Wait, what is this hippie crap? Let's just give all the terrorists flowers, right? Let's take violence entirely off the table and hope that starlight and wishes can stop them, just like that one scarring Care Bears episode. Actually, turns out the nonviolent approach might very well be the best ...
Nonviolence Is the Single Best Way to Fight Crime
Talk all you want, every second a criminal hasn't surrendered is another second where he might lose his cool and shoot a cop, or a hostage, or an innocent passerby. The cleanest option is a well-placed sniper bullet, right?
Negotiating with criminals sports a success rate of 90 percent -- higher than any other form of fighting crime.
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Even Iron Man suits. Sorry.
"When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem starts to look like a nail," Noesner says. "Whenever I hear a story about an officer who lost his life in the line of duty, I hear an explanation like 'people were barricaded and we decided to go in.' When I ask why they decided to go in, I almost never get a satisfying answer. When people with guns go up against other people with guns, it almost always leads to bad things."
While Cracked has never had trouble admitting that guns can be an awesome way to solve problems, those solutions rarely end up keeping people alive. Noesner says that he has no qualms about using violence when necessary -- because there are times when it absolutely is -- but in the vast majority of cases, you can talk your way out of a problem if you have an expert available. We're not trying to side with the criminals here. We're just saying that if your goal is to get everybody out with the normal amount of holes in their bodies, maybe take the negotiator off the bench a few minutes before you send in the bitchin' street tanks.
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But on the other hand, tanks.
Gary Noesner wrote a book about his experience called Stalling for Time. JF Sargent has never won an argument in his life. Follow him on Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook.
Related Reading: Want to learn more about jobs that you're unfamiliar with? Ever had to hide a corpse? You might if you become a doctor in the third-world. And, perhaps unsurprisingly, your textbooks are mostly written by people who could give two shits. And all you risk takers out there? You're woefully unqualified to be stunt men and women? Have a story to share with Cracked? Email us here.
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