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We've all done embarrassing things while sleeping. Maybe you drank too much Tang and wet the bed. Maybe you had to share a sleeping bag with grandma and she woke you up because you had a boner--we've all been there.
But trust us, it can get way, way worse than that. There are records of people who, in their sleep... #7.
Climb a 13-Story Crane
One night, London police were called about a possible suicide attempt on the counterweight of a crane at a construction project, where a young girl was perched precariously 130 feet in the air. So while helpful passersby probably shouted words of encouragement or took bets on how big the splat would be, a fireman climbed the crane to try to talk her down, only to find her sleeping.
That's right, the 15-year-old girl was sleepwalking so hard she climbed a fucking crane. Anyone who's ever had a flying dream knows that your unconscious mind sometimes gets sick of being trapped on this shithole your waking mind calls the ground. Her mind just decided to do something about it. Unfortunately, when the firefighter found her, she'd sleepwalked out onto a narrow beam and was in danger of having history's most realistic "falling dream" followed immediately by the much less common "having your body collected with a huge cartoon spatula dream." Not wanting to alarm her and make her fall, the fireman did what any responsible public servant would and went through her personal belongings. He found her cell phone and gave her folks a call. Together, they hatched a plan to get the girl to safety. The fire fighter hung up and the parents called back, waking her up.
Apparently the girl was unlike most teenagers, and did not have an indignation-seizure at the sight of a call from her parents. Two and a half hours later, she'd safely ridden a hydraulic lift back to the ground. Her parents noted to the press that she had a long history of sleepwalking and in their dry British wit wondered aloud what she'd climb up next. At which point some crude public servant nearby probably quipped, "Probably up some strange gentleman's dick, old chap!" He of course would be referring to actual cases where sleepwalkers... #6.
Have Sex With Strangers
In Australia, a middle-aged woman had a quirky habit. She would wake up in the middle of the night, leave her house and fuck various strangers. This proved once again that a woman doesn't even have to be conscious to pick up dudes.
After months of her husband waking up to find their home littered with used condoms (and once finding his snoring spouse being actively nailed by a stranger) the wife and the world's most trusting spouse decided to get medical help. Doctors were no doubt reluctant to believe the story, most likely thinking instead that the husband was suffering from one of the world's worst cases of gullible retardation. But the couple's anxiety over the incidents paired with a detailed examination proved that, sure enough, her actions were completely involuntary and a strange mixture of hot and creepy.
The condition, called Sleep Sex because doctors aren't the most creative people in the world, is caused by an REM behavioral disorder. The part of your mind that is supposed to stop you from moving when you're dreaming doesn't kick in, thus allowing you to actually act out your dreams.
Why that seems to only manifest itself in the form of porking strangers is anyone's guess. Though it presumably is easier to act out that kind of dream as opposed to the one where you and Urkel team up for a kung fu battle with Satan. #5.
Get a DUI, Pee on the Road and Assault a Cop
On a frigid Denver night in 2003, a quiet and unassuming nurse took an Ambien and went to bed. And then, shit got real. While still asleep, she got up, slugged down half a bottle of wine and got into her car only wearing a nightshirt in 20 degree weather. Drunken, sleep driving nurses are hardcore.
Because traffic rules are different when you're both drunk and asleep, she wrecked her car at an intersection, figured this was now the bathroom and popped a squat on the road. Two fully awake police officers, unaware of the finer points of drunken sleep pissing, came to arrest her, so she assaulted them because fuck those guys. Prosecutors let her plead to just a reckless driving charge, though even that seems unfair if she was unconscious the whole time. It's almost like they were unclear as to exactly what parts of the ordeal the woman was asleep for, versus the parts where she was awake and just decided to go with the flow.
Less pissy but equally angry at the waking world was British house painter Sean Joyce, who, by the way, also took an Ambien before snoozing on a flight from Charlotte, NC to London. Drowning his sorrows for being British, Joyce then drank two glasses of wine before falling asleep. This is the point in the story where you can assume things turned out poorly. Joyce jumped out of his seat, tore off his shirt like The Hulk and stormed around the plane cabin threatening to kill himself and other passengers. Joyce claimed he remembered none of it, and got off with five days time served. #4.
Gorge Oneself
When Anna Ryan inexplicably gained 60 pounds, she sought medical help. Her doctor presumably checked to make sure she hadn't taken up competitive eating--or had maybe been substituting bacon for water in most of her recipes--before finally getting the idea to set up a sleep study.
Ryan was surprised to learn she was eating while asleep, but not in the midnight snack sort of way. She actually got up in the middle of the night, grabbed a box of Little Debbies and, one by one, ate every single chocolaty, cream-filled snack cake right there in her bed, all while still asleep. If her dreams involved hot dogs on a conveyor belt we'll never know. The condition is cleverly called "sleep eating" and it's more common in women than men--presumably because if a guy subconsciously wants to eat a whole box of Little Debbies during the day, he doesn't repress it. He just shrugs and starts unwrapping that shit.
Luckily for those who unknowingly whip up a fondue at 3am and then promptly consume it while muttering about how they're at work without pants, medication is available to sleep eaters. There are also nutritional exercises which, without looking into it any further, we figure involve squat thrusts while making sandwiches. Though it seems like all of that is a lot of trouble when a simple refrigerator alarm would do the trick. |
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I too have had many interesting sleepwalking "adventures". I've pissed INTO the toilet, after getting naked of course, as well as attempt to puke into a toilet missing completely and giving the walls a fabulous new look.. while not even feeling ill.. Am I bulimic in my sleep? Possibly.
Once while my boyfriend was sleeping, he walked over, picked up my Fallout 3 DVD, and said, "No! These are supposed to be recipes for the homeless!" Then, he wouldn't go back to bed until I made him a cheese sammich.
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I'll be honest, I've used to have quite a few weird sleep walking episodes when I was young. The worst one I can remember I had walked outside and was mid way through pissing into the garden when I woke up, I can't say I wasn't surprised standing there with my dick in my hand while my parents were looking at me and having a great f*cking laugh.
Wow I thought I did some crazy things while I was sleeping. I must say tho it sucks when you don't remember having sex. I guess that could be a good thing because you might not want to know who you did or did you lol. www.bluecollardates.com Where Hard Working Singles Meet
get some john XD
Mike Birbiglia is awesome: "A few years ago, I was moving a new bed into my apartment, and this woman who lived in the building opened the front door for me with her key. She said, 'I'm not worried because a rapist wouldn't have a bed like that.' That's how she started the conversation. Now, what I should have said was nothing. What I did say was, 'You'd be surprised.'"
The things people do in their sleep after taking Ambien deserves their own whole article. I took it years ago and stopped after yes, putting on about 30 pounds from sleep eating over several months , and once hopping in the car and driving several miles to my parents house to finish the night on their sofa, all while fast asleep.
How interesting. I come on this site for the first time in a few days, click on 'All recent articles' and get-redirected to http://us.chinaontv.com/sex_museum/index.html. Seriously, WTF? How the f**k did that happen?
"Her doctor presumably checked to make sure she hadn't taken up competitive eating--or had maybe been substituting bacon for water in most of her recipes--before finally getting the idea to set up a sleep study." omg funniest line ever
"...a woman doesn't even have to be conscious to pick up dudes." This is true. Women have it so much easier it's laughably childish when any one of them screams for "equal rights". Honey, men are effectively second-class citizens nowadays. You got nothing to whine about. I swear, nasty bunch of greedy harridans you lot are.
Erica Cantin, I applaud you. Super stuff.
i once baught a crapload of silver jewelery online, with my parents' credit card, while i was asleep. there is no way they would have beleived me except it was all womens jewelery and im a man.
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My friends recommended me a very interesting place __AgelessFriends.com__ It's a nice and free place for Younger Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Age gap is not a problem there. You may wanna check it out and tell your friends.
I once had an in depth conversation with my mother about a supermarket manager not letting dinosaurs into the store because he didn't want them as customers, all whilst she was asleep. It was the funniest thing I've ever experienced. She responded very clearly to my questions until I actually woke her up and told her about it. She didn't remember a thing.
I rearranged my bedroom furniture in my sleep. It didn't work out. Had to move it all back in the morning, but I was still exhausted.
The Beatles reference is just wrong, that picture is disturbing i mean come on, who in their right mind would want to see Yoko Ono....ever. This is the what, twelfth article about sleep disorder? Come on, get it together.
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