7 Songs From Your Grandpa's Day That Would Make Eminem Blush
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Your grandparents are full of crap. As they grumble about how rap music is destroying civilization, what they don't mention is that the blues they were listening to in the 30s and 40s could be every bit as violent, sexually explicit and sometimes just downright insane as the worst gansta rap has to offer. Compared to some of these vintage lyrics the members of N.W.A are levelheaded concerned citizens, and Eminem's a regular damned feminist. #7.
Skip James Cuts a Woman in Half ("22-20 Blues" - 1931)
"22-20 Blues" tells the tale of a woman who just won't get her act straight. See, Skip James sent for her, on several occasions, and yet she didn't show up! The brazen audacity! Of course, in the world of blues, there's only one way to deal with minor punctuality issues: brutal, brutal murder.
A Few Choice Quotes
Sometimes she gets unruly;
Your .38 Special;
Shooting your woman with a mere .38 pistol? That's for pussies. Ironically James soon found himself humbled when Robert Johnson recorded a far more popular version of his song. The only real change Johnson made? He upped the caliber and named it the "32-20 Blues." It was all about the gun size with those boys. #6.
Lucille Bogan Fucks Corpses ("Shave 'Em Dry" - 1935)
Looking at a picture of Lucille Bogan, it's easy to imagine her as the motherly type, making breakfast and scolding you for your dirty mouth; but in reality beneath the modest exterior was the queen of the "dirty blues," and the writer of such classics as "Sloppy Drunk Blues," "Tricks Ain't Walkin' No More" and the "Bull Dyke Women's Blues."
Her most infamous song was "Shave 'Em Dry," a three-minute ode to her own humping prowess so filthy it would Lil' Kim blush. A Few Choice Quotes I got nipples on my titties, big as the end of my thumb;
You know it's a good song when the first two lines reference necrophilia and giant freak nipples. Say I fucked all night, and all the night before baby;
You know how people ask which dead celebrity you'd like to meet if you could? We submit Lucille Bogan for your consideration.
Now your nuts hang down like a damn bell sapper;
Er, actually we take that back. #5.
King Solomon Hill Sentences a Woman to Devil Rape ("Whoopee Blues" - 1932)
"Whoopee Blues" is another song about a poor blues man having to deal with a mean mistreating woman. King Solomon Hill isn't one to settle for mere murder though, he wants his woman sent to hell to do it with the Devil--which strikes us as just a tad judgmental. We're no theologians, but we're pretty sure slashing your girlfriend to death with a razor is pretty much a one-way ticket to becoming Satan's bitch.
A Few Choice Quotes
Tell me you been gone all day, that you may make whoopee all night;
I said, Undertaker been here and gone, I gave him your height and size;
Apparently undertakers didn't ask a whole lot of questions back then.
Baby, you done made me love you, now I got me for your slave;
Ahhh, now we see. He did it because he cared too much! #4.
Josie Miles Terrorizes a City ("Mad Mama Blues" - 1924)
Obviously violence against women was a bit of an unfortunate theme of early blues; but, as Josie Miles shows, female blues singers didn't shrink from a bit of insane violence either. Josie doesn't even need a reason. In "Mad Mama Blues" she's out to wreck the city like Godzilla in a cocktail dress and there's nothing you can do to stop it. A Few Choice Quotes
Now I could see blood runnin';
"Hello?! 9-11? Quick! You have to... oh God, she's coming!"
Give me gunpowder;
"It's Josie Miles!"
I took my big Winchester;
"Send the police! The national guard! Before it's too... arrrraaghaghh!"
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All of these songs are f*****g weird, except for "Butcher Pete". Man, That song makes Fallout 3 battles have a lot of energy to them
Is it just me or are all of these musicians Black?
Really nice post!!thanks friend I am very happy to see this..any way I know a another fantastic site where you can upload your self-produced video,picture,music in uploaded.tv and be on real TV.
lol.. To the scholars pointing out the brilliant observation that Butcher Pete has a second, super-hidden sexual meaning (gasp!):
"...'Butcher Pete' is about a guy who goes around the countryside 'chopping up all the women's meat' with his 'long sharp knife.' Get it? This is a rare example where hiding the sexual content behind double entendres and innuendo..."
So, yes, we got it. We got it when we read the lyrics, and if we missed it ourselves we got it when the author of the article pointed it out.
The second part of Butcher Pete has some rather hilarious lyrics as well:
"Well, they let ole Pete out of the jail
He went back to his store
All the women who payed his bail
Were waitin' on Pete to chop some more
There's an old woman, who's ninety-two
Lives down the street
She said, one thing more I wanna do
Is find ole Pete and let him chop my meat."
@AboveUp
Let's just go to Europe where violence is more easily censored (especially in Germany) but you can see naked chicks on TV at noon.
What ever happened to wholesome race records like "I'll bring the hot dog, you bring the bun" Yes, it really exsists. And to give proper racial balance you have to go back to when our forefathers were NOT in charge. Pull up the complete original lyrics of Yankee Doodle. Yes! They're singing about nookie!
woo! butcher pete was awsome in fallout 3!
Useless bit of trivia: The title of "If Youse is a Viper" comes from a comic strip Parlor Bedroom and Sink a very humorous soap opera strip by Billy de Beck which ran atop the Sunday version of Barney Google. "Youse is a Viper" became a somewhat popular catchphrase (at least in the strip) when it was said by the baby Bunker Hill Jr. (aka Bunky). In this context it meant someone who was "poisonous" or evil. (ex. Girl: Gee you're a nice guy but I think I can do a lot better. We can still be friends though, right?" Guy: "Youse is a viper!")
Butcher Pete is actually a song about Pete having sex with all the women and raping his cellmate. Apparently it was deemed less offensive to write about murdering people than it was to write about having sex, so they changed it.
Come on guys, you cant even find a picture of a real joint for #3? EFFORT PEOPLE!!
Maybe this hasn't been mentioned, but Butcher Pete's may have been vulgar in a whole different way.
I meant that he porked every woman in town, and in prison, he raped the other inmates. Anyway, awesome song to shoot people too in Fallout 3.
Oh, and socially aware rap is always better (99 Problems and Gangsta's Paradise etc)
It IS where rap descended from... although I will agree with goostmaster that the talent has completely left the music. You can't have "crap" without "rap"
While I agree with you, Mr. Cracked Article Writer Man, that these songs do display certain attributes in their lyrics which people complain about in rap, i have to disagree with you on the whole "grandparents full of crap" thing.
You see, its not about the lyrics, its about the fact that the examples you put for are in fact "music" contrary to "rap" which is in no way shape or form musical, nor does it require musical talent or any sort of talent whatsoever. And the fact that rappers are making obscene amounts of money on their shined up logorrhea which they label music pisses me right the f**k off.
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Yeah, it's not racist enough, where's the Asian representation?
I don't think that Josie MIles pic is really a photograph.
Didn't anyone notice it's in color??
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I would love to say that I am shocked with all the racist commentary on here but, let's face it, this is the internet and the median IQ in some countries remains in the double digits. I am sure it really can't be helped. I will, however, add that I hope you racists pukes die horrible and painful deaths such as aforementioned in this article. Right after you read Alex Haley's "Roots". Your care of the entirety of the human race makes you less than everyone else, so congratulations. Enjoy whatever terrible karmatic breezes waft your way.
Aside from that, thanks for a very entertaining article. I liked the additional funny comments like, "Cause old ladies need chopping too" or some such. I liked this one a lot, and thank you for sharing.
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I've got the complete recordings of Skip James. His music is probably the scariest thing you could ever hear.