5 Adorable Animals That Are Turning to the Dark Side

#2. Bunnies

The Good

Oh, Jesus, look at the bunnies!

Bunnies are what you get when a cotton ball has sex with a stuffed animal. There is no possible way a bunny could do anything that isn't precious.

The Evil

Armando Del Manso believed his dog was responsible for the dead snakes showing up with teeth marks all over them each morning. They were brown snakes, after all, which are what you would expect an Australian snake to be -- huge, poisonous and freaking everywhere. Then one night he heard something being horribly murdered nearby and pointed his spotlight in the general direction of the horrible gurgling. That's when he saw two wild rabbits attacking a king brown snake, which are presumably discernible from regular brown snakes because they are huge and played by The Rock.


Finally, a role that matches his emotional depth perfectly.

Apparently, living on an island filled with spiders, crocodiles and terror can turn even the Easter Bunny into Freddy Krueger. But those rabbits were more "evil genius" than the disturbing, lurking sociopaths that have made up the rest of this list so far. In Linz, Australia, however, a hare, presumably after watching too much Monty Python, decided to attack an elderly woman while she hung her laundry.

The little bastard made hit-and-run attacks at the woman's ankle, causing her to fall. When her husband came to see why she was screaming, he was attacked as well. He fought off the crazed rabbit with a stick, and police later reported that when they arrived, the hare was winning. Even in the face of an armed cavalry, the bunny did not relent in its attack, and in order to stop the furry insanity, they had to shoot it.


In their defense, that rabbit was dynamite.

And then there's the story of the hick out on a canoe, fishing, when a hissing rabbit swam to his boat, teeth bared, and attacked until the brave yokel beat it away with his oar and some well-placed splashing. Since things don't get much more ridiculous than amphibious assault bunnies, everyone pretty much called bullshit, and that was that. Well, until a few years later, when a White House photographer produced images of the event. What was he doing there? Well, the yokel happened to be Jimmy Carter, then president of the United States, and apparent battler of what he referred to as "swamp rabbits."

Apparently there are aggressive, angry rabbits that are so terrifying, we won't believe they exist even after they attack our president.

#1. Mice

The Good

Without exception, every last iteration of mice in popular culture has been adorable. Mickey Mouse? Jerry? That little blonde Rescue Ranger we all had an odd furry crush on as a kid? Sure, they can destroy our furniture and poop in our food, but it's not like they are vicious monsters.


It's an all-in-one home and bathroom!

The Evil

A few years back, scientists noticed the mice of Gough Island in the South Atlantic were getting larger and more aggressive. They also noticed that the bird population was taking a nosedive. But these were regular house mice. The kind you catch with a piece of cheese. That live in the little half-circle hole in your kitchen wall. Surely the two phenomena couldn't be related.

Actually, they were. The mice were eating birds 300 times their size. They were burrowing into their nests, straight through the feathers and skin and on into the sweet, sweet innards.


As illustrated by this adorable little present.

The scientists even captured this video. Be warned, this is likely the most disturbing video you will ever see of mice outside of some bizarre niche hentai featuring Mickey and Minnie.

What you see there is an albatross, resigned to its fate of being devoured alive by a swarm of giant mice. Mice that are giant because they've figured out that the birds don't have the energy to stop all of them, and that they can feed off of, and even inside of the birds for months before they keel over.

Fortunately, this is a tiny isolated island off in the middle of the ocean. Unfortunately, in both Australia and Russia, mice have started viewing the elderly in much the same way: tasty, succulent and ill-equipped to defend themselves.


"All right, Mitch. As soon as she pulls out the coupon book, we rush."

In a southwest Queensland nursing home, an 89-year-old veteran was found bleeding from his hands, ears, neck and head. The mice had become bold because the government had banned the spraying of mouse-killing agents around health facilities. That's apparently all it takes to bring on a population explosion and apparently the rapid evolution of massive mouse balls.

In Russia, in the city of Tver, the mice and rats became so plentiful that they needed a new source of food, and sleeping humans were just the sort of thing they could include on the menu. Unlike the Australian rodents, the ones in the former Soviet Union are plenty happy attacking healthy adults in their sleep.


In former Soviet Union, mouse traps you! Why do you laugh? I was being serious.
My aunt is missing and my children fear the night.

Apparently mouse traps and yearly spraying are all that's stopping us from being living, breathing, screaming edible housing for mice.

Sweet dreams!

David blogs at Death and Other Funny Stuff, writes for Funnycrave, and is the author of the ridiculous unedited sci-fi novel, Shorty.

Now learn about some animals that used to be awesome, in 11 Modern Technologies That Are Way Older Than You Think. Or check out some more tiny terrors in The 6 Deadliest Creatures (That Can Fit In Your Shoe).

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