have a word limit, I should probably go.
March 13th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Hmm. Didn’t find this one funny.
Pity, I usually laugh rather loudly at the rest of the Cracked posts.
/fail.
March 13th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Hey Pepe, see you in Hell, you loser…
March 13th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
I considered joining Twitter the other day, just to see what was so great about it. Then I realized that blogging, unless you’re a news reporter (or work for CRACKED), is pointless and died in 2006. Also, I’d probably have no “followers” and have nothing interesting to say.
March 13th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
As someone has already said, the 140 character limit is not arbitrary, it was designed from the ground up to work with text messages, which most carries limit to 160 characters, and they saved 20 characters for user name and other headline necessities.
Way to go off on something that you know nothing about.
March 13th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
popurls.com // popular today…
story has entered the popular today section on popurls.com…
March 13th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
this is idiotic and so is twitter
March 13th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
your a fag
twitter is supposed to be an easy, light way to inform people of your little minute to minute updates
not a fucking blog where you type your life story
which in your case would involve eating tons of male butthole
and theres no way words can mean as much to you as your own damn kids
trust me if you ever have them (which is unlikely seeing as your gay) there wont be a thing in the world that even rivals in importance to your children
talkin about drownin them n shit. poeple like you make me glad that there is a hell
March 13th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
dan lol he really messaged u, wow what a douche eh?
March 13th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
“(Also, the newest posts are on top, so you have to start from the bottom and work up, which is also kinda stupid.)”
good thing you noticed cracked’s comment system…
March 13th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
That last tweet was Lol City. Population: Me. And some other Cracked readers I guess, but we usually ignore each other.
Also, following the motherfucking SHIT out of your Twitter. A lot. While singing that Buffalo bill song.
March 13th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH… The whole thing about boning Jack’s daughter was one of the funniest things I’ve ever read…. ooooohhhh maaaaannnnn…
March 13th, 2009 at 11:56 am
why are you so damn funny?
March 13th, 2009 at 11:44 am
that was actually pretty funny
March 13th, 2009 at 11:24 am
For the 140-character limit, can’t you just continue the message into another Tweet (or whatever they’re called)? That way, you’d have 280 characters to work with.
I have no idea whether or not this suggestion makes sense; I avoid Twitter like it was my granddad’s gay dildo, but you presumably understand.
March 13th, 2009 at 11:24 am
why can’t I find any of these posts you’ve used as examples?
March 13th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Uh, the 140 limit on twitter is so that it can all be sent in a single text message (with 20 chars reserved for your user name) regardless of carrier. Twitter is exactly as stupid as SMS.
March 13th, 2009 at 10:40 am
DOB you are the man, i peed myself a little i laughed so hard (and i’m not even a middle aged tena-lady-wearing(menopausal) woman)
March 13th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Yea, it’s really stupid for a website to put its newest posts on top. It’s such a pain in the ass if you want to read (let’s say, a comment section) and you have to go all the way to the bottom of the page to know what the hell the people at the top of the page are talkin’ about. Thank God Cracked doesn’t do that.
March 13th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Have people figured out that Twitter users are empirically called “Twits” yet? They are; it’s Science.
March 13th, 2009 at 9:49 am
I’m planning on tweeting the tweet out of this mothertweeter tonight. Wish me luck Tweeters.
March 13th, 2009 at 9:17 am
Twitter is further proof that while we are all “connected” we have precious little to actually say.
March 13th, 2009 at 8:57 am
Why even use the stupid twitter website if it has all these things you don’t like? Why not just make a little side bar on your blog or on cracked or whatever that has little mini updated blurbs?
Kinda like these guys here do, but make your own instead of making it link to twitter. (http://www.unknownworlds.com/ns2/)
I guess I’m not getting why every has to use twitter.com just to be able to have a little miniature, frequently updated, news list on their websites. Am I missing something?
March 13th, 2009 at 8:51 am
you can say pretty much whatever you want on twitter you don’t have to be like those “I’m eating a sandwich with my mom” type of people who update about useless shit every 5 minutes.
