15 Bonkers News Stories That Really Chowdered Our Clams

Yep, HOAs are exactly as terrible as we all thought.
15 Bonkers News Stories That Really Chowdered Our Clams

I was once the happiest girl alive. I had it all; I could do anything I wanted with no fear of failure and no worries about money. My family were rich, so that was never a problem, but we didn't have much to worry about anyway; I was the one making most of my money, which I spent on myself. My friends always envied me because my life was like one big party.
But things changed when I met this boy who lived across town, and he started coming into my dreams. At first it didn't seem too bad—I mean, I'm sure every girl wants some sort of relationship with a boy from afar, but then I found out he was in love with me, too, and I couldn't understand why. And I really, really couldn't understand why I kept seeing him in my dreams.
Every time he came, he'd recite this list of fifteen facts over and over. It went …


James Cromwell glued himself to a Starbucks in protest.

James Cromwell glued his hand to the counter of a Starbucks (on purpose). STARBUCKS COFFEE CRACKED.COM Incensed by the senseless upcharge at Starbucks for nondairy milk, the Babe star and other members of PETA staged a protest at a Midtown Manhattan Star- bucks location.

Washington Post

A $35 Goodwill find turns out to be an authentic Roman sculpture.

An ancient Roman bust was purchased from a Goodwill for $35. CRACKED.COM The marble bust is now be- ing temporarily displayed in a museum in San Antonio after experts determined it was a centuries-old sculp- ture missing from Germany since World War II.


A killer died hiding the body of the person he killed.

A man died of a heart attack as he dug a grave to bury the woman he killed. GRAGKED.COM The 60-year-old man strangled the woman, who he lived with, and dropped dead on his lawn af- ter placing her in a freshly dug pit.

Tri-City Herald

Wesley Crusher is back in ‘Picard.’

Star Trek producers fought over which new show got to (had to?) bring back Wesley Crusher. CRACKED.COM The not-such-a-fan-favor- ite Wesley, played by Wil Wheaton since his first ар- pearance in The Next Gen- eration, popped up briefly in the season two finale of 'Picard' to welcome Kore to the Travelers.

Trek Movie

HOAs are as terrible as we thought.

A Denver Homeowners Association is raking in millions from foreclosing on residents. FOREGLOS CRACKED COM The Green Valley Ranch HOA is worth $2.2 million thanks to foreclosing on 60 homes between 2021 and 2022. A previous HOA board member says, Fore- closures are profitable.


Parton will star in TikTok musical for Taco Bell thanks to Doja and Kunda.

Dolly Parton will star in a musical on TikTok about Taco Bell's Mexican pizza. GRACKED.COM This is one of those rare sen- tences where there is no way to predict what the next word will be. The musical was inspired by an exchange between Doja Cat and Tik- Tok star Victor Kunda.


Burrito tape will help keep stubborn tortillas in check.

Students at Johns Hopkins University create edible tape for burritos. CRACKED.COM students developed the food-grade fibrous scaf- fold that can strengthen the structural integrity of an overstuffed burrito for Engi- neering Design Day, which took months to perfect.

Fox Baltimore

Wordle aborts its solution for the day to avoid controversy.

A recent Wordle solution was quickly taken down and pushed to 2027. GRAGKED.COM The word, 'FETUS,' was al- tered to avoid an answer that would have seem closely connected to a ma- jor recent news event, and sent to the very end of their list of solutions.

ARS Technica

Disability discrimination hits a national disability insurance agency.

An Australian national disability insurance agency was accused of discrimination against their disabled employees. CRACKED.COM Staff says the agency has failed to provide them with the assistive technology, and even basic accessibili- ty features like photocopi- ers and toilet paper rolls being out of reach of staff in wheelchairs.


Sailing around the globe in a mobile hotel is cheaper than a house.

A couple lives on a cruise ship after realizing it's cheaper than a mortgage. GRACKED COM After crunching the num- bers, the couple, in their 50s, realized they could live the rest of their lives hopping from cruise ship to cruise ship - for as little as $A62 ($43 USD) each a day.

7 News

Mobile food shelves had their catalytic converters stolen.

A food drive was canceled after the catalytic converters were stolen from the mobile food shelves. CRACKED.COM A nonprofit in St. Paul, MN, announced the catalytic converters were stolen from both of its Foodmo- bile vehicles, and they had to cancel all of its mobile distribution events.

Fox 9

A Republican Congressman says he was only joking when he fooled around naked with his male cousin.

Conservative Congressman Madison Cawthorn was caught on camera wrestling with his male cousin, naked. CRACKED.COM In response, Cawthorn la- beled the video a new hit against him, and explained he and his naked, male cousin were simply acting foolish and joking as they rolled around naked in bed together. Naked.


Eve Online fans applaud Microsoft Excel feature.

Eve Online fans cheered for a new Javascript API at the annual Eve Fanfest. CRACKED.COM During a keynote speech, developer ССР an- nounced a feature that would seamlessly export data from Eve Online into Microsoft Excel, to thun- derous applause.

ARS Technica

Calling someone bald is sexual harassment.

A UK employment tribunal ruled that calling a man bald amounts to sexual harassment. GRAGKED.COM When a supervisor referred to Tony Finn as a bald С***, Finn had a big problem with one of those words: bald. Taking the issue to an em- ployment panel, the term was deemed a form of dis- crimination.


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