Pauli Poisuo

4 Famous Mysteries With Really Obvious Answers

You like secrets, I like secrets. Let's like secrets together. That is, if your concept of liking involves scrutinizing the shit out of them, because that's what I meant and what this column is all about.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

November 13, 2014

4 Horrifying Sex Toys That Prove We're Overthinking Sex

This is what happens when sex toys are designed by that dude from the 'Saw' movies.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

November 08, 2014

4 Deadly Weapons Clearly Designed by a Cartoon Character

Sometimes, when weapons designers watch a few too many cartoons, we wind up with stuff like these things.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

November 01, 2014

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4 Creepy Conspiracy Theories That Need to Be Horror Movies

I decided to dig up a very specific batch of my favorite nutcase theories that are clearly horror movies in the making.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

October 23, 2014

4 Bizarrely Specific Jobs Required For Hit Movies And Shows

There are any number of technicians, experts, and professionals working on our entertainment, and some of their careers are just plain weird.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

October 16, 2014

4 Important Things Self-Help Books Are Too Nice to Tell You

Here are a few tips to dodge some of the more slippery cow patties on your path to success.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

October 09, 2014

4 Supporting Characters Who Deserve Their Own Movie

Loads of flicks are just teeming with interesting yet underused fictional entities that could easily carry a movie on their own.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

October 02, 2014

10 Sex Toys That Make Your Weirdest Fetish Seem Sane

If it exists, there's porn of it. No exceptions.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

September 27, 2014

4 Social Situations No One Ever Gets Right

The complex web of hows and whys that our brains constantly weave can make it damn difficult to communicate with each other.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

September 18, 2014

4 Insane (but Convincing) Celebrity Conspiracy Theories

Think of the mind-numbingly awesome movies we might wind up with if Hollywood grew a pair and adapted some of the weirdest legends out there.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

September 09, 2014

The 10 Most Terrifying Soft Drinks in Existence (Tested)

I pooped a brick of pure happiness when I noticed that a store near my home is stocking a vast selection of imported, potable insanity. So I filled my fridge with a host of drinks I've never had the opportunity to taste.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

September 04, 2014

5 Things Nobody Tells You About Trying to Lose Weight

Hi, my name is Pauli. I'm an idiot, and this is my guide to losing weight.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

August 28, 2014

4 Creepy Drinks That Prove We Can Ruin Anything

In my unerring Book of Shit That's Totally the Worst, these drinks are the potable equivalent of a Michael Bay-directed Nickelback video.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

August 21, 2014

4 Video Games That Are Actually Worthy of a Movie Adaptation

What follows are the four most enticing ideas for video game movies I was able to scour from the depths of the comment section, ranked in no particular order save for the way they tickle my whiskey-addled imagination.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

August 14, 2014

5 Boob-Related Products You Won't Believe Exist

Some of the breast-related products out there have less to do with functionality and more to do with howling must-make-a-thing-for-titties insanity.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

July 31, 2014

4 Insane Celebrity Conspiracy Theories We Wish Were True

Despite the fact that these things are almost always complete B.S., sometimes -- just sometimes -- a celebrity conspiracy theory emerges that is so good, we kind of wish it was true.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

July 24, 2014

4 Reasons Porn Stars Are Nothing Like You Think

Whenever someone mentions porn star, a very specific picture pops in our minds. Too bad these images in our head are often ridiculously off the mark.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

July 17, 2014

5 Sneaky Moments in Adulthood No One Ever Sees Coming

Regardless of how and when you reach adulthood, chances are you'll find yourself hopelessly out of depth at several points of the process.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

July 10, 2014

The 5 Most Narcissistic Products You Won't Believe Exist

Come, friend, lay off the puny apps and senseless self-shills -- there's a whole world of narcissist-aimed products out there, fully fitted for admiring the perfection that is you.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

July 03, 2014

4 Old-Timey Jobs That Could Solve the Unemployment Crisis

There are certain seemingly passe professions that we could totally use today, no matter how backward they may appear.

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By Pauli Poisuo

Published

June 26, 2014