DOB’s attempt to be edgy and sarcastic with his acct has basically been overdone numerous times before.
March 13th, 2009 at 8:51 am
I don’t know… definitely funny, but I’m kind of disappointed that when Miley Cyrus has just announced that she has heart problems. Not the kind that are fatal or crippling or at all problematic, just the kind that tend to get the sympathy vote.
March 13th, 2009 at 8:29 am
So this article was essentially one long complaint about Twitter while at the same time being one long advertisement for your Twitter profile.
March 13th, 2009 at 8:26 am
Ah… DOB I love you man…
If I get Twitter or Facebook it’s because someone is holding a gun to my head… Or I’m drunk… Or high… Or I have cancer…
March 13th, 2009 at 8:26 am
@Noolepie54- Right, that’s the thing. It seems like, as a courtesy, I should follow these folks back, but I feel like my Twitter wall would be filled to the point of uselessness if I did that. It would become unmanageable. Instinctively, I don’t want to Twitter everyone back, but that makes me feel like kind of a dick if I don’t. As a compromise, I’ve been twittering only the people who look like they might be chicks based on their tiny profile pictures. I feel this is a good balance.
@Cutitdown- If you right click and do “View Background Image,” you’ll see it’s actually three or four different comics thrown together, some overlapping. One of the comics, the largest, is actually a Fantastic Four comic, I believe, so if you didn’t recognize it at first, that’s probably why.
March 13th, 2009 at 8:21 am
Why Twitter Can be Dangerous… | Cracked.com…
So, to fulfill my role as a hip, tech-savvy arbiter of taste, I decided to sign up for the newest social networking piece-of-shit, Twitter, as a way of saying “Look at me, I’m slowly stumbling my way into technological relevancy about two months af…
March 13th, 2009 at 8:17 am
Daniel.
Did you miss my ESSAY?
Dont ask ME.
I say….hmm…Actually, DO you twitter everyone back? What if you get hundreds of responses?
your whole life will become nothing but the next twitter….
dont do it!!
You’re too good to be wasted on it!!!
March 13th, 2009 at 8:15 am
Dan, I see the Spider-Man to the left of your head, and I have spent over a full minute staring at the background of your portrait trying to figure out what comic it might be.
A little help?
March 13th, 2009 at 8:05 am
Dorsey really said that? Never has calling someone a tool felt so right.
March 13th, 2009 at 8:03 am
Holy Shit, this practically tripled my Twitsciple count. But I’m still new to this, so I’m not really sure what the proper etiquette is. Am I supposed to follow people back? Do I follow everyone who followed me? Because, I’ll be honest, I don’t want to do that. The last time I did that, I was inundated with updates about someone’s argument with one of his friends. Is that what Twitter is for? So I can hate someone I don’t know?
March 13th, 2009 at 8:00 am
and people toss the word sociopath around alot lately and dont seem to understand what it means. Like calling Rorshach a sociopath when hes not hes just brutal and dosent care for people.
March 13th, 2009 at 7:58 am
hahaha great one DOB, By the way the comments on here go bottom to top too
March 13th, 2009 at 7:26 am
veaudaux(I hope I’ve spelled that correctly) thank you! That actually makes a lot more sense =)
I still cant see the point of it (mostly, obviously I dont mean the examples I gave and that you re-iterated), I still feel like few people(I read the article a few weeks back about celebrity twitters and being a Gaiman and Ellis fan found it sort of awesome getting that insight)
but at least now I have a…slightly better idea of what it is.
Cheers Veaudaux
March 13th, 2009 at 7:24 am
I just found out that Twitter is hosting a 15 minute “Twitterview” (yeah, that’s what they called it) between John McCain and George Stephanopoulos, Tuesday at noon. Even grampa is getting in on the tweeting action!
March 13th, 2009 at 7:23 am
Ahhhh…. Priceless.
March 13th, 2009 at 6:59 am
“people will maybe post ‘hitting town, leaving in five, meet me at 8 in*such and such a bar*’ or shit like that?” Yes.
When Twitter really took off was during a SXSW a couple of years ago - people that were in from out of town were using it to post notes about where they were, so other folks could meet up with them.
Twitter is also mini-blogging, which is why the character limit is enforced. To make sure it’s actually mini. Ever had a LiveJournal? Know how you’d be friends with somebody to keep up with them, but when they wrote anything longer than a paragraph or two, you’d just skip over it? Twitter is LiveJournal for people with limited attention spans. And just like any blog, how interesting it is depends totally on the person writing it.
March 13th, 2009 at 6:33 am
“decided to sign up for the newest social networking piece-of-shit, Twitter, as a way of saying “Look at me, I’m slowly stumbling my way into technological relevancy about two months after your parents.””
Don’t lie, DOB, you did it ’cause you fucking love me to bits.
Also, I’m drunk. I should probably tweet that…
March 13th, 2009 at 5:59 am
Yeah, Gersch, sorry about that =S didn’t realise it had run on so long, apologies all
March 13th, 2009 at 5:58 am
Can we get a word limit for Noodlepie?
March 13th, 2009 at 5:56 am
Great. Now I can’t get the image of Gladstone riding DOB hard out of my mind. Thanks for that.
March 13th, 2009 at 5:55 am
I gave in and got facebook, I will not get twitter.
March 13th, 2009 at 5:55 am
See, I am as yet NO FUCKING CLOSER to knowing what Twitter is
What is it?
what the fuck is it for?
Myspace and Facebook I sort of get. Facebook i rarely use but its nice to know I can contact that friend I haven’t talked to in five years and reminisce about that night we both went out and got trashed on vodka and totally made out with each other and swore we must be gay and gay for one another and said we’d just spend our days lezzing it up but then she we went to that neighbourhood barbecue still drunk the next day and she made out with my brother and I went out and made out with her dad and holyshit thats why we haven’t talked in five years like omg no wai you skank!
And Myspace, I love to hate, or hate to love. I have real friends I dont talk ton on facebook, who i do talk to on myspace, I like that I can post writing and stuff up there, I like that I can edit my profile to reflect my mood/obsession etc, so I understand THEM
Twitter though. I DONT GET IT
Is it basically like updating your facebook status every two fucking seconds?WHO THE FUCK IS THAT INTERESTING?
As Frankie Boyle puts it, I’m not constantly switching from merry to cautious.
I dont feel the need to document every single tiny detail of my day no matter how macabre , I AM NOT JADE GOODY.
Who actually uses Twitter?
And for what?
When they say Social Networking, do they mean like, people will maybe post ‘hitting town, leaving in five, meet me at 8 in*such and such a bar*’ or shit like that?
Okay. I can understand that.
But ‘what are you doing? just took a mega shit!!’
” ” ” oh noes,it wont flush!
” ” toilet overflowed, ankle deep in faeces
” ” haha, sister fell face first into poo puddle, poo facial bitch!
” ” ” dad doesn’t see funny side, grounded now, what a dick
im…guessing here that this is basically the level of message you get on twitter, yes?
My BOSS just asked me if i twitter. I nearly slapped her and sued her for sexual harrasment.
Im 22… am i getting too old?
March 13th, 2009 at 5:54 am
Tell me why the word ‘fuck’ is used so much in writing.
March 13th, 2009 at 5:54 am
Dude, plaster, if you’re not wanting articles about boners and dick jokes, you’re completely on the wrong site.
Don’t try to change juvenilistic brilliance. Just accept it as it is.
March 13th, 2009 at 5:50 am
Twitter - excellent, another place for me to censor myself. Fuck you, Internet.
March 13th, 2009 at 5:49 am
Twitter? I hardly know her.
March 13th, 2009 at 5:35 am
OH, also I claimed to be Spider-Man before you ever did, but seeing as I was 5 and you weren’t born, I guess I can’t ride you too hard on that.
March 13th, 2009 at 5:33 am
Mr. Brockway, I believe the fact that Jack O’Brien’s daughter is a whore has already been established in the article, reiterating it is pointless, unless of course you were hoping to further insult the already intolerably shameful wreckage that must be Mr. O’Brien’s (the coke-addicted one, not the dick-joke one) family life.
March 13th, 2009 at 5:27 am
You should merge this with the feature for today. Because of the whoring. And the historical importance.
March 13th, 2009 at 5:26 am
^_^ ^_^ ^_^ May every Jack has his Jill. Still Don’t have a date?
Check out____S e e k r i c h ____c o m___
There are Over millions of profiles from all over the world!
You can get their pictures, phone numbers, locations, and almost any information.
Everything is FREE! Don’t forget to tell your friends!^_^ ^_^ ^_^
March 13th, 2009 at 5:16 am
So you Twittered JOB’s daughter? He’s like twelve. How old could she be? (Nice work).
March 13th, 2009 at 4:56 am
It’s the second article about boners today, and probably fifth this week. PLEASE STOP ALREADY boner boner boner boner
March 13th, 2009 at 4:51 am
Twitter. The next step in our headlong charge towards a completely voyeuristic society.
By the way. Thanks for making me crave Gyros.
March 13th, 2009 at 4:46 am
What? The Strangers was stupid as hell! I won’t even dignify the shock ending, which made no sense. Do you know what the “true story” on which it’s “based” really is?
Someone once came to the writer’s door (when he was a kid) and asked if someone was home. That someone didn’t live there; they’d never heard of the person. The next morning, they found out some of the houses in the neighbourhood had been broken into.
That’s it. End of story. Are your bones sufficiently chilled yet?
March 13th, 2009 at 4:45 am
WHORE!
March 13th, 2009 at 4:42 am
it’s its
March 13th, 2009 at 4:37 am
I swear to hell, every day, someone on Cracked is trying to get me to sign onto something else. With Gladstone, it was Digg. With Gladstone, it was Facebook. With Gladstone, it was Cracked in general. And now you with Twitter. I swear - Firefox can only remember so many damn passwords before it explodes!
March 13th, 2009 at 4:30 am
Thank god for early morning cracked articles. They are an excellent capper to all the stupid all nighters I pull. THANKS. Was funny
March 13th, 2009 at 4:10 am
I have to say, I know I’ve only been doing Twitter a little longer than you, but I don’t see the appeal.
I mean, creating a Facebook meme -something I’ve done before you– that was fun, but Twitter? I don’t know.
I guess it’s sorta like making fun of Miley Cyrus. Like I did that before you did, but it wasn’t until you did it that it became more fun.
So maybe you can show me the way on Twitter.
Nice article.
March 13th, 2009 at 4:04 am
DOB you kinda look like the guy from 3rd rock from the sun. I think he was also in miracle at St. Anna.
March 13th, 2009 at 3:54 am
Strangers was an anti climax for me -
there they are, tormenting that couple for like 80 minutes ….and then they spend like 2 minutes stabbing them in chairs
SMH.
Awesome article though
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
March 13th, 2009 at 3:46 am
Dob wrote:
(Also, the newest posts are on top, so you have to start from the bottom and work up, which is also kinda stupid.)
Hey, that is exactly how the cracked comments work! Now if your site builders can change that ASAP..??
March 13th, 2009 at 3:43 am
A+
March 13th, 2009 at 3:42 am
haha awesome.
I’m tempted to sign up for Twitter just to follow you.
(Great. I sound like a stalker now.)
March 13th, 2009 at 3:33 am
Loved it ^^
On a different note, The Strangers creeped me out o.O
March 13th, 2009 at 3:31 am
No tweeting in jail DOB, i m surprised at you. Also, very funny, you’ve done it again, this is why you’re the best.
March 13th, 2009 at 3:24 am
Hey DOB. You can always come to me for sunshine and fellatio…and some deep dicking.
MUAH
Love u DOB
March 13th, 2009 at 3:14 am
(claim of existential importance by being a guy who typed stuff early in the morning on a comedy website)
March 13th, 2009 at 3:13 am
Hurm. Interesting