4

There's A Good Chance A Stoned Airport Employee Caused Your Last Flight Delay

AlexBrylov / iStock

There are many reasons planes get delayed: inclement weather, mechanical problems, or, from what Bob told us, a seemingly infinite supply of human stupidity.

"Once, a guy got super stoned before he was set to drive the tug around the airstrips ..."

Charlatte America

" ... normally, he drove one without a roof, but today his tug had a roof, for some reason. He wasn't used to the top being on there, and that, plus the drugs, made him ... less than the driver he should've been. So he was driving recklessly and careened under the wing, and thanks to the surprise roof, he collided directly with the plane." The result: damage to the wing and fuselage, and a whole bunch of very pissed-off passengers in the terminal who immediately saw their departure time skip back a few hours.

WMS Services

3

Management Makes It Impossible To Handle Your Bags With Care

fizkes / iStock

Did you ever get the feeling that airports intentionally treat your luggage the same way you would an old piece of dog turd someone left at your doorstep? Well then, we are happy to report that you were totally right about that.

Nicolas Loccisano

2

The Job Can Be Surprisingly Dangerous

Michael Turner / iStock

Despite everything we've told you, flying is still the safest, most reliable form of travel ... for the passengers. For the crew on the ground, things can get hairy.

"The biggest danger," says Ben, "is being sucked into an engine or being caught in the jet wash from the rear of the engine. I did once have to grab a trainee who was absentmindedly starting to enter the 14-foot injection zone area. He no longer works here, as a result of this lapse in awareness." Yes, this happens -- the results are so gross that we intentionally linked to a version of the story without photos of the aftermath (imagine somebody tried to make salsa and left the lid off the food processor).

Matus Duda / iStock

But if you want to talk about real tarmac killers, you have to mention those airport baggage carts and tugs. According to Ben, "These vehicles are overbuilt with thick steel body panels that can make some models weigh four tons, and about half have open-air cabs. I have heard stories about agents being thrown from vehicles in accidents due to a lack of seat belts being worn, probably one to three a year. Most end in death." From 1985 to 2000, "only" 11 airport employees were killed by vehicles, but from 2001 to 2014, 99 people died in airport ramp accidents. And these deaths are also as gruesome as you'd (prefer not to) imagine.

At James' airport, "A guy parked next to a plane. He left the e-brake off and got off his tug. The tug, on a very slight incline, drifted toward the plane. He frantically reached inside the tug, thinking that aircraft damage was the worst possible outcome. As he got close to the plane, the tug slightly pulled him forward, and he got caught between the tug and aircraft and was crushed to death."

1

The Planes Are Filthy, And Airlines Rarely Do Anything About It

asco_m / Instagram

Raise your hand if you've ever returned from a trip and immediately gotten a cold, or some kind of stomach bug. Well, we might know why:

"How clean the plane got depended on who our lead was that day," Bob told us. "Some of them would just say, 'Screw the tray tables, let's move on to the next plane' ... We were also required to check under every seat, but that would only happen if our boss was on the plane, monitoring our work, and that was a rare occurrence. So yeah, most of the time, there could be a bomb under a seat, and we would've totally skipped it."

The Consumerist

And yet, that still doesn't freak us out as much as the idea of sharing the same, unwiped tray with a sick toddler or someone who didn't wash their hands after using the toilet. And speaking of toilets: "The guy who cleaned the lavatories would go in there, play with his phone, and pretend to clean. I'd go in after him, and it'd still be nasty. Sometimes I'd clean after him. Other times, there'd be no time, so it just got a half-assed cleaning."

wellesenterprises / iStock

There is some good news, though -- at least, if you're the petty and/or envious type. "First class was supposed to receive fresh pillowcases. We would often skip the pillowcases, so the first-class people would unknowingly pay to rest their heads on previously used pillowcase." If any of you fancy rich travelers have ever walked off a flight with a case of head lice, there you go.

Cezary Jan Strusiewicz is a Cracked columnist, interviewer, and editor. Contact him at c.j.strusiewicz@gmail.com, or follow him on Twitter.

For more insider perspectives, check out 7 Reasons The TSA Sucks (A Security Expert's Perspective) and 8 Things You Don't (Want To) Know About TSA Checkpoints.

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