Man, there just isn't much of a downside to a good crap: It gives us time alone, to think, to read--to better ourselves in a plethora of ways. Pooping is what most of us in the Western world do instead of meditating. Aside from the occasional bathroom that must be exorcised, burned and the Earth beneath it salted so that nothing might ever grow on that accursed land again, there's no downside to a good, solid (sorry) bowel movement, right?
Truly, a spiritual experience.
Oh god, there is so much. But don't worry, straining to force it out isn't fatal or anything--you might just get away with a mere crippling injury. All that straining can cause diverticulitis (Caution! Picture!), hemorrhoids (Caution! Another picture!) and rectal prolapse (Thank Christ, no picture). Diverticulitis is a condition where pockets in your small intestine become filled with blood, which can then burst, filling your bowels with blood and your blood with dook, and extra bacteria in your body is never a good thing. Hemorrhoids are well known enough that we can just skip over disturbing, intimate descriptions of them (they're like varicose veins in your asshole) but rectal prolapse? That's the kind of injury that makes John Carpenter weep.
It is a weakening of the ligaments that hold your intestines together, and in the worst case scenario, your intestine comes loose and hangs out your anus. Oh, we're sorry; we should've capitalized that. That should read "The Worst Case Scenario," because crapping out intestines is the worst thing that can happen in any possible situation. DO NOT DO A GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH FOR THIS.
Look, a puppy!
Luckily you can avoid all that by... oh, wait. There's not much you can do to avoid it, aside from never, ever straining, or you know, never pooping again.
No one is entirely sure why we do it, but everyone does it a few times a day at the least. So how could something as innocent as a yawn be dangerous? It's called temporomandibular dislocation, which is an eight dollar way to say "dislocated jaw." When you yawn, you open your mouth (Cracked is informative!) good and wide, and if for some reason the ligaments in that area are a little loose, your jaw bone can come straight out of the joint. Seriously: You could yawn right now (and the more we mention it the more likely it is) and half of your face could very well explode out of the other half of your face, like a goddamn cartoon skeleton.
Yawning: The Sleepy Terror!
This condition can result in "significant discomfort" according to the experts. If you're picturing somebody prying your jaw open so far until your face tears apart, you're probably replying, "No significant shit, experts!"
But hey, since yawning doesn't seem to serve any purpose, just don't do it! Especially not... right... now!
Man, wouldn't that feel good right about now?