Elective Surgeries Aren't Always "Elective"
Giving birth to children is the kind of thing that leaves marks on your body as well as your walls, floors, and anything else where marks should not be. In my case, that "mark" involved stretching my abdominal muscles four inches apart, permanently. My doctor wound up sewing them with permanent sutures. You know how badly it hurts to pull a muscle? Imagine you pull a muscle and then it stays pulled, forever.
If you're a lazy blob and have never pulled anything, just nod and keep reading.
Before my surgery, I suffered from endless lower-back pain and it was impossible for me to stand with anything that resembled "good posture," because my core muscles were too fucked to hold me up. After the surgery, I no longer deal with permanent pain in my lower back. I can finally stand up straight and feel strong when I do it. I breathe better, because I'm not hunched over and my lungs have room to expand. During workouts, I have better balance and control. I'm also a full inch taller, which has dramatically improved my ability to dunk in the pick-up basketball games that are such an everyday facet of modern American life.
But you might be surprised to learn that, despite the concrete health and ballin' benefits it imparted, my tummy tuck was considered elective surgery. In other words, it falls into the same category as getting a boob job or a face lift. So none of it was covered by my private insurance. Between the surgery, the hospital fees, the various healing garments, and medications, it cost over $10,000. My doctor told me that, years ago, insurance companies paid for too many abdominoplasties, some of which were cosmetic and some of which were drunken dares gone too far, so it ruined the market for people like me who needed the surgery for more serious reasons. He said that, short of a 300-pound weight loss, insurance would not pay a penny for what they considered a purely elective surgery.
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Above 300 pounds, they sell the fat to KFC for profit.