"There's actually a sort of Voight-Kampff test for Asperger's syndrome ... in which you get read this story where Bob takes Sally to a restaurant that's supposed to be great, and the food and service turn out to be a disaster. At the end of the story, Sally says, 'Yeah, this sure was a great restaurant you took me to.' Most people recognize that she's being a smartass. People with Asperger's (and some forms of autism) will say that she's lying so she doesn't hurt Bob's feelings."

shironosov/iStock/Getty ImagesThe added line "... and now I totally want to sleep with you" merely tests whether the subject is male.

More nuanced, realistic portrayals of autistic individuals -- The Bride and Parenthood, to name two -- were praised by our sources. But there are no portrayals to be found of non-verbal individuals or their caretakers. Hollywood's fine with showing autism, but only the sexy kind where utterly charming geniuses simply aren't very tactful.

Obviously, our sources had profoundly negative opinions of the organization:

Nina Mason: "I honestly can't talk about it without devolving rapidly into a tiny rabid ball of incoherent fury."

Chris: "According to their own internal audit, the organization only uses four percent or so of its money to actually help people who have autism live better lives, and over 30 percent of it researching the causes of autism so they can 'cure' it. This includes researching what causes autism in the womb. Meaning they are researching eugenics so that we can stop existing."

Fastfission, via WikimediaCombining modern medical science with decades-old outdated social science isn't the wacky romp you'd think it'd be.

Many autistic people are high-functioning, and the fact that they are autistic is just one factor that's contributed towards making them whoever they are today. If somebody wanted to start a campaign to "breed out" something integral to your personality -- your affinity for science fiction, your inexplicable love of penny farthings, your penchant for terrible puns -- you might find it a bit offensive as well. But then again, about half of autistic people are low-functioning, and a quarter are non-verbal. Autism has robbed them of any chance at a normal life. You can't look at a child who lives trapped inside of their own head and not want to do something about it. Not to mention the other, less talked about downsides:

Chris: "It's incredibly common for autistics to have problems with their GI tract. These health problems blow, and you can't say that it's a mixture of good and bad. The mental differences, yeah. You could say it's not all bad, and some of it's good. The physical health problems? We don't all have them, but the problems really suck."

"Self-diagnosed autistic person" is Internet shorthand for "terrible person." And to be sure, anybody who exploits a disease to excuse their awful behavior is a big burlap sack full of flaccid dongs. But there are a whole bunch of people who had to self-diagnose, because there was a time when almost nobody knew what autism was.

Devonyu/iStock/Getty Images"I found out because it was the next word in my 'highlight every word in the dictionary' hobby."

Nina Mason: "... when I was a kid, I'd been diagnosed with ADHD and OCD for years, with a whole lot of disturbing symptoms that were covered by neither diagnosis, and so got lumped together into 'probable schizophrenia.' When I was 14, one of my teachers went, 'But wait -- I read this article, and this, this, and this are all covered by autism, as are these, these, and these, which none of your diagnoses cover. I think you should show this article to your mom.'

"My mom agreed, and spoke to my psychiatrist, who didn't want to change my diagnosis, because although autism was first described in the 1940s and these conversations took place in 2004, he had never heard of a woman with autism."

Comstock Images/Stockbyte/Getty Images"Don't worry, kiddo; you can still be whatever you dream, be it a housewife, librarian, or even a powerful man's secretary."

Women are still less likely to be diagnosed with autism today, and part of it is due to the fact that we expect young girls to be more social. So they get more experience interacting with other kids, which helps to "camouflage" their symptoms. Nina's psychiatrist eventually did some research and changed her diagnosis. She was one of the lucky ones. It's incredibly common for people with autism to be misdiagnosed as bipolar. Unless we're talking medical marijuana, it is generally a bad idea to take medicine for conditions you don't have. For example:

"... look up 'lithium toxicity' and 'barbiturate poisoning' if you want some nightmares tonight, or consider that for twelve years I had to have blood work every three to six months to be sure my medication was not literally eating my liver."

If you've bought into the stereotype of autism as the "Spock disease" -- that it turns people into emotionless logic machines -- you might be surprised to learn that people with Asperger's Syndrome and other forms of autism tend to feel emotions too strongly. You might also be surprised to learn that this makes them more like Spock -- according to the Star Trek expanded universe, the Vulcans are a very emotional people, and they feel the need to regu- you're trying to wedgie us through the computer, aren't you? Fine. We digress. The point is that people with autism do feel -- they just have more difficulty regulating their powerful emotions, and tend to drop into robot mode as a way to protect themselves.

lofilolo/iStock/Getty ImagesWhich might be a smart idea the next time we feel like gabbing about the ins and outs of Vulcan society.

Nina Mason: "Recent research actually suggests that people with autism feel emotion more heavily than allistic people do, and 'shut down' in self-defense.

"It's sort of the reverse of saying, 'Aww look, he's smiling, he must be so happy!' about your dog, who is in fact just trolling for treats. When someone compliments me in a way that makes me really happy -- like telling me my art is great or that I look really good in a new dress -- I might manage to squeak out a 'thank you,' but it's way more likely I'm going to hug myself and cover my face. It's not that you've annoyed me or that I think you give shitty compliments; it's that I literally don't know what else to do (autistic tic: hugging oneself) and get embarrassed (reaction: covering my face)."

So uh ... all those anime schoolgirls might be autistic?

Leafedge/iStock/Getty ImagesAlternate theory: Outgrowth of an art form desperately in need of a sex therapist.

Have you ever tried to explain a software problem to someone? On the other side of the world? Who doesn't speak the same language? That's kind of what it's like for an autistic person to interact with mainstream society: They simply don't interpret visual and verbal cues the same way as most people.

Chris: "We think so differently that we sometimes say things that make no sense to others, but make perfect sense to us. Once in elementary school, we had a police officer give us Halloween safety tips (this was during the 'razor blades hidden in apples' scare). I raised my hand and asked, 'What if the house we are trick-or-treating at has a trap door? How do we handle that situation?' The cop told us that this was very unlikely to happen, which didn't answer my question. Later, my teacher told me that my question was inappropriate. I had no idea what the hell she was talking about."

You see the problem: If we don't teach our children how to handle Scooby-Doo-style trap doors, we are literally letting our children down.

Hanna-Barbera"He didn't even get to my question about what to do in the event of a hallway full of parallel doors."

So how do you effectively communicate with someone with autism? Be blunt. Don't rely on nuance or social cues -- tell them exactly what you want.

Carson: "My parents were blunt. They'd just say, 'Carson, you've got to end the story now.' It seems aspie kids operate on a sense of directness and logic. If you explain the logic of something rather than get them to try and pick it up themselves, it's better in the long run for them."

And sometimes pushing an autistic person (not literally, jerk) into a situation they're unfamiliar with can be exactly the lesson they need:

Carson: "I first got a job at 16. I work currently at the ballpark as a summer job -- selling popcorn and snacks, and after a while, selling beer. When I started, I had difficulty convincing myself to yell. I wasn't very good at that because I didn't like the idea of that much attention. But I realized I was not the only one yelling, and then it was fine."

Jay Silverman Productions/Photographer'sTurns out it's kinda hard to steal attention from a drunk, painted man screaming obscenities.

We shouldn't have to explain that being blunt does not mean, "Be an uncontrollable dickhead to any autistic person you meet from now on. They love it!" We shouldn't have to, but knowing the Internet, we probably do.