Dogs

It got cut from the Book of Genesis, but religious scholars maintain that God himself said “Who's a good dog?whosagooddog?YOUARE!YESYOUARE!” the moment the first dog was created. This instant rejection is presumably why the Creator made sure dogs have superpowers. Dogs and people have the best of homies throughout the eons: dogs are good hunting partners, dogs have sick dance moves, and according to 19th-century science, dogs don't have to be narcs. Look, we're not here to settle the dog/cat debate, there's too much partisanship in the world today without dragging pets into conflicts. But we're very pro-dog around here.

Just, please…talk to your dog normally.