Well, before I transitioned, I remember once talking to a friend about their depression, and they mentioned that they didn't mind waking up in the morning -- it's the other things in life they didn't like. And that was when I realized that I didn't particularly like any of it; not waking up, not even the basic human pleasure of putting on a warm, freshly laundered pair of boxers. Adopting what feels like a false persona at school, work, and around family is like going out in the world wearing a sandpaper body glove. There's this painful friction between who you are and who you pretend to be.
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Lie lie lie
But that's what you do when society says that every impulse and pleasure in your life is unnatural and wrong. This feeling of hating being in your own skin is there around the clock, on top of all of the normal stress that comes with school, work, sex, and growing up in general. I didn't have that pressure relief valve that other people seem to have -- I'd eventually shut down, miss school or work, and be mean to friends and family. I'd need a crazy amount of time to recharge into something resembling a decent person. And the whole time, I had no idea what was wrong with me.