The Top 25 Pieces of Movie Merchandise Too Awesome To Exist

Between those sad plastic light sabers and the even sadder Vote for Pedro shirts, the movie merchandise industry clearly doesn't try very hard. Here are 25 tie-in products that we'd buy if only Hollywood had the balls to make them.
The Top 25 Pieces of Movie Merchandise Too Awesome To Exist

Between those sad plastic light sabers and the even sadder Vote for Pedro shirts, the movie merchandise industry clearly doesn't try very hard.

We asked you about the merchandise that would exist if only Hollywood had the balls to make it, and offered money to whoever could photoshop the most ball-flatteningly awesome example.

DIETRICH TORT MELT YOUR OWN! RAIDER WAX lo57 RRA NAZIS CRACKED.COM
The Top 25 Pieces of Movie Merchandise Too Awesome To Exist
JASON BOURNE'S HOMEMADE CAN OF ALMIGHTY WHUP-ASS ENERGY DRINK GRACKED.OM
AGES 5+ 262103 aet WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD-Snail parts Nof for chddren under 3 years Philip Seymour Hoffman capote CRACKEDCOME
IOREK BYRNISON Life-Size! Remote-Controlled! Battenes not included CRACKED.cM
WArDisNEy FNCHANTE Little Dress Maker Kit CRACKED.TCOM
A CLocKWORK ORAMCE DECULPTURE SCULPTURE O good for laughs and lashings of the old ultraviolence. CRACKED HOM
TAWD When there's no more room in your tummy... ... The Dead will Walk the Earth. RASBERRY GOO-FILLED! LIFE-SIZE M OMHIE WOTM ea CRACKED.coM
nolas LAFE Mdm ArAe HIS CURSE BECOMES YOUR HEAD'S POWER CRACKED.cOM
The Top 25 Pieces of Movie Merchandise Too Awesome To Exist
BASIIB The 9 1/2 Weeks MOKEY ROUR Children's Food Playset! THEY pok EVER RIL Break every rule... just like ss Woaks Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger! SO
THE DEER HUNTER Gar Game Board Bo: tt BONUS!!! 5 Extra bullets inside!!! HEDEERHON CRACKED.EOM
The Buffalo BillHome Sewing Machine Buffalo Bill B CRACKED.OM
C COOL ICE GIANI GAN! SIZE SIZE DOUCHEBAG m CRACKED.COM
Catch me $ if you can Forgery Kit! You can do it too! U CRACKED COM
SUPERMAN Powers* Cape! CRACKED.cOM
Laboratory tested. OFFICLAL SPIDER-mAn 3 So it is guaranteed not to kill!* VEnor S4MIOTE IT GETS UNDEa 4OUA SHInI EDIBLE EDD PAINT emine may eflects c
ALIENS PULSE RIFLE FIRES REAL CAUSTIC ACid! 98 CRACKED.cOM
SAl Beartrap Recreate your favorite scene! CRACKED.COM ages 3 and up
24 THE DRINK OF YOU DON'T BUY THOS WIH JADK BAUM VIALZEE RIGHT NOW, THEN IT'LL JUST BEY AN MIND BE A QUESTION OF HOW MUCH YOU WANT IT TO HURT. CRACKED
IT GAVE us A MOVIE! NOW SEE WHAT IT CAN GIVE you! AMERICAN d *MOULDED GEL INSERT FOR YOUR COMFORT CRACKED.G
Never again have no reason to drink your own piss KEVIN COSTNER'S WATERWORLD PISS-DRINKINNG MACHINE CRACKED.coM
Srenn Drararmcrouam NEW Quietus in As seen flim the hit af Ment' childeen at y Na Y Y Ees NSE hour w t 24 Kit 7b60 Suicide Ador tacbitoek 0 x lencod
DV veritus CLOVERFIELD DV Monsterproof wweInveralimavisenm/ CRACKED.HOM
STAR WARS DARTH VADER FORCE VADER FORCE GLOVES VADERIL RELEASE HER! Keaner. CRACKED.cOM
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