I have enough guilt complexes to occasionally consider giving up meat, dumping a wad of cash on an electric car or stop burning piles of leaves and old tires in my yard. It’s called being a good person. Or at least considering it.
But I’ve got to say, for the most part, environmentalist groups piss me off just as much as any other extremist organization. Actually, they probably piss me off even more, if only because I generally agree with their precepts (”the Earth is cool”), so seeing them bend sane discourse over a barrel of hydroponically-grown wheat germ makes me feel like going out and punching a cow in the head on principle.
Yes, they stand for some good things, but no one can listen to the same yammered proselytizing equating chicken processing to the Holocaust for too long without it losing all impact other than to fill you with the urge to strangle whoever’s doing it just to stop the ceaseless, ceaseless noise. It’s the same reason the Christian kids in school who gave you long lectures on why you were going to Hell had no friends. And made you want to strangle them.
But you, the intelligent CRACKED reader, demand more than spewed bile; you demand evidence. Read on, and prepare to hate all those people who you’ve come to think of as better than you.
First off, remember that whale thing I blogged about a while ago? The Japanese agreed not to go Ahab on some Humpbacks, and we all breathed a collective sigh of relief then went back to our Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers.
Well, Greenpeace wasn’t willing to drop the issue quite so easily, and have in fact been following the Japanese fishing boat around in their own boat, which we must assume is a giant floating pita pocket.
Subsisting on a diet of falafel and self-importance, these brave men and women have devotedly tracked down the Japanese, setting up webcams and continuously blogging about their nefarious plans to kill overly abundant whales.
That’s right; setting aside the Humpback issue, the Japanese are now planning to kill 935 Minke whales and 50 Finbacks, neither of which are endangered and which are in fact depleting fish stocks. Despite it all, Greenpeace members say they are willing to “get between harpoons and whales if necessary.”
The harpoons the Japanese use are tipped with explosives, so no matter what the ultimate outcome of this whole thing is, there’s a good chance it’s going to spawn some entertaining Youtube clips. Ross?
Next, Friends of Earth International (the plucky, up-and-coming environmentalist group) is protesting a European study proclaiming cloned food “relatively safe.” The study found that even though cloned animals are more prone to disease, the diseased animals are culled and therefore the final product is as safe to eat as a conventionally bred animal. To which an environmentalist leader replied:
“They clearly acknowledge that these animals have more diseases …And then they go on to conclude that meat and products from cloned animal products are O.K. for Europeans to eat. It makes no sense.”
Actually, it makes perfect sense, and if you don’t see why, reread the sentence above that quote. So shut up and get away from my cloned pate de fois gras. It’s the first step towards having a clone of my own to harvest organs from, and I’ll be damned if you’re going to keep me from him (his name will be CLONE 1-A. I don’t want to get too attached).
Finally, PETA, the environmentalist group most responsible for making environmentalist groups utterly unbearable, has done something utterly unbearable.
In a display of what I’m sure they believe is sly brilliance, they had a “memorial stone” erected near the grave of Colonel Sanders, the KFC guy, in a Kentucky cemetery. The stone’s inscription, a rambling epic poem about chickens and their love for being flash fried in hot grease, was written in such a way that the first letters of each line spell out the phrase “KFC tortures chickens.”
Great. Hilarious. That’s totally going to convince the kids to plant a tree on Arbor Day and the parents to trade in the SUV for a Prius. Jesus Christ PETA, you’re becoming Chris Hitchins. And you know who likes Chris Hitchens? No, not atheists. Atheist morons.
Go stand in front of a bulldozer or, failing that, an explosive harpoon.
Besides blogging for CRACKED, Michael also makes hate-filled videos as writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
This entry was posted on Monday, January 14th, 2008 at 8:00 am and is filed under Bile, Environmentalists, Explosive Harpoons, Greeneace, News, PETA. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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November 13th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
I don’t not eat KFC because they mistreat their chickens, I don’t eat the crap because it TASTES LIKE EVIL! I can feel my insides ripping themselves apart in order to remove the grease that will set up shop once I eat this junk. My heart is crying so I leave you with that.
September 28th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
I do believe that nature is something to be respected. Just as a human life has value, so does a pet life or a tree life.
I’m not a vegetarian though! Those people are crazy.
September 26th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
The SEA SHEPARDS are nothing but crinimals and pirates and instead of calling them HEROS OF THE PLANET like the news media dose they should be sent to prison for 50 years no parole,no plea bargening and certialy no movie or book deals
August 26th, 2009 at 4:52 am
xStephan: You can’t out-evolve anything. Evolution is an ongoing process. It’s not something you can get to the end of and win.
August 25th, 2009 at 4:03 am
Thank you for calling them on this stupid, stupid BS. The chicken holocaust stuff literally made me decide to eat more chicken just to spite them.
August 23rd, 2009 at 5:10 pm
You would have to be stark raving stupid to have anything to do with PETA and its idiotic campaigns
August 21st, 2009 at 5:03 pm
PETA bitches about animals being exploited by the man. Even the ones being used for medical research and Health care. To PETA, a goddamn lab rat is more important than human lives that can be saved by this shit. This is depite their vice president using GODDAMN PIG INSULIN to treat her diabetes. Fuck the Eco-loonies.
August 15th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Dear God I hate PETA so much I can’t even articulate it. In my opinion human rights, and hell maybe even human convience comes before that of animals, and why? Because we out evolved them, sorry animals, better luck next time.
April 5th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
I absolutly cant stand those jerks from PETA pulling off their stupid antimeat protests all the time and as for the green freaks oppsing senible forest management then i suggest they all be put on the forest fire were sure to be having this summer after all if it were not for their stupid lawsuit we wouldnt have these problems
March 31st, 2009 at 12:22 am
I don’t condone murder. But I do condone deliciousness. Such a conundrum.
January 7th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
People seem to think humans are the great evil in this world and animals are naturally harmless and innocent. Animals slaughter each other faster than humans ever have. Because they have no morals, responsibilities, rights or souls.
Environmentalism isn’t any better. Mother nature is a bitch. The simple essence of all reality on this planet is that every species has to fight nature for survival. “We have only one earth mother. She will treat us as we treat her.” Ha! Our “Earth Mother” will destroy us all given a chance. Trying to live in harmony with nature is idiocy.
Did I just get into a heated argument with a spambot?
December 12th, 2008 at 5:56 am
PETA fuck and marry animals in large communes run by old goats..
It’s in South Park; South Park is on telly. Ergo, it’s true.
August 25th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Giving animal rights a bad name…?
Animal Rights deserve nothing less than a bad name. I’m an animal lover, but I would never think that an animal has “rights”, as we define them. The moment we shut down slaughter houses, bam, animal overpopulation. And guess what? Starvation is a much slower, more painful death than any slaughter house cruelty.
But, you know. PETA wants only the best for its animals, as long as people aren’t benefiting.
If you really care about animals, support animal *welfare* instead. It’s the cause without the extremists.
July 25th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
the Sea Shepards (even more radical greenpeace splinter group) have sunk eleven ships that were doing legal scientific reasearch on whales. So i say fuck whales lets hunt greenpeace ships!
June 19th, 2008 at 10:11 am
We should always remember: we have only one earth mother. She will treat us in the way we treat her.
I and my online friends in big people meet club ___PlusMeet.c o m___ often discuss environmental issues and problems at the forum. Though P l u s M e e t . c o m is a hot dating site for big curvy women and their admirers. We will not forget our responsibilities as a human on earth.
April 30th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eScDfYzMEEw
April 4th, 2008 at 3:52 am
Is the bulldozer a reference to Rachael Corrie? If it is…cool.
March 25th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
maybe if those dumb motherfucking whales would just stop swimming up at a boat full of chinks with harpoons. and to most of those animal loving people… humans kick ass. would an animal give a fuck if we were going extinct?
March 18th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Perhaps we should harvest some Japanese fishermen each year to take the pressure off the whale population: after all, killing the Japanese was once part of our culture, right? I mean, here’s probably—what—20,000 fishermen, so it can hardly hurt the overall population if we knock off say 50-100 just for scientific purposes.
Perhaps they taste like chicken—which, if you take this to its logical extreme, might spare some of those poor beakless KFC victims, yes?
And to think people sometimes regard me as a raving lunatic. The nerve.
March 9th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
I’d prefer reading in my native language, because my knowledge of your languange is no so well. But it was interesting! Look for some my links:
February 26th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Don’t believe one optimistic word from any public figure about the economy or humanity in general. They are all part of the problem. Its like a game of Monopoly. In America, the richest 1% now hold 1/2 OF ALL UNITED STATES WEALTH. Unlike ‘lesser’ estimates, this includes all stocks, bonds, cash, and material assets held by America’s richest 1%. Even that filthy pig Oprah acknowledged that it was at about 50% in 2006. Naturally, she put her own ‘humanitarian’ spin on it. Calling attention to her own ‘good will’. WHAT A DISGUSTING HYPOCRITE SLOB. THE RICHEST 1% HAVE LITERALLY MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. Don’t fall for all of their ‘humanitarian’ CRAP. ITS A SHAM. THESE PEOPLE ARE CAUSING THE SAME PROBLEMS THEY PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT. Ask any professor of economics. Money does not grow on trees. The government can’t just print up more on a whim. At any given time, there is a relative limit to the wealth within ANY economy of ANY size. So when too much wealth accumulates at the top, the middle class slip further into debt and the lower class further into poverty. A similar rule applies worldwide. The world’s richest 1% now own over 40% of ALL WORLD WEALTH. This is EVEN AFTER you account for all of this ‘good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS from celebrities and executives. ITS A SHAM. As they get richer and richer, less wealth is left circulating beneath them. This is the single greatest underlying cause for the current US recession. The middle class can no longer afford to sustain their share of the economy. Their wealth has been gradually transfered to the richest 1%. One way or another, we suffer because of their incredible greed. We are talking about TRILLIONS of dollars. Transfered FROM US TO THEM. Over a period of about 27 years. Thats Reaganomics for you. The wealth does not ‘trickle down’ as we were told it would. It just accumulates at the top. Shrinking the middle class and expanding the lower class. Causing a domino effect of socio-economic problems. But the rich will never stop. They will never settle for a reasonable share of ANYTHING. They will do whatever it takes to get even richer. Leaving even less of the pie for the other 99% of us to share. At the same time, they throw back a few tax deductable crumbs and call themselves ‘humanitarians’. IT CAN’T WORK THIS WAY. This is going to end just like a game of Monopoly. The current US recession will drag on for years and lead into the worst US depression of all time. The richest 1% will live like royalty while the rest of us fight over jobs, food, and gasoline. Crime, poverty, and suicide will skyrocket. So don’t fall for all of this PR CRAP from Hollywood, Pro Sports, and Wall Street PIGS. ITS A SHAM. Remember: They are filthy rich EVEN AFTER their tax deductable contributions. Greedy pigs. Now, we are headed for the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time. SEND A “THANK YOU” NOTE TO YOUR FAVORITE MILLIONAIRE. ITS THEIR FAULT. I’m not discounting other factors like China, sub-prime, or gas prices. But all of those factors combined still pale in comparison to that HUGE transfer of wealth to the rich. Anyway, those other factors are all related and further aggrivated because of GREED. If it weren’t for the OBSCENE distribution of wealth within our country, there never would have been such a market for sub-prime to begin with. Which by the way, was another trick whipped up by greedy bankers and executives. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. The credit industry has been ENDORSED by people like Oprah, Ellen, Dr Phil, and many other celebrities. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. So don’t fall for their ‘humanitarian’ BS. ITS A SHAM. NOTHING BUT TAX DEDUCTABLE PR CRAP. Bottom line: The richest 1% will soon tank the largest economy in the world. It will be like nothing we’ve ever seen before. and thats just the beginning. Greed will eventually tank every major economy in the world. Causing millions to suffer and die. Oprah, Angelina, Brad, Bono, and Bill are not part of the solution. They are part of the problem. EXTREME WEALTH HAS MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. WITHOUT WORLD PROSPERITY, THERE WILL NEVER BE WORLD PEACE OR ANYTHING EVEN CLOSE. GREED KILLS. IT WILL BE OUR DOWNFALL. Of course, the rich will throw a fit and call me a madman. Of course, their ignorant fans will do the same. You have to expect that. But I speak the truth. If you don’t believe me, then copy this entry and run it by any professor of economics or socio-economics. Then tell a friend. Call the local radio station. Re-post this entry or put it in your own words. Be one of the first to predict the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time and explain its cause. WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.
February 23rd, 2008 at 8:26 am
Melissa…
I was impressed by your site and offerings. I was looking at some of the articles and it really impressed me. All I can say is congratulations on creating this site and what took you so long? I look forward to returning….
February 22nd, 2008 at 4:27 am
hotel surplus…
First time here, thanks for the idea…
February 10th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
I hate people that think they are doing what they do for all the right reasons, when in reality they’re just following the trend.
It’s not that americans have become more “environmentally aware” over the past 2-3 years…it’s just become trendy and cool to care about the environment.
in five years, there will be a new scare and people will forget all about their pro-earth hippie-ass motherfucking ways.
And thankfully by that point, there should be no more god damned hybrids.
http://www.digg.com/environment/Here_s_a_Big_Middle_Finger_to_those_of_you_who_Drive_Hybrids_2/
February 8th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
I love how the Aussie douchebags claim to have a “Whale Sanctuary” in Antarctica—talk about your imperialistic nonsense that violates international law—the Antarctic Treaty which specifically prohibits territorial claims to be exact…
And all for the sake of getting their panties knotted up over something that’s none of their damn business.
The same crew, no doubt, who were whining not all that long ago about California’s ban on kangaroo meat and leather as being “”discrimination” and “attacking Australian culture and industry.”
You don’t like killing whales and eating them? Fine, don’t kill any whales and eat them. The Nips like doing it, and it’s none of your damn business.
February 1st, 2008 at 6:16 am
australia windows vista ultimate…
haha gotta love Windows……
January 27th, 2008 at 3:46 am
The Earth was not made specifically for humans to rape as they see fit.
Any sentient creature deserves respect for the gift of it’s body.
What is gained by “hating” environmentalists/animal rights activists (or extremists)? Reading what some of you guys are saying… man, it’s not even worth saving the human race from itself if this is how half the population thinks.
I hope your ignorance is blissful.
January 25th, 2008 at 8:53 am
My favourite is always when some mouthbreather tells me not to eat eggs because they’re “chicken abortions”. That’s like saying a tampon is a human abortion. Sad thing is it always takes fucking forever to explain it to them. If a hen doesn’t see a cock it won’t have chickens (see what i did there?).
January 22nd, 2008 at 9:32 am
I agree that Peta has been known to be ridiculous. They are really extreme on some things. But what I have to agree with is that animals don’t deserve to be abused or killed for no reason. Unfortunatley the world is full of self abosrbed people who could give a rats ass what an animal has suffered to end up on there fur coats, but I’ve seen those animals get skinned alive just so that there fur can be sold to so some rich spoiled biotch. Im a good person, so this bothers me. And don’t be fooled by what the USDA says, these animals are getting abused really bad. Do your research and see for yourself.
January 20th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
“They claim to be hunting whales for “scientific research” not to eat. And the meat that is sold in Japan as a result of the “scientific research” sells so poorly that they end up with a massive surplus every year.
So regardless of how much of the whale they use, there is barely any demand for it any more. Perhaps that’s because their culture has moved on…”
So why the fuck are they hunting whales? “Scientific research”? Your scare quotes seem to indicate otherwise. But you also indicate that they aren’t exactly eating them. I’m confused.
January 20th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Hey Alf? who the fuck cares? PETA, Animal Militia, they’re both just as bad.
The president of PETA endorsed a young guy who firebombed a medical lab that actually gave up testing on animals as a ‘fine young man.’
January 20th, 2008 at 9:50 am
Bennet Says:
“PETA in particular are total fucking morons…about a year ago I saw some program on TV here in the UK about some animal rights activists. One of them (who clearly had a room temperature IQ) said that a chicken’s life meant as much as a humans…they also went as far as stealing the dead body from the grave of some woman who used to own a fur farm.”
You obviously weren’t paying much attention to the programme then because the idiots who dug up the grave had nothing to do with PETA. They were part of the Animal Rights Militia. They’re a violent animal rights group, the sort of group that gives a bad name to animal rights.
Try getting your facts straight next time…
Matt says:
“Finally, it’s not like they don’t use the whole animal. As an old Japanese proverb goes, “there’s nothing to throw away from a whale except its voice.””
They claim to be hunting whales for “scientific research” not to eat. And the meat that is sold in Japan as a result of the “scientific research” sells so poorly that they end up with a massive surplus every year.
So regardless of how much of the whale they use, there is barely any demand for it any more. Perhaps that’s because their culture has moved on…
January 18th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
“So shut up and get away from my cloned pate de fois gras. ”
They’d start WWIII if we fucked with their raw organic veggiedouche pate de greenery.
I go back and forth between being a fan of Hitchens and being appalled by him (probably because his views change as often as I change underwear), would mind shining a bit of light on why he can be an unlikeable character? I’ve always seen him as one with reason and dismissal for extremism, but now I’m not so sure.
January 16th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Meat, not mat. Ooops.
January 16th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Red mat is good for you. Blue-green meat, now that’s bad for you
January 16th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Leaving your human meat unrefrigerated and out on the sidewalk is a great way to get food poisoning. Way to encourage poor food preparation, PETA.
January 16th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
There seems to be a lot of confusion and crossover of the environmentalism and animal rights themes, which are two seperate issues. Fortunately I’m violently opposed to both, thanks mainly to over-the-top, hysterical, extremist and in many cases violent activists (Thank you, Shadizzle and the grave-robbing animal rights activists)
Animals have no rights. To have rights, you must have responsibilities - the only responsibility a pig has is to taste delicious in bacon, sausage and/or pork chop form.
My objections to the environment issue are less defined, and centre mostly on the fact that Chris Martin seems to be in favour of it.
January 16th, 2008 at 12:02 am
I think the best way to get people (I mean the majority of people, i.e. greedy resource-hogging white people with too much free time and money, like me) to change their ways isn’t to bollock on about melting ice caps or other gigantic problems noone can do anything about - it’s to appeal to their greed. People may well care about rising sea levels and ozone holes but who the fuck can stand there and tell the sea to behave itself? Apart from Moses?
People will install solar power systems because that stuff saves money. Lots of money. Some people’s solar systems produce enough surplus power that they can feed it back to the grid and charge the energy company for it! It’s not bullshit either, that’s happening in Australia right now. With the insane amount of sun we get in this country it blows my mind that our government isn’t looking in building to massive-scale solar collectors in our many enormous deserts…
You could also just use solar hot water if setting up a whole power system’s too expensive. The amount of energy used just to heat water for washing clothes, people, dishes etc can make up a third of a family’s energy bill.
Hey, who the hell suggested wood stoves?? You wanna throw a few more tonnes of unprocessed carbon waste into the air every year, you retarded hippy? Fuck me, that’s beyond spastic. “Get” a milkman? Laughable. What about the fumes he’ll emit, constantly driving and stopping and starting up again? I’ll ignore the fact that milkmen are basically extinct - I think the last milkman died in about 1988. How about a few more things that actually make sense?
Whaling, gosh how I loathe it. And, as always, we hear the old chestnuts like “there are thousands of them” or “it’s part of Japanese culture”. In Australia we hear “well, you guys eat kangaroos and stuff, hey…”
Yes. We do eat kangaroos. In some parts of the country, mostly due to the large volume of grain crops we grow here (when we’re not copping 10-year droughts), they are in plague proportions and need to be controlled for the sake of their own species’ survival as well to protect the crops. Besides, it’s a renewable local resource, lower in fat and requires much less energy to process than an equivalent volume of beef. It’s also very nutritious and bloody tasty.
Yes. Whaling is part of Japanese culture. So does bullshitting about “research”. If they dropped that line and just said “they’re tasty, we like them” it’d be more difficult to loathe them them when they’re hauling the still-breathing mammal onto a deck and start cutting it into steak before it’s dead, but only slightly more difficult. Whatever, don’t do it in someone else’s territory, especially if it’s labelled “Whale Sanctuary”. If it’s ethnocentrically valuable, keep the hunts to your own territorial waters! Culturally, whaling used to be part of Australian culture as well, not to mention Russian, North American, Northern European and many other cultures. Not so much these days. Why does Japan get a free pass on this? Because they simply haven’t stopped whaling like most of the rest of the world? Hey, slavery used to be integral to many cultures. How about a revival? Honour killings are still popular among some backward cave-dwelling (and even house dwelling) halfwits. Polygamy & child brides anyone? How about some good old fashioned chauvinism? Those chicks don’t really need the vote or the right to own property, let’s take it back.
Yes, there may well be thousands of tasty kinds of whale out there. Why does that mean open season? There used to be thousands of blue whales, sperm whales and humpbacks too. Used to be. What could have happened to them all? I doubt that they were all eaten by giant squid.
Besides, an important point is being missed completely: if the whale numbers drop too sharply in numbers we shall be overrun by krill and plankton. Wake up, people of Earth!
January 15th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Have you ever seen the Peta episode of Penn and Teller’s Bullshit? Awesome episode.
I consider myself an environmentalist. I’m a big fan of the sierra club. I even went door to door for Environmental Action to try to stop the clear skies initiative that was going to allow more mercury into our ecosystem when current one in six women of childbearing age in the US has enough mercury in her body to harm the unborn child. See? I get angry about the environment because I want to keep eating animals. I want to be able to eat Tuna all I goddamn want. I love the stuff. Anywho there are plenty of rational arguments for why we should care about the … you know … earth, like for example at a certain point our environment will be so poisoned that we’ll all die (or at least develop some minor birth defects or diseases - like in washington dc in the summer there are things called red days when because of pollution kids with asthma aren’t supposed to go outside). I’m generally against that. There are real problems, but insane people like those at PETA make anyone making an environmental argument look bad because we get associated with them. That’s why it has never been a legitimate issue. no politician wanted to look like “Seabreeze” who is one with the trees. It is a legitimate issue now because Al Gore made a movie that got a lot of attention and made a lot of money. It refocused the argument, but everyday vegans threaten to move it back to obscurity.
Have you ever hear the song Beef and Broccoli by Immortal Technique. Fantastic view on why vegetarians acting like retards.
January 15th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Unless you renew now, this is your LAST ISSUE of Cracked!
January 15th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
But EXACTLY as much as a crudely-drawn picture of a mexican boy.
January 15th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
I think it’s funny that judging by comments more people seemed concerned about Guitar Hero than the environment and animal welfare. At least Cracked.com readers are.
January 15th, 2008 at 6:08 am
I didn’t really dig the game. Got boring after a couple levels. So to entertain myself I called Nintendo about copyright enfringement. PETA said Mario abused Yoshi. That ain’t cool.
January 15th, 2008 at 4:55 am
Their chicken’s ok. Just ok.
January 15th, 2008 at 4:54 am
I hate KFC because they have co-opted my state’s unofficial state song. Someone please explain to me what Kentucky and Chicken and “Sweet Home Alabama” have to do with each other. Fucking nothing!!!!!, that’s what. That pisses me off. Lynard Skynard sold out.
January 15th, 2008 at 4:43 am
First off, I love the Peta sucks pic. That’s awesome
Secondly, Japan has been whaling for well over 1000 years. It is part of there culture. They don’t do it for shits and giggles. I find it to be a very ethnocentric argument to oppose Japanese whaling when it really isn’t hurting anything.
So this year they plan on killing 935 Minke whales. Sounds terrible doesn’t it? It may sound a little less terrible if you know there are 650,000-1,470,500 of those large bastards swimming around. So at most Japan is going to take down 0.14% of the population. I think they might make it.
They are also planning on killing 50 endangered fin whales. There are 24,400-46,200 fin whales around today. So at most Japan is killing 0.2% of the population. Once again, I think they just might make it.
Trying to restrict someone’s culture when it has no negative effect upon your own is outrageous and irresponsible.
Finally, it’s not like they don’t use the whole animal. As an old Japanese proverb goes, “there’s nothing to throw away from a whale except its voice.”
January 15th, 2008 at 2:59 am
That game was pretty fun. There’s only one kind of enemy though; that bites. I guess their budget ran out.
January 15th, 2008 at 2:34 am
I hate them for many reasons. I have well thought out things and examples but instead of all that I think posting this will do the trick.
http://www.kentuckyfriedcruelty.com/superchicksisters/index.asp
January 15th, 2008 at 1:55 am
I’ll admit I took the phrase “unsubscribe” as a statement of departure, and that’s what I took as immature. If you’re sticking around, awesome. Mind explaining what subscribing means? Or did you just mean in an emotional sense?
In any case, good points all round, and sorry if I mistakenly lumped you in with a lot of reactionaries who tend to gather on these boards. I think you can understand my mistake (see “Nick”).
As for correcting my post, I accurately represented the information found in my source article. If that info is incorrect, it’s awesome that someone like you is free to post links to more reliable sources. Please do so. But the onus isn’t on me to correct information you disagree with, merely to take the information found in the sources I find and talk about them.
And admittedly, the rigor with which I investigate my sources couldn’t be considered investigative journalism in any sense. After all, in the end, this is a humor blog, and I write about topics that I think can be funny and interesting using the “facts” that I can glean off of the top three google news or wikipedia pages about the topic. If you want in-depth reporting, you’d do well to unsubscribe. If you want to help inform the community, feel free to stick around, and know that I don’t really have the passion for this topic to harbor any enmity towards anyone. Or maybe you’ve gone and that’s that. Either way, PARANOIA!
January 15th, 2008 at 1:19 am
I am neither huffy, nor departed (and I see nothing “extremist” in a huffy departure anyway; that would seem to be more a sign of frustration). But yes, unsubscribed.
That is an interesting view of an endangered species list. It’s not open season on what’s *not* on the list. Just because there *isn’t* a law against certain things, doesn’t mean we can/should all go out and do them.
Regardless, my principle issue was with the article saying “neither of which is endangered”, which is clearly incorrect, and that piece of misinformation will be taken on board (no pun intended) by others, and repeated who knows how often. I also wanted to highlight the fact that the Japanese are doing it in someone else’s territory. These things matter; they are vital to having an informed understanding of the situation.
I’ve read my previous post 4 times, and am still looking for the immature aspect. Unsubscribing is immature, perhaps that’s what you mean? I think not. When we are unhappy with a restaurant we don’t eat there again; if a brand of shoe makes your feet hurt, you don’t buy that brand again. We make a conscious, grown-up decision to remove from our lives what is offensive or that which does not suit us. I simply thought I would choose not to subscribe to misinformation, so unsubscribed, that’s all.
And as of this writing, I see you’ve responded to my post, but not corrected the inaccuracy in the article. That’s a shame. Looks like it stands, and the misinformation continues.
In which case, yea, I’ll depart now. Thanks for responding, now.. where’s my lollipop and dolly…
January 14th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
What’s the point of an endangered list if not to differentiate which animals it is acceptable to kill? Maybe that’s a blunt interpretation, but it’s entirely accurate. It’s a list of what not to kill. Therefore, it’s also a list of what it’s okay to kill. Just because you may put everything on that list doesn’t change the nature of its function.
I’m sorry to see a subscriber go (I’m assuming you mean an RSS feed?), but it’s kind of my job to declare my opinions about things. It’s really cool that you decided to do some research and counter my arguments; you’ve got some solid points there. I’d love to have you stick around and provide us all with a more lively discussion. There will be dicks, yes, but we all do our best to ignore them.
I see the first part of your post as part of an open debate. Apparently you see it as a final huffy tirade before dramatically departing. In my book, that makes you the extremist, and a lot less likely to get your message across to anyone than if you just stated your dissension with some maturity and a sense of humor.
January 14th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
^Congrats, no one cares.
January 14th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Part the first: ALL WORLDWIDE POPULATIONS of fin whales are endangered according to the US Fish & Wildlife Service and the International Conservation Union Red List. These whales were given full protection from commercial whaling by the IWC in 1976 for this region. Taking them for research is acceptable, as are small aboriginal catches. Nobody really believes the Japanes want them for “research”. And 50 of them? (let alone the 1000 minke) Yea, that’s one big barbeque, mate.
Part the second: Japanese whaling is taking place *inside* the Australian Whale Sanctuary in Antarctica. Japan’s own data shows it took at least 1261 whales from sanctuary-declared waters. And it’s not just Greenpeace going after them, the Australian government is dogging them with their own patrol ship to gather video and photographic evidence to present in international courts to get those bastards OUT of the whaling business. Greenpeace got there first though, and chased them out of the hunting ground area.
Oh, and don’t judge all environmentalists and vegetarians by your “peta” group. They’re Americans. They’re extreme. They’re whackos.
I find your “if they’re not endangered it’s ok to kill them” stand decidedly disturbing. Saying that a species is not endangered so therefore it’s ok to kill them is outrageous and irresponsible. Congratulations; you just lost a subscriber.
January 14th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Aw Swaim, you know what they say. mediocre minds…
January 14th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
I would mock you, mercilessly, except I noticed this on your page:
Neutral Milk Hotel - The King of Carrot Flowers Part 1
I literally heard this song (and album) for the first time yesterday and am utterly in love. Holland 1945 is genius.
January 14th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
there were too many big words in this blog, i lost interest & a perfectly good paint sniffing high at “proselytizing.” however i am feeling the christmas spirit and am therefore logically leaving you my myspace page (OMG IT’S A REAL LIVE GIRL ON CRACKED!!) to mock… who’s the attention whore now, nick?
http://www.myspace.com/i_regret_this_url_already
January 14th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
nice
January 14th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
I believe it was Will Smith who pointed out that Hitler really had some good ideas about curb-stomping meat-eaters before he got sidetracked with that whole Final Solution bit. (I blame Marlon Brando and his persuasive anti-Semitic arguments.)
January 14th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Trying to ban ideas and metaphors? You know who liked to do that? Hitler.
January 14th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Regardless of issue, just about any metaphor involving the holocaust is cheap, easy, and stupid. Find a new metaphor people. There are lots of them out there.
January 14th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
I hereby ban the use of the phrase “curb stomping.” It makes me cringe.
January 14th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Shadizzle: Just because we think that human life is a little more important than animal life in general (just a little), doesn’t make us ‘fucking morons’. It might make us close-minded and cruel, and anthropocentric, but that is a value judgement. I am a fucking moron though, I just wish you’d get the reason correct.
I completely disagree with the way we handle livestock, and I wish it would change. I wouldn’t curb stomp people to make it happen though. That is where you and I differ.
January 14th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
I was eating a delicious vegetarian stirfry while eating all of this. Yum, yum, yum.
Don’t worry, I’m not from PETA, I just like destroying plant life.
January 14th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Swaim, for reasons known to everyone, and no matter how tempted you may be, do not further blog on the diarrhea/KFC issue.
January 14th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
So wait… they want us to cut down a forest to heat our homes instead of using clean burning Natural Gas?
Mmmm… deer jerky… so very good!!!!
January 14th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Shadizzle, During the research for this, I was watching some PETA video about the “chicken holocaust,” and I WILL admit the video of the chickens getting their beaks cut off are disgusting. I have no problem with the IDEA of not torturing animals, and I’m fine boycotting KFC (for unrelated reasons involving diarrhea). It’s about balance. When you become all agitated and violent (like your post), it tends to polarize, which is the exact way NOT to get shit done. If you want to save the ecosystems, stop screaming and just quietly do something constructive. People will be a LOT more likely to follow suit, trust me.
January 14th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
I just find it amusing that any veggie thinks they even have the strength to lift their legs never mind crush someones skull on a curb.
January 14th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Save a cow: Eat a vegetarian
January 14th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Ladies and gentleman, the first PETA dickwad of the blogging season.
January 14th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Ah the sweet sweet banter of fucking morons that have no clue how an ecosystem works and thinks nothing is related and every animal is here for their personal whim to do with what they will.
How I enjoy smashing your skulls on the curb for sport-now THAT’s hunting!!!
January 14th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
PG: Wait a second. You’re telling me I flew all the way to Kentucky to get some of your fried chicken, and-and the Colonel isn’t even working today?
KFC Employee: He ain’t real. He dead.
PG: What?
KFC Employee: I say he dead.
PG: IS MR. SANDERS IN?
KFC Employee: What wrong wid you? I say you he dead.
PG: THE COLONEL!
January 14th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Hey Glenn, the kicker is wood-burning stoves are illegal in the UK.
They are considered a health-hazard, since the UK is a ’smoke free zone’.
January 14th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Just a point about terminology: Don’t use “environmentalist” when you mean “anti-meat wacko.” I consider myself a green-leaning kind of guy and the only thing that tastes better than grilled beef is venison I’ve hunted myself.
PETA is to environmentalism what snake handlers are to religion.
January 14th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
I love veal.
January 14th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
@Ross:
Funny stuff. Bringing back the milkman could also potentially solved the fertility problems that many couples seem to have. And wood stoves…good god. Could you imagine the fucking smoke in a densely populated area? We don’t live on the frontier for christsakes.
January 14th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
also, they’d buried the remains of the old woman they graverobbed in various locations in various tuppaware containers. how embarrassingly tacky.
January 14th, 2008 at 11:53 am
as yet another brit (coming over here, stealing valuable comment space from johnny hamburger) i recall those graverobbing animal rights activists and that it was in fact a relative of the people who owned the farm
we’re moving in on your country’s dominance of the “oh those silly yokels…” market too, what with us also being the country where another misguided angry mob vandalised the home of a paediatrician, as they presumably weren’t familiar with the greek etymology that explains the rather large differences between paediatrician and paedophile
sorry for pointlessly mentioning the greek etymology, but i felt i had to make up for our moronic animal rights groups and clueless paedofinder general
http://youtube.com/watch?v=UvsoVdvtZC4
January 14th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Well, one benefit to having these groups in existence is that they make mainstream environmental groups seem reasonable by comparison and then these mainstream groups can get more done within the system. I know that’s not the intention of the PETA-freaks - but it is the result.
Ummm . . . fart?!?
January 14th, 2008 at 11:42 am
It pisses me off that people with good intentions can turn out believing a massive pile of horse crap. I blame misinformation, particularly when it comes to veganism and diet.
Also, I read in a newspaper the other day a selection of tips on how to help combat climate change. It was all pretty good simple stuff like insulating your house better or walking on short journeys instead of driving. Then they suggested getting a milkman, instead of driving to a store to buy milk, and installing a wood-burning stove.
For one thing, can you just ‘get’ a milkman? I assumed it was some sort of service they provided. The wood-burning stove idea makes it seem that they are suggesting we go back to the 1930s. Maybe next we’ll break out horse-drawn carts, or maybe a nice simple chariot.
Hell, let’s go back and uninvent the fucking wheel, that’ll keep emissions down.
January 14th, 2008 at 10:44 am
I agree Swaim. I hate it when people that I generally agree with (earth is good, no senseless killing of things) use faulty reasoning and generally behave retardedly. The ’cause’ would be better off if they never existed, like how that guy on Star Trek imagined that a whole race of people never existed, and then they like all died or some shit. Like that. I am sure that they would gladly sacrifice themselves to save one turkey vulture.
January 14th, 2008 at 9:25 am
Or how about PETA writing the jail where an inmate is being housed – accused of killing and eating his girlfriend– to ask that he be put on a vegetarian diet so he’s involved in no more senseless killing.
That’s a link to my silly show which has it’s final episode tomorrow.
I covered the FDA cloning thing there too.
January 14th, 2008 at 8:39 am
“The harpoons the Japanese use are tipped with explosives, so no matter what the ultimate outcome of this whole thing is, there’s a good chance it’s going to spawn some entertaining Youtube clips.”
Fantastic stuff Swaim - you’ve hit the nail on the head. PETA in particular are total fucking morons…about a year ago I saw some program on TV here in the UK about some animal rights activists. One of them (who clearly had a room temperature IQ) said that a chicken’s life meant as much as a humans…they also went as far as stealing the dead body from the grave of some woman who used to own a fur farm.
They have some arguments that normal, sensible people can agree with, but they totally fuck themselves over by being dickheads over loads of other stuff.
January 14th, 2008 at 8:35 am
The BBC correspondant aboard the Greenpeance ship is called Jonah Fisher, which could only possibly be more awesome if he had be named Ahab Whaler.