I am an editor at Cracked.com and the author of Stitches (available on Amazon!). I write things and play music at startthemachine.tumblr.com. Follow me to freedom on Twitter @startthemachine.
In our rush to be excited over the reemergence of movies we loved decades ago, we haven't stopped to ask ourselves one very important question: What the hell are we so excited about?
The band may not straight-up pretend that the amputated musician never existed, but the hows and whys of that person's sudden departure are rarely discussed.
Once you strip away plot conveniences and forget about how cool everything looks for a second, it becomes immediately obvious that virtually no futuristic facility in the history of cinema could possibly serve its intended purpose in real life.
We're not being sarcastic when we say that a proud and important pop culture tradition was renewed this week with the release of a new rap song about life as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
A Spider-Man/Avengers team-up is just one of many things we can pretty much guarantee that you will never, ever see in a Marvel movie ... at least not in your own lifetime.
For every wildly popular movie that rampages through the box office like a cash-hungry Pac-Man, there is another film that took the same idea and did it way better, only to languish in relative obscurity.
Some maniac courageously dared to ask 'What if the Germans had invaded the Soviet Union with breasts instead of tanks?' Turns out plenty of other maniacs were wondering the same thing.
