There's a science to picking mascots. If you're a sugary breakfast cereal, you must choose a cartoon of something that kills children, like vampires or tigers. If you're car insurance, try to think of an animal name or noise that sounds like your stupid name ... OK, so maybe they're all just guessing.
We've been sleeping on spam emails since pretty much right from the start. Everyone figured out that if you see the word V1ag7a in the subject line, you delete it without a second thought. What if they were telling the truth?
The internet is fairly predictable. We can't see into the future to know exactly what's going to happen, it's a pretty safe bet that this year's shocking scandals will be in the same genre as those of years past.
Ah, if only the real world could be more like a video game. There, wounds heal instantly and death lasts only as long as a load screen. The men are bald and armed, the women have proportions that make Barbie look like a teenage boy.
The Hollywood reboot machine has gotten it's sticky hands all over some pretty uncomfortable places, but so far they've left holiday movies relatively untouched. This is what it will look like when they decide to right that wrong, and start giving us dark, gritty versions of holiday classics.
Whether it's some kind of ridiculous science experiment gone wrong or a previously unknown type of natural disaster, the world is almost certain to end in some way we never thought possible.
