3 The Elephantnose Fish Has X-Ray Vision (or at Least Smell)
The elephantnose fish is actually misnamed: The appendage that gives it its name is actually coming out of its chin, not its nose, and it actually looks like a dick, not an elephant trunk. The dickchin fish (that's better) spends most of its life in complete darkness, only venturing out at night -- would you come out in broad daylight looking like you've been growing a zit for the past six months?
Or like you're a few thousand years too late to the Egyptian chin-piece fad.
However, there's actually a far cooler reason for their nocturnal habits ...
That unsightly thing on its face is actually wired with electricity, and it serves as the fish's own highly advanced metal detector. The elephantnose fish uses its face-phallus to find its prey, even if it's buried in mud or hiding in the dark, by generating an electric field that becomes distorted by nearby objects, giving the fish an accurate reading of its surroundings. It's like if Daredevil was part cyborg, and awesome.
And if he sprouted chinitals.
The electrical charge is generated on a special organ on the fish's tail, then measured by receptors in its chin-wang. These receptors are so advanced that they can differentiate exact shapes, materials, sizes, volumes and distances (within millimeters). As it sweeps the ocean floor, the fish can even "sense" if the buried microscopic insects it detects are dead or alive -- dead things store electrical charges differently than live things, and the appendage can measure that sort of thing. Which is fortunate, because dickchin feeds on the carcasses of dead larvae.
Joachim S. Mueller
It's like in that movie where the kid sensed dead people, then ate their corpses.
The schnauzenorgan, as some scientists call it, is also used for mating: Each elephantnose subspecies has a slightly different electrical charge, and the females can actually tell them apart and are more attracted to the ones emitted by their own kind. What they do with that thing after that, we'd rather not know.
2 The Klipspringer Can Jump Across Cliffs
The klipspringer is a type of African antelope that walks on the tips of its toes, as if trying not to wake up other animals that don't look like complete pansies. It's impossible to watch it mincing around without instantly hearing the appropriate cartoon sound effect.
The Featured Creature
That's not its fur, that's its mascara running from all the bullying.
While all hoofed animals technically walk on their toes, the klipspringer is the only one that touches the ground with the very tips. In human terms, that's like a ballerina dancing on her toenails instead of her feet, and looks about as threatening.
Plantigrade locomotion is for failures.
"Klipspringer" literally means "rock jumper," because that's exactly what those special hooves allow it to do. Look at this thing leaping about from rock to rock like it's got actual springs in those things:
And that's nothing -- they have the ability to jump as high as 25 feet (or 15 times their height). Notice how its legs are always together when it lands on a new place? That's not an accident: The hooves allow it to land on surface areas no larger than a silver dollar with all four legs. This means you'll often see klipspringers in high, small, impossible to reach places and wonder how the hell they even got there (especially because they're also pretty agile, so they could have been standing right next to you two seconds ago).
"All right, Scotty, beam me out of here."
The secret is that their hooves are actually rubbery underneath, allowing them to leap onto rocky surfaces without slipping, or just stay on them as if defying all laws of nature. The only question now is why Marvel hasn't created an X-Men character named Klipspringer yet.
Move over, Wolverine.