Lots of people have their own personal diet plans, and nutritionists don't always agree on which one is best. Nutritionists do agree that everything on this list is a bad idea, but some outstanding individuals have managed to damn nature and logic enough to survive on some seemingly fatal meal regimens. And by that we mean ...
"Those Nazis, they've got a real handle on this 'peace' thing."
Things only got weirder at dinner time ...
Although one of the wealthiest men of his time, Henry Ford could not have been less interested in food. Having made his living designing cars, he came to see the human digestive system as a kind of combustion engine that just needed fuel, and as far as he was concerned, that fuel was all around him.
Ford and Hitler: Proof that all vegetarians are racists.
Following that logic, he decided there was no point visiting the grocery store when his garden was full of weeds that were just sitting there being useless.
Ford was a good friend of George Washington Carver, the famous ex-slave botanist, who knew the nutrition that many of these misfit plants offered if only one had the stomach and lack of dignity. Henry Ford was that man, and so Carver and Ford took to regularly eating sandwiches stuffed with random weeds, freshly plucked straight from the ground and seasoned with mustard.
"You can have any sandwich you want, as long as it's riddled with pesticides."
Ford's "roadside greens," as he would call them, were offered as salads and stews, sandwiches and boiled monstrosities -- much to the chagrin of his wife, friends and even hapless guests who were just thankful that he never thought to explore the nutritional properties of earwax.
Lemmy Kilmister is the 66-year-old frontman of Motorhead, an all around hard rock legend and a lifelong poster boy for friendly mutton chops. He is one of the very few true rock 'n' roll icons of the olden times who not only still grace the land of the living, but also are actually still actively doing their thing.
Here, the alpha male violently disposes of the pretender.
He is also, with the possible exception of Keith Richards, by far the most unlikely person to actually do so.
Jack Daniels, meat, cheese, drugs.
Lemmy drinks at least one bottle of whiskey a day, and he's done it for over 35 years. The food he consumes is equally unhealthy: He loathes vegetables and eats mainly meats and cheese, with the occasional cake or biscuit thrown in, administered on a "however much he likes, whenever he likes it" basis. He's been smoking since he was 11. He does copious amounts of drugs daily, and has done so for decades.
What, no 'ludes?
If that sounds like the lifestyle of every rock star on earth, you're partially right. But what sets Lemmy apart is his apparent good health. His liver is completely fine. As are his kidneys. And lungs. In fact, the man is pretty much as healthy as he's ever been -- the few times he's actually been ill have been everyday performer stuff such as a lung infection and stage dehydration. Even then, he continues to maintain a schedule that would exhaust a person half his age.
His beard survives by absorbing other beards.
There is some evidence that he is only human, though: Sometimes, when the concert conditions get unbearably sweaty, he is known to hydrate by adding a couple of extra ice cubes to his onstage Jack and Coke.
Explorer, scientist, possessor of extraordinary beards, Charles Darwin is one of the most recognizable names of the 19th century. You'd think you'd have to really love animals to study them for so long and in so much depth. And you'd be right.
Darwin really loved animals.
The entire evolutionary ladder.
"Would a monkey eat his own ancestor? Damn right he would."
Charles Darwin ate a sample of any and every animal he discovered. During his studies at Cambridge University he joined the Gourmet Club, whose mission statement was to go forth and eat as many rare and unusual animals as possible. It was basically a 19th century Epic Meal Time.
He enjoyed his time with them so much that when he set off in the Beagle for South America, he ate everything -- armadillo ("Tastes like duck"), agouti and veal. Oh wait, did we say veal? We meant a meat that Darwin thought to be veal that later turned out to be puma.
"My conclusion is: chicken. We're all descended from chickens."
Nothing quite sums up Darwin's rampant attempted extinction of South American fauna by way of his digestive system like his search for the lesser Rhea, an animal known to exist but that had not been studied by science. After weeks of chasing the bird in what we can only assume was a Wile E. Coyote/Roadrunner-like sequence, he gave up and settled down to a nice meal of greater Rhea. He was half way through it when he realized he was actually eating a lesser Rhea, gathered up what he hadn't eaten and sent it to England for study.
The official natural state of the Rhea is flame-grilled and tooth-marked.
Darwin didn't always manage to stop eating the animals he was supposed to be studying, though. Of the 48 giant tortoises brought back on the Beagle by Darwin, not a single one actually made it off the ship.
We've already discussed the ways in which Mussolini, the Italian dictator and slightly embarrassing third arm of the Axis powers in World War II, resembles a wannabe comic book supervillain. But along with his more nefarious quirks, there was at least one aspect of his eccentric personality that made him seem downright adorable, namely ...
Milk and crackers.
Cookies made him too hyperactive, and no one wants a bouncy mass murderer.
Behind his state-enforced front of never being ill or tired and being free of all addictions and vices, Mussolini was secretly nurturing what is perhaps the most pathetic addiction in the history of mankind. Insiders say that he suffered from chronic stomach pain, and the only thing that brought him relief was drinking gallons of milk. He preferred this over every other form of nourishment to such an extent that for a whole year, he actually subsisted almost entirely on milk and crackers.
Understandably, he felt the need to hide his crippling lactose habit from the public. The cover story was that he was a kind of humble, dignified leader who didn't have time or interest in the luxuries of food.
Constipation and fascism go together like, well, milk and crackers.
Nevertheless, his diet eventually messed up his health just as badly as if he'd lived on bacon and Mountain Dew. Turns out milk alone doesn't exactly cover a balanced cross section of the food pyramid, and therefore Mussolini, in his later years, found himself bedridden with an inflamed liver and constipation-inducing calcium knots all over his intestines.
For maybe the first time in history, his doctors actually had to wean him off milk like it was a narcotic, a tactic that even Mussolini himself, in a rare bout of levelheadedness, was forced to admit was a pretty good move.
And then he ate his hat